Opiate Addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 6
Opiate Addict
Honestly, I don't know what I need. I just know I need to quit, I want to quit. I'm a freshly turned 20 year old college student with a 2 year old daughter. I've been addicted to opiate pain killers and other sedatives for the past 2 years now. I started using pills after a car accident which left me with severe chronic pain. After a year or so of increasing dosages and daily desperation over the thoughts of running out of drugs, or money, or gas, and being sick I finally tried injecting for the first time since there was a clean needle (have had a needle habit for >6 months now). I don't know if I should have died right there or if I was meant to live through this torment I brought into my life, but I've lived through more than this... more than opiate addiction... multiple overdoses on benzodiazepines and muscle relaxers such as soma. My life hasn't been the prettiest picture although it does have some very beautiful parts to it. I appreciate life and all I have and all that I know I can be. It's just this hole that I've dug over the past 5-6 years that has put me in a place I feel I can't ever escape from. I'm not in as bad a place as others, my situation may not be ideal, but I thank the world for not allowing me vices such as heroin or cocaine as frequently as I used to before I began using needles, otherwise... I may not have made this post today.
My father is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict as well, crack/cocaine and opiates were his D.O.C. so it obviously runs in the family. Just an extra tidbit about me.
I don't know if I even belong on this forum but I need people to share my experience with because there is no one here for me to talk to honestly about my addiction and I want to finally be free from these chains. Drugs aren't fun for me anymore, it's become a job, I can't seem to live without doing it.
My father is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict as well, crack/cocaine and opiates were his D.O.C. so it obviously runs in the family. Just an extra tidbit about me.
I don't know if I even belong on this forum but I need people to share my experience with because there is no one here for me to talk to honestly about my addiction and I want to finally be free from these chains. Drugs aren't fun for me anymore, it's become a job, I can't seem to live without doing it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Listen to an old lady
Hi there,
I don't think people your age always listen to folks like me, a 59 year old woman who has had three recoveries over my life. I am currently drug free off oxycodone since December 15.
I don't have much time to write this moment, but your 2 year old needs you desperately, and this is the time of her life when she is learning behaviors from you, in more ways than you know.
I have recovered from alcohol over 20 years ago, injectables 10 years ago, and now from the horrible roller coaster ride of oxys that I never thought would happen to me again, this time after two major orthopedic surgeries.
Read the oxycodone withdrawal help thread in the Substance Abuse forum, because it has many stories you may relate to.
After alcohol, you'd think I had learned I am an addict. But the second "recovery" from injectibles destroyed my career and almost my marriage.
This time around, I hope I am learning that recovery is a state of being and not a past tense event. I have an opportunity to recover some of my life this year, and I am not going to let opiates destroy what I feel like is my last chance in life.
Your whole life is ahead of you. My friend died of an accidental overdose of oxys in 2007 leaving a 14 year old son, another time of a child's life when they desperately need their mother. I've said it on this thread before, I was once told by someone who knew the ropes of addiction that you don't know how many recoveries you have in you.
You desperately need help. It is available. Having said that, until you decide you are going to stop this nightmare and start living your life -- which is ahead of you and filled with new opportunities, despite what you are feeling right now -- get help now. Go to NA, get a doctor who understands addiction, and don't accidentally injure yourself or your child while trying to make decisions with a drug-deluded mind.
These drugs are insidious, and most need help and support to stop. Please tell us how you are doing.
I don't think people your age always listen to folks like me, a 59 year old woman who has had three recoveries over my life. I am currently drug free off oxycodone since December 15.
I don't have much time to write this moment, but your 2 year old needs you desperately, and this is the time of her life when she is learning behaviors from you, in more ways than you know.
I have recovered from alcohol over 20 years ago, injectables 10 years ago, and now from the horrible roller coaster ride of oxys that I never thought would happen to me again, this time after two major orthopedic surgeries.
Read the oxycodone withdrawal help thread in the Substance Abuse forum, because it has many stories you may relate to.
After alcohol, you'd think I had learned I am an addict. But the second "recovery" from injectibles destroyed my career and almost my marriage.
This time around, I hope I am learning that recovery is a state of being and not a past tense event. I have an opportunity to recover some of my life this year, and I am not going to let opiates destroy what I feel like is my last chance in life.
Your whole life is ahead of you. My friend died of an accidental overdose of oxys in 2007 leaving a 14 year old son, another time of a child's life when they desperately need their mother. I've said it on this thread before, I was once told by someone who knew the ropes of addiction that you don't know how many recoveries you have in you.
You desperately need help. It is available. Having said that, until you decide you are going to stop this nightmare and start living your life -- which is ahead of you and filled with new opportunities, despite what you are feeling right now -- get help now. Go to NA, get a doctor who understands addiction, and don't accidentally injure yourself or your child while trying to make decisions with a drug-deluded mind.
These drugs are insidious, and most need help and support to stop. Please tell us how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Middle of MO
Posts: 666
Welcome, Psilo! The solution is surprisingly simple, but by no means easy. The "easiest" thing to do is quit right now (no "one more times") using all the support available. There's online support, and you'll need f2f support even more. NA/AA are free, practically universally available, and have helped millions. If following whatever program you feel comfortable with isn't enough, check into rehab. Its no so much what you do, it will be how you approach things....willingness to do whatever it takes is the key!
Juggernaut of self will
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 66
First off, I want to tell you that you are not alone. There are many addicts on this forum and in the rooms of AA NA that have gone through, and are going through what you have experienced. This drug is an insidious killer, and no one is immune.
I have been off of Opiates for 25 days now, and I will tell you that it is no picnic. It is hard as hell, but I understand wholeheartedly that I am an addict who can not control the use of his drugs. It made my life unmanageable. Thank God I found help on this site and in the rooms of AA/NA.
Tsmba said it best, "The solution is surprisingly simple, but by no means easy". Check out an NA/AA meeting in your area. It sounds like your dad may even be a great resource for this type of help? If not, there are literally dozens of online sites that list meeting locations in your area. If you feel you need medical help, go see a doctor. There is help, you are not alone. You can stop using this drug, and get better.
PM me if you want to talk or need help kicking, finding a meeting.
I have been off of Opiates for 25 days now, and I will tell you that it is no picnic. It is hard as hell, but I understand wholeheartedly that I am an addict who can not control the use of his drugs. It made my life unmanageable. Thank God I found help on this site and in the rooms of AA/NA.
Tsmba said it best, "The solution is surprisingly simple, but by no means easy". Check out an NA/AA meeting in your area. It sounds like your dad may even be a great resource for this type of help? If not, there are literally dozens of online sites that list meeting locations in your area. If you feel you need medical help, go see a doctor. There is help, you are not alone. You can stop using this drug, and get better.
PM me if you want to talk or need help kicking, finding a meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 148
Sometimes to break a pattern of drug addiction you need to break other patterns. Think about those times when you habitually go for the drugs and alter your schedule so you are so busy and around other people that you don't have time to think about it. Yeah, the cravings may still linger, but at least you will be able to take your mind off it with new friends and a new lifestyle.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 6
I've found the way I best deal with it is by getting out of my house and actually doing things instead of being trapped in a go-nowhere situation where all I have to do is think about how I don't HAVE to be sweating and shaking or feeling so depressed that I can't even be with my daughter because of how ashamed I feel for her to have me as a father. I want more than anything to feel happy looking at her again without nagging thoughts of when I'll get my next fix.
The hardest thing for me is dropping my friends and my life. I'm in a band, all my friends and their friends are into drugs and alcohol and my closest friends are of course fellow opiate addicts. Many of them are not real friends, I know this, they use and look to gain. (I'm no exception) Even when we don't have the drugs one of them is still my friend and really wants to get clean but neither of us can. I want to help other people but I can't even help myself. How does one stay happy and content when the people they knew for so long can no longer be a part of their life?
The hardest thing for me is dropping my friends and my life. I'm in a band, all my friends and their friends are into drugs and alcohol and my closest friends are of course fellow opiate addicts. Many of them are not real friends, I know this, they use and look to gain. (I'm no exception) Even when we don't have the drugs one of them is still my friend and really wants to get clean but neither of us can. I want to help other people but I can't even help myself. How does one stay happy and content when the people they knew for so long can no longer be a part of their life?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I'm a musician too Psilo.
I drank rather than opiates but I had to cut loose those who didn't understand or support me, cos I knew I was killing myself with the life I led.
It wasn't an overnight process, but I found other people to play with and be around who support my decision and my new lifestyle
D
I drank rather than opiates but I had to cut loose those who didn't understand or support me, cos I knew I was killing myself with the life I led.
It wasn't an overnight process, but I found other people to play with and be around who support my decision and my new lifestyle
D
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
"The quality of your recovery is directly related to the depth of your surrender".
The quote above includes friends that have no intention getting or staying clean.
If you really want this, you need to be open to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean. You can't pick and choose. Sobriety is all or nothing. Yes, withdrawal sucks but it's such a small part of the whole process. It passes. It's once you start to feel better the real work begins.
One more thing I like to add. It can be deadly to stop benzo cold turkey. I suggest you seek a medical professional for a re-hab - detox plan.
Just my experience but please, keep posting.
TB
The quote above includes friends that have no intention getting or staying clean.
If you really want this, you need to be open to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean. You can't pick and choose. Sobriety is all or nothing. Yes, withdrawal sucks but it's such a small part of the whole process. It passes. It's once you start to feel better the real work begins.
One more thing I like to add. It can be deadly to stop benzo cold turkey. I suggest you seek a medical professional for a re-hab - detox plan.
Just my experience but please, keep posting.
TB
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Miami Beach, Florida
Posts: 52
hi and welcome psilo,
like everyone has said: this is a great place for support in both the forum and the sober recovery chat room. nothing, in my experience, can replace going and becoming a part of either aa or na. i too am an opiate addict and was specifically addicted to soma as my doc. it is a miracle that my heart didn't stop and that i woke up in the mornings. i am clean now for over 6 months. i could not stop. i could not taper down. i had to go to a detox. that was just my experience. many people have gone through detox in the na room itself...just meeting after meeting...sleeping there; reaching out for help...whatever it takes. all you need is one thing: the desire to stop which i think you have. let me tell you, my opinion is that it is easier not to use than the hard work of getting and using constantly. it is a relief to be sober. the first week was rough which is why i went through a detox. if you have insurance i highly recommend it. please feel free to write me anytime....there aren't too many people that were addicted to soma. good luck.
like everyone has said: this is a great place for support in both the forum and the sober recovery chat room. nothing, in my experience, can replace going and becoming a part of either aa or na. i too am an opiate addict and was specifically addicted to soma as my doc. it is a miracle that my heart didn't stop and that i woke up in the mornings. i am clean now for over 6 months. i could not stop. i could not taper down. i had to go to a detox. that was just my experience. many people have gone through detox in the na room itself...just meeting after meeting...sleeping there; reaching out for help...whatever it takes. all you need is one thing: the desire to stop which i think you have. let me tell you, my opinion is that it is easier not to use than the hard work of getting and using constantly. it is a relief to be sober. the first week was rough which is why i went through a detox. if you have insurance i highly recommend it. please feel free to write me anytime....there aren't too many people that were addicted to soma. good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Miami Beach, Florida
Posts: 52
Dear Failedtaper:
i read your reply to lily and wanted to write and say, i am also someone who has a couple of white chips but i now have over 6 months of continued sobriety. i just turned 50 and it is time to just grow up. hopefully, now that i am really involved in aa, this is it for me. what scared me was the fact that you got addicted to oxys after surgery. i am going to have to have a hip replacement (yep, at my age) and am trying to wait until i at least have 1 year...my surgeon already knows my addiction history and i plan on having my sponsor and my husband control any meds that may be needed after surgery. i am very proud of you that you are getting clean again...i know from my own experience that the older we get, the harder it is. good luck to you my fellow "old lady".
i read your reply to lily and wanted to write and say, i am also someone who has a couple of white chips but i now have over 6 months of continued sobriety. i just turned 50 and it is time to just grow up. hopefully, now that i am really involved in aa, this is it for me. what scared me was the fact that you got addicted to oxys after surgery. i am going to have to have a hip replacement (yep, at my age) and am trying to wait until i at least have 1 year...my surgeon already knows my addiction history and i plan on having my sponsor and my husband control any meds that may be needed after surgery. i am very proud of you that you are getting clean again...i know from my own experience that the older we get, the harder it is. good luck to you my fellow "old lady".
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Southbeach:
Hi there. I had both knees replaced just three months apart (June 2009 and September 2009) and then a total hysterectomy in March of this year. I truly needed pain medication, especially after my right knee was done, and the hysterectomy was almost an emergency. Oxycodone was HEAVEN to me. After years of pain, I felt GREAT -- for a little while. There's the trap. I truly had no idea that I would become addicted, and for awhile I could not imagine life without oxys.
It was only after I recognized what I was doing -- the lies, the going to different doctors and pharmacies at the same time, more lies, and then needing a dose I could no longer legally maintain -- that I panicked and realized I was in this deep.
The first three days after I stopped this madness last month, I was truly afraid I was going to have a seizure from stopping suddenly, but my only choice was the street at that point. I had swallowed all my pills -- 2 months worth of scripts in 10 days -- and no more source. I was SO SCARED. After I realized I was not going to have a seizure, on about day 3, I was still feeling so sick, I logged on here and found the courage to tell my husband what I had done. An so on. My posts are on the oxycodone withdrawal help thread.
I've told my doctor I have an ADVERSE REACTION to narcotics so that they will be cautious with prescribing for me in the future. Knee replacement is a tough orthopedic surgery (so I am told, compared with hip replacement) and I certainly had a lot of pain. If I EVER need surgery again, and maybe I will, I will not refuse pain medication but I will never permit it to be in my own hands again.
You'll get through your hip replacement just fine. Just stick to the prescribed aftercare with your meds "just like a regular person" would do. Don't ask for extra scripts when you are postop. My orthopedic surgeon refused to give me more drug, so I just went to several other doctors. Eventually nine or more doctors had been prescribing oxys for me.
The pain of surgery was nothing compared to doing this withdrawal thing. For me, it has been very physical, but also quite psychological. My first recoveries from alcohol and drugs were from voluntary use from the beginning. This time, looking back, I wish one of the medical people had called me on my abuse of the drug, but maybe it wouldn't have worked.
I don't know if I have another recovery in me. This one's gotta last.
Tell me if I can help you with your surgery experience, even if just to support your non use.
Hi there. I had both knees replaced just three months apart (June 2009 and September 2009) and then a total hysterectomy in March of this year. I truly needed pain medication, especially after my right knee was done, and the hysterectomy was almost an emergency. Oxycodone was HEAVEN to me. After years of pain, I felt GREAT -- for a little while. There's the trap. I truly had no idea that I would become addicted, and for awhile I could not imagine life without oxys.
It was only after I recognized what I was doing -- the lies, the going to different doctors and pharmacies at the same time, more lies, and then needing a dose I could no longer legally maintain -- that I panicked and realized I was in this deep.
The first three days after I stopped this madness last month, I was truly afraid I was going to have a seizure from stopping suddenly, but my only choice was the street at that point. I had swallowed all my pills -- 2 months worth of scripts in 10 days -- and no more source. I was SO SCARED. After I realized I was not going to have a seizure, on about day 3, I was still feeling so sick, I logged on here and found the courage to tell my husband what I had done. An so on. My posts are on the oxycodone withdrawal help thread.
I've told my doctor I have an ADVERSE REACTION to narcotics so that they will be cautious with prescribing for me in the future. Knee replacement is a tough orthopedic surgery (so I am told, compared with hip replacement) and I certainly had a lot of pain. If I EVER need surgery again, and maybe I will, I will not refuse pain medication but I will never permit it to be in my own hands again.
You'll get through your hip replacement just fine. Just stick to the prescribed aftercare with your meds "just like a regular person" would do. Don't ask for extra scripts when you are postop. My orthopedic surgeon refused to give me more drug, so I just went to several other doctors. Eventually nine or more doctors had been prescribing oxys for me.
The pain of surgery was nothing compared to doing this withdrawal thing. For me, it has been very physical, but also quite psychological. My first recoveries from alcohol and drugs were from voluntary use from the beginning. This time, looking back, I wish one of the medical people had called me on my abuse of the drug, but maybe it wouldn't have worked.
I don't know if I have another recovery in me. This one's gotta last.
Tell me if I can help you with your surgery experience, even if just to support your non use.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Miami Beach, Florida
Posts: 52
wow
hi failedtaper...
i am definitly adding you as a contact! what a story and what courage, honesty and willingness it took to tell your husband and own up to that. i know from personal experience how very hard that is. When i was using pills i also went to many doctors and pharmacies. i guess i eventually lucked out when one pharmacist said no and that he had found all the other (independent, out of the way) pharmacies i was using and that i needed help. i am lucky he didn't report me for shopping docs and the situation forced me to tell my husband that i was addicted to pills and that i needed help. that is when i tried to taper down with an addictionologist. that didn't work. i hit another bottom tappering (it was worse than stopping) and went into a detox.
i am scared of the surgery but will take your advise. i have another 6 months hopefully before i have to have it but would like to stay in touch and will keep you posted as i get closer to the surgery.
sounds like you are doing great now though and it is, i'm sure, such a relief that your husband knows and is hopefully supportive.
i am here for you as well!
good nite for now.
i am definitly adding you as a contact! what a story and what courage, honesty and willingness it took to tell your husband and own up to that. i know from personal experience how very hard that is. When i was using pills i also went to many doctors and pharmacies. i guess i eventually lucked out when one pharmacist said no and that he had found all the other (independent, out of the way) pharmacies i was using and that i needed help. i am lucky he didn't report me for shopping docs and the situation forced me to tell my husband that i was addicted to pills and that i needed help. that is when i tried to taper down with an addictionologist. that didn't work. i hit another bottom tappering (it was worse than stopping) and went into a detox.
i am scared of the surgery but will take your advise. i have another 6 months hopefully before i have to have it but would like to stay in touch and will keep you posted as i get closer to the surgery.
sounds like you are doing great now though and it is, i'm sure, such a relief that your husband knows and is hopefully supportive.
i am here for you as well!
good nite for now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 4
Hi there you are not alone!
I too am new to staying off the opiates. I have had a 2 year on again off again tormenting cycle with them. I have not ever injected, but hell if I could have gotten a hold of it, I probably would have. I am currently in some serious legal trouble because I am being charged with Prescription fraud, which is a felony.
Remember that question that is on all job applications that reads have you ever been convicted of a felony? Well, I may now get to change my answer to that.
I am looking at possible jail time. My lawyer says most likely not, but I have to tell you I am scared ******** and the only thing that I could think was that I was relieved that it was "all over". Well, man oh man it is not over by a long shot.
I have already relapsed twice and it is way harder than I ever anticipated! Not only did I have the bodily addiction, but my mental addiction is way worse. I can't stop thinking about it.
Any way, I am now in a Outpatient treatment program and I am going to start going to meetings again. I say again because I am also an alcholic. Fun stuff! All I can say is this just proves that anything slightly addictive is not my friend.
I just pray that this will get easier and that my will power will get stronger.
Remember that question that is on all job applications that reads have you ever been convicted of a felony? Well, I may now get to change my answer to that.
I am looking at possible jail time. My lawyer says most likely not, but I have to tell you I am scared ******** and the only thing that I could think was that I was relieved that it was "all over". Well, man oh man it is not over by a long shot.
I have already relapsed twice and it is way harder than I ever anticipated! Not only did I have the bodily addiction, but my mental addiction is way worse. I can't stop thinking about it.
Any way, I am now in a Outpatient treatment program and I am going to start going to meetings again. I say again because I am also an alcholic. Fun stuff! All I can say is this just proves that anything slightly addictive is not my friend.
I just pray that this will get easier and that my will power will get stronger.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 39
Add me to the old lady's group too. Isn't this just further evidence that these drugs are so not exclusive to any age group.
Psilo - You have got your entire life ahead of you and a chance to watch your child grow. You are blessed with youth and your child. I have sons your age and would hope that if they ever found themselves in your situation, they would know that I would help them save their lives. You want to get clean - great! That is a start. Know that if you continue to stay in an environment that supports using, it may be very difficult. Cutting ties with friends (at your age) who won't support your recovery is hard. But in the end you get your life and your child. Good luck with discovering the right path to lead you to kicking the drugs. Stay connected here for encouragement.
Psilo - You have got your entire life ahead of you and a chance to watch your child grow. You are blessed with youth and your child. I have sons your age and would hope that if they ever found themselves in your situation, they would know that I would help them save their lives. You want to get clean - great! That is a start. Know that if you continue to stay in an environment that supports using, it may be very difficult. Cutting ties with friends (at your age) who won't support your recovery is hard. But in the end you get your life and your child. Good luck with discovering the right path to lead you to kicking the drugs. Stay connected here for encouragement.
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