Consequences
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Consequences
I'm 49 years old, and still dealing with a lot of the consequences of when I used. I gave up a nursing career, went to jail, got a job waiting tables. I had to move home with dad/stepmom as I couldn't afford a car payment AND rent.
I'm going on 4 years clean (in March), I work at McDonald's, as well as many part-time, self-employment things, like merchandising, expediting (what my dad does for a living), demos, etc.
I'm back in school, going back to the healthcare field but not nursing. My first quarter, that I just got through, I got a 4.0..not bad for someone who's been out of school since 1992!
I can get bogged down in all the consequences. I'm impatient, though I'm learning how to BE patient as I learn things happen in HP's time, not mine.
I keep doing the best I can do, come here and whine and vent when I get frustrated, then I put that one foot in front of the other.
Today, while I was talking to the friend I do the merchandising for, he just offered me $200...exactly what I need to get my car tuned up (driving around with the engine light on is making me nervous). He told me "pay me back, whenever..you're too good for me to have to worry about. I'm serious..just say the word".
I realized, then, how I seem to dismiss all the GOOD consequences I have in my life. Earlier this week, someone stole money out of my cash drawer at work, and I had to fork over the $20 and that meant I couldn't pay my car payment.
Two days later, one of dad's customers said he had a box that would fit in my car, did I want to take it to Ark.? I did and it paid more than I make at McD's in a month. Car payment can be paid, as well as a few more bills. Dad's customers know my history...several have known me since before I relapsed, almost 4 years ago.
They trust me, and they care about me as does my family. Though the money helps, it's more about being trusted. It took time, and feeling like I was a kid, again, checking in, letting people know I'd be late, etc. I do that now, out of courtesy, as that's the way I was raised. I have my dad's PIN numbers for his debit card, access to his bank account so I can move money around if he's on the road, and I'm able to help him.
This is all a gift, and I need to remember it. When I get all bogged down on all the wrong I've done, I need to remember how much RIGHT I've done, too. SR has been a HUGE part of getting me to this point. My friends, here, are like my family. My dad doesn't exactly understand what "that recovery thing you're on" does, but he's often commented on how much I've changed, for the better, because of it, and he's grateful.
So, for those who are struggling, I get that. I'm just grateful that, today, I was able to see that the good outweighs the bad.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm going on 4 years clean (in March), I work at McDonald's, as well as many part-time, self-employment things, like merchandising, expediting (what my dad does for a living), demos, etc.
I'm back in school, going back to the healthcare field but not nursing. My first quarter, that I just got through, I got a 4.0..not bad for someone who's been out of school since 1992!
I can get bogged down in all the consequences. I'm impatient, though I'm learning how to BE patient as I learn things happen in HP's time, not mine.
I keep doing the best I can do, come here and whine and vent when I get frustrated, then I put that one foot in front of the other.
Today, while I was talking to the friend I do the merchandising for, he just offered me $200...exactly what I need to get my car tuned up (driving around with the engine light on is making me nervous). He told me "pay me back, whenever..you're too good for me to have to worry about. I'm serious..just say the word".
I realized, then, how I seem to dismiss all the GOOD consequences I have in my life. Earlier this week, someone stole money out of my cash drawer at work, and I had to fork over the $20 and that meant I couldn't pay my car payment.
Two days later, one of dad's customers said he had a box that would fit in my car, did I want to take it to Ark.? I did and it paid more than I make at McD's in a month. Car payment can be paid, as well as a few more bills. Dad's customers know my history...several have known me since before I relapsed, almost 4 years ago.
They trust me, and they care about me as does my family. Though the money helps, it's more about being trusted. It took time, and feeling like I was a kid, again, checking in, letting people know I'd be late, etc. I do that now, out of courtesy, as that's the way I was raised. I have my dad's PIN numbers for his debit card, access to his bank account so I can move money around if he's on the road, and I'm able to help him.
This is all a gift, and I need to remember it. When I get all bogged down on all the wrong I've done, I need to remember how much RIGHT I've done, too. SR has been a HUGE part of getting me to this point. My friends, here, are like my family. My dad doesn't exactly understand what "that recovery thing you're on" does, but he's often commented on how much I've changed, for the better, because of it, and he's grateful.
So, for those who are struggling, I get that. I'm just grateful that, today, I was able to see that the good outweighs the bad.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Wonderful!! 
It really is amazing that if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing, it somehow seems to work out to our benefit, even in ways we don't imagine at first. Thanks for sharing!
It really is amazing that if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing, it somehow seems to work out to our benefit, even in ways we don't imagine at first. Thanks for sharing!
Love you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
that is great Amy. It is nice to remember the good stuff. I know we tend to focus on the negative. I know I have tons of positive in my life. Thanks for sharing. Glad to be back on SR...it's been TOO long
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tan))) - I saw you on FB about your surgery, and have been praying for you to have a speedy recovery. I don't often post there, but I do check in, frequently.
I'm still in a bit of shock that I finally realized I'm worthy.....sure took me long enough...sigh.
I just pray that others realize the same about themselves.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm still in a bit of shock that I finally realized I'm worthy.....sure took me long enough...sigh.
I just pray that others realize the same about themselves.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks, everyone, but I couldn't have done it if I hadn't had people here, and IRL, hold my hand, give me a nudge, and give me hope when I couldn't see anything but darkness.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
Someone once said in a meeting that he thinks that being clean is the act of actively facing the consequences to your actions. That hit me hard and has stayed with me. Some of my past consequences are large, like facing jail before I got clean and sober. Or my divorce years ago and what it entailed. Hurt friendships because I was selfish. Not to mention the negative health consequences that drugs and alcohol presents to me.
But I am so very grateful that I am given the strength to face up to my life - consequences and all. And the overwhelming sense of freedom and peace that I get when I can accept those natural consequences and stop fighting HP/Nature/Fate. And finally, how I am able to love others more fully because I can accept the imperfections of myself.
We forget sometimes that our HP has a plan and we really have NO IDEA what is around the next corner. None! And what AWESOME things happen to us when we just stay clean and sober and doing the next right thing. How blessed we are, with love and support from all those we share our recovery with and they with us. I swear there are more cool things that happen to us as a group of people than anyone else in the world that I can think of.
Thanks Amy, for helping me in my journey and continued blessings to you and your loved ones.
In support
TB
But I am so very grateful that I am given the strength to face up to my life - consequences and all. And the overwhelming sense of freedom and peace that I get when I can accept those natural consequences and stop fighting HP/Nature/Fate. And finally, how I am able to love others more fully because I can accept the imperfections of myself.
We forget sometimes that our HP has a plan and we really have NO IDEA what is around the next corner. None! And what AWESOME things happen to us when we just stay clean and sober and doing the next right thing. How blessed we are, with love and support from all those we share our recovery with and they with us. I swear there are more cool things that happen to us as a group of people than anyone else in the world that I can think of.
Thanks Amy, for helping me in my journey and continued blessings to you and your loved ones.
In support
TB
Garden Variety Addict
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Lambertville, NJ
Posts: 310
Amy,
I'm glad things just barely worked out for you. Money is a bitc* no doubt, for almost all of us. For me too, it seems I can never really get past just getting by.
People, particularly in recovery, have a tendency to make these universally optimistic statements, like "it will all work out." When in truth, it doesn't always work out and sometimes bad stuff happens.
But you have your sobriety, and that's a good thing, period. And no one can take that from you, no finance agency, no boss, nobody...
You strike me as someone who lives on life's terms and has worked on the feelings behind the drug abuse. That of course, is the key, and that's where your healing lies. I suspect you know all this but wanted to give you a verbal hug electronically and tell you I'm with you in spirit.
I'm glad things just barely worked out for you. Money is a bitc* no doubt, for almost all of us. For me too, it seems I can never really get past just getting by.
People, particularly in recovery, have a tendency to make these universally optimistic statements, like "it will all work out." When in truth, it doesn't always work out and sometimes bad stuff happens.
But you have your sobriety, and that's a good thing, period. And no one can take that from you, no finance agency, no boss, nobody...
You strike me as someone who lives on life's terms and has worked on the feelings behind the drug abuse. That of course, is the key, and that's where your healing lies. I suspect you know all this but wanted to give you a verbal hug electronically and tell you I'm with you in spirit.
"SMART" Recoveree
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 15
Thanks for posting this. I'm normally pretty good at putting things into prospective but this helps.
I get a lot of things that are catching up with me, I'm 3 months clean. It's all mostly money, but trust is huge too.
I should probably stress a lot more about the $ than I do right now. I'm probably just short of $20,000 in debt from school, medical, etc. But right now there's not a whole lot that I can do about it. I'm on unemployment and start school 1/18. I guess I try not to think about it, because when I do - it SUCKS. It's like trying to climb a mountain with no arms or legs.
Ehh. There I go thinking about it. lol
Anyways, I mainly wanted to say thank you for the post. Helps me see the bigger picture and where my sights are set. Thanks!
I get a lot of things that are catching up with me, I'm 3 months clean. It's all mostly money, but trust is huge too.
I should probably stress a lot more about the $ than I do right now. I'm probably just short of $20,000 in debt from school, medical, etc. But right now there's not a whole lot that I can do about it. I'm on unemployment and start school 1/18. I guess I try not to think about it, because when I do - it SUCKS. It's like trying to climb a mountain with no arms or legs.
Ehh. There I go thinking about it. lol
Anyways, I mainly wanted to say thank you for the post. Helps me see the bigger picture and where my sights are set. Thanks!
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Thank You Amy!
Amazing how much our lives can change. We can be trusted and don't have to lie or hide or make excuses about where our money went and so on...
Life is still hard, but anything worth doing is not easy
Amazing how much our lives can change. We can be trusted and don't have to lie or hide or make excuses about where our money went and so on...
Life is still hard, but anything worth doing is not easy
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