trappeshot

I am 27, been using since I was what... 23, with spans of clean time, 11 months here, 8 months there. the 11 months was baisclaly living in a chem free house i don't count that. 2 months out i was high. 8 months, i kinda, kinda cut myself some slack becuase i was dealign with something that was extremely overwhelming (federal charges for something I didn't do) and had no one to t urn to. not excusing it, but it's not like, i was just hellbent on using. I just needed to escape. with that said, it all got me to where i am now. I stopped using a few months ago, and made a plan to move in with my mom, because i knew myself enough to know that within weeks, i would get some cravings with money in my pocket and screw up like always. but, I also know that if i can make it 2-3 months, the intense cravings are gone at least with me (crack), I mean I still thought about it, but i wasn't craving it anymore.

So I am with my mom, I don't have a car. My mom has 2 cars. I work from home (I build websites) so she leaves me here. Never thought about using as long as I am in my mom's house. I know she will not be home for 2 days now and I still wont' think about it. but 2 days ago I had to run some errands, pay phone bill stuff like that, buy food. I get her car and the first thing I thought about was CRACK CRACK CRACK lol. It got pretty damn intense. I called my dealer, twice and hung up the phone. I knew I didn't want to but i wanted to. actually i knew that it was just the reputation of the whole process, not me actually wanting to use if that makes sense.

But surprisingly.. it didn't' last all that long. I left the grocery store, my dealers house was one way, the freeway to get back home was the other. I said look, get something to eat and hit the freeway, you aren't going to use. that's exactly what I did and 5 minutes into the freeway I didn't think about it again.

My mom had this look on her face like "wow, you really are clean" when I came home so quickly, like she was expecting the worse. yesterday she left her car keys here and told me i can use her car if I needed to go anywehre. that was nice. even nicer when I didn't. build trust one day at a time. feeling pretty dang good right now.

I figure by the end of Jan I should be good to go. It takes about 2 good months for all the strong feelings to go away and I can function normally. I am just now getting over the fog and really starting to be able to think clearly.

1983ritag

Wow! Great job! I realize how hard that is to do. It feels like you've won everytime you defeat the craving. I wish there was just a switch that would turn them off forever so we wouldn't have to fight with ourselves. Keep it up!