My husband is addicted to painkillers. Please help me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
My husband is addicted to painkillers. Please help me.
Hello. I am new to this forum.
Over the last few months, I have been noticing strange numbers on my husband's phone/phone bill. I thought he was cheating on me at first. Today I found a number that I know to be a girl's number. This girl and her husband sell drugs. I noticed over the last few bills that the numbers have shown up and last only a minute. I had an inkling that it was drugs, so I asked him who the number was (even though I knew) he at first said he didn't know, then I told him not to lie to me. He told me he was a drug addict, and he was addicted to painkillers. I feel like someone has ripped me apart inside. I don't know what to believe. I'm in disbelief actually. I've noticed odd behavior for a while now. His eyes are always blood shot, his appetite is non-existant, and he has lost a lot of weight. I thought he was a diabetic at first. Crazy. He is 26, I am 24, and we have a son together. He told me that coming home and seeing us is the only thing that keeps him clean, but when he goes to work (he works in construction, so he can get his hands on whatever and not worry about being drug tested) he can't fight the addiction, and sometimes he can't even when he's at home, I have noticed that he leaves randomly... he looks for reasons to go out, which is why I thought he was cheating, but the time he is gone isn't enough to be cheating, at least I don't think... cheating aside, he might have a bigger problem and that's addiction.. I love him and I want to help him.. he says he has tried to clean up and even went to a clinic, but he is always here is the thing.. i'm still confused.. i don't know what to believe.. i feel so helpless and lost.. please help me.
Over the last few months, I have been noticing strange numbers on my husband's phone/phone bill. I thought he was cheating on me at first. Today I found a number that I know to be a girl's number. This girl and her husband sell drugs. I noticed over the last few bills that the numbers have shown up and last only a minute. I had an inkling that it was drugs, so I asked him who the number was (even though I knew) he at first said he didn't know, then I told him not to lie to me. He told me he was a drug addict, and he was addicted to painkillers. I feel like someone has ripped me apart inside. I don't know what to believe. I'm in disbelief actually. I've noticed odd behavior for a while now. His eyes are always blood shot, his appetite is non-existant, and he has lost a lot of weight. I thought he was a diabetic at first. Crazy. He is 26, I am 24, and we have a son together. He told me that coming home and seeing us is the only thing that keeps him clean, but when he goes to work (he works in construction, so he can get his hands on whatever and not worry about being drug tested) he can't fight the addiction, and sometimes he can't even when he's at home, I have noticed that he leaves randomly... he looks for reasons to go out, which is why I thought he was cheating, but the time he is gone isn't enough to be cheating, at least I don't think... cheating aside, he might have a bigger problem and that's addiction.. I love him and I want to help him.. he says he has tried to clean up and even went to a clinic, but he is always here is the thing.. i'm still confused.. i don't know what to believe.. i feel so helpless and lost.. please help me.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi l0nelydreamer
I'm sorry for your situation.
I know you want to help your husband but please take care of yourself too - find support for you too...the decision to get clean, and stay that way, has to be your husbands - I hope he makes it soon.
I really recommend you also check out our Friends and Family forum here - you'll find a lot of people down there who've been through the same kinds of things you're going through.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I'm sorry for your situation.
I know you want to help your husband but please take care of yourself too - find support for you too...the decision to get clean, and stay that way, has to be your husbands - I hope he makes it soon.
I really recommend you also check out our Friends and Family forum here - you'll find a lot of people down there who've been through the same kinds of things you're going through.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: va
Posts: 8
long day
Hi lonely,
I saw you posted a response to me, I'm really sorry that you're in the situation that you're in. I feel like if my girlfriend knew what was going on with me, she would feel exactly the same way you do. I know it must be really hard. How long has your husband been using? For me it has been for almost 8 years or so, starting with just alcohol and then combining different drugs to reach that inital high i got from the first time. Like me he most likely started through what he thought was harmless partying and it just all snowballed on him. With me I thought it was all part of "growing up", until one day I woke up and I couldn't function without being on pills. It's really a horrible feeling, nothing you would ever really want to go through. I have tried to quit numerous times, but there's always been some type of reason why I started using again. It's sad really.
What you describes of your husband definetly mimics me, my girlfriend has almost caught me a few times going to get drugs, or using drugs in my house. It would be my guess that he has wanted to tell you a million times about his problem, he was probably just way too ashamed of it and didn't want you to let you down. But now that it's all out in the open he can start to get better from here. I dont know if he is addicted to anything else, but I had to quit everything I was doing or I would go right back to what I was doing.
It really is an everyday fight. Im only on day 5, and it feels like its been a year. Every little problem during the day makes me want to use. And I could see him feeling the same way with a construction job, being sore all the time. What has been helpful to me is actually talking and telling people about my problem, even though it really has only been strangers online. I know everyone always suggests meetings or sponsers, but does your hubby have some sort of plan to stop? I think that is the first step to his success....
Gnite
Glad
I saw you posted a response to me, I'm really sorry that you're in the situation that you're in. I feel like if my girlfriend knew what was going on with me, she would feel exactly the same way you do. I know it must be really hard. How long has your husband been using? For me it has been for almost 8 years or so, starting with just alcohol and then combining different drugs to reach that inital high i got from the first time. Like me he most likely started through what he thought was harmless partying and it just all snowballed on him. With me I thought it was all part of "growing up", until one day I woke up and I couldn't function without being on pills. It's really a horrible feeling, nothing you would ever really want to go through. I have tried to quit numerous times, but there's always been some type of reason why I started using again. It's sad really.
What you describes of your husband definetly mimics me, my girlfriend has almost caught me a few times going to get drugs, or using drugs in my house. It would be my guess that he has wanted to tell you a million times about his problem, he was probably just way too ashamed of it and didn't want you to let you down. But now that it's all out in the open he can start to get better from here. I dont know if he is addicted to anything else, but I had to quit everything I was doing or I would go right back to what I was doing.
It really is an everyday fight. Im only on day 5, and it feels like its been a year. Every little problem during the day makes me want to use. And I could see him feeling the same way with a construction job, being sore all the time. What has been helpful to me is actually talking and telling people about my problem, even though it really has only been strangers online. I know everyone always suggests meetings or sponsers, but does your hubby have some sort of plan to stop? I think that is the first step to his success....
Gnite
Glad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
Congratulations on day five! That is an amazing accomplishment! =)
My husband was ashamed to tell me, and he did want to tell me many times; you are right. Last night was extremely hard. I managed to sleep an hour. I am experiencing so many feelings that I can't even get a grip on myself - I go from sad, okay, hurt, enraged, to numb. I keep telling myself this isn't my husband, but it is. My husband is addicted, and I don't know how to help him. I hate how I'm feeling, and I wish I couldn't feel this pain at all. I imagine that what I'm feeling is a hundred times worse for my husband & for you because of these addictions.
My husband's plan of action is to stay home for two weeks and completely withdraw himself from the painkillers. He managed to make it six days the last time he tried to stop is what he told me. I cannot believe I never realized. He had nights where he could not sleep, he was restless, puking, etc. They were so far apart that I believed it was just an illness. Part of me actually thought about drugs, but for the life of me, I could not imagine my husband snorting and eating pills. The idea of cheating was much more acceptable for me, because I knew he wouldn't do it - but something was off about his behavior, and I had to make myself believe something. I feel sick. I can't eat or sleep. I am powerless, and as much as I hate it, I know my husband's situation is a hundred times worse. All he can do is tell me how sorry he is, how much he hates himself. I hate the fact I had to find out on my own. I hate that he didn't tell me, because my trust is now damaged. When he gets clean, what if he relapses? Will he tell me? I don't think he will, and if he relapses and keeps it from me, I believe it will completely devastate me, and I cannot let that happen to me for our son's sake. I told my husband if he was going to quit that he needed to part ways with the people he's around - his coworkers who have pills on-hand every day. He seems to think that now that I know, he can quit and resist the temptation at work. I do not believe that. Addiction doesn't just break - it's a process that takes time. I want to change his cell phone number so these people cannot contact him anymore - & if they do, it will be because he gave them the number. I don't want to do this without giving him a chance to quit, but the fear will not go away. If he gets clean, what happens when he returns to work around all these people doing pills? They don't care if he's clean -- I do. His objection to that makes me think he doesn't want to quit. I've thought of giving him an ultimatum - cut the ties or keep me. I am angry now, and I hate it.
My husband's addiction began with alcohol at the age of 17. He is now 26. From the age of 17 thru 20, he did everything from alcohol to trying cocaine twice. When we got together, he quit everything. He drank some, but no where near what he did before we met. He quit drinking entirely two years ago - when he picked up doing pills again. I am worried that he has an addictive personality. Right now, he says he is only doing pills b/c if he doesn't do them, he gets "sick," he withdrawals if goes a day without. I am worried this will lead to something harder like heroin or cocaine. My heart is literally broken into a million pieces. I can barely look him in the eye.
Perhaps you should tell your gf this, if she truly cares for you, she will do everything she can to help you. She will eventually find out one way or another - just as I did. The truth hurts, but being lied to hurts much worse. Every time I asked about a number, he would say he didn't know who it was... I knew he was lying b/c they were calls he made, not incoming calls. You can and will overcome this, Glad. Don't give up on yourself - talking about it helps a lot, and even if it's complete strangers, there are people who have been and are in your shoes that are able to help you. You're already on day 5 -- I hope you can see how wonderfully you are doing!
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." ~Henri Nouwen
My husband was ashamed to tell me, and he did want to tell me many times; you are right. Last night was extremely hard. I managed to sleep an hour. I am experiencing so many feelings that I can't even get a grip on myself - I go from sad, okay, hurt, enraged, to numb. I keep telling myself this isn't my husband, but it is. My husband is addicted, and I don't know how to help him. I hate how I'm feeling, and I wish I couldn't feel this pain at all. I imagine that what I'm feeling is a hundred times worse for my husband & for you because of these addictions.
My husband's plan of action is to stay home for two weeks and completely withdraw himself from the painkillers. He managed to make it six days the last time he tried to stop is what he told me. I cannot believe I never realized. He had nights where he could not sleep, he was restless, puking, etc. They were so far apart that I believed it was just an illness. Part of me actually thought about drugs, but for the life of me, I could not imagine my husband snorting and eating pills. The idea of cheating was much more acceptable for me, because I knew he wouldn't do it - but something was off about his behavior, and I had to make myself believe something. I feel sick. I can't eat or sleep. I am powerless, and as much as I hate it, I know my husband's situation is a hundred times worse. All he can do is tell me how sorry he is, how much he hates himself. I hate the fact I had to find out on my own. I hate that he didn't tell me, because my trust is now damaged. When he gets clean, what if he relapses? Will he tell me? I don't think he will, and if he relapses and keeps it from me, I believe it will completely devastate me, and I cannot let that happen to me for our son's sake. I told my husband if he was going to quit that he needed to part ways with the people he's around - his coworkers who have pills on-hand every day. He seems to think that now that I know, he can quit and resist the temptation at work. I do not believe that. Addiction doesn't just break - it's a process that takes time. I want to change his cell phone number so these people cannot contact him anymore - & if they do, it will be because he gave them the number. I don't want to do this without giving him a chance to quit, but the fear will not go away. If he gets clean, what happens when he returns to work around all these people doing pills? They don't care if he's clean -- I do. His objection to that makes me think he doesn't want to quit. I've thought of giving him an ultimatum - cut the ties or keep me. I am angry now, and I hate it.
My husband's addiction began with alcohol at the age of 17. He is now 26. From the age of 17 thru 20, he did everything from alcohol to trying cocaine twice. When we got together, he quit everything. He drank some, but no where near what he did before we met. He quit drinking entirely two years ago - when he picked up doing pills again. I am worried that he has an addictive personality. Right now, he says he is only doing pills b/c if he doesn't do them, he gets "sick," he withdrawals if goes a day without. I am worried this will lead to something harder like heroin or cocaine. My heart is literally broken into a million pieces. I can barely look him in the eye.
Perhaps you should tell your gf this, if she truly cares for you, she will do everything she can to help you. She will eventually find out one way or another - just as I did. The truth hurts, but being lied to hurts much worse. Every time I asked about a number, he would say he didn't know who it was... I knew he was lying b/c they were calls he made, not incoming calls. You can and will overcome this, Glad. Don't give up on yourself - talking about it helps a lot, and even if it's complete strangers, there are people who have been and are in your shoes that are able to help you. You're already on day 5 -- I hope you can see how wonderfully you are doing!
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." ~Henri Nouwen
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: va
Posts: 8
new years eve
lonely,
You're husband sounds exactly like me, and i believe we both do have addictive personalities. Everyone in my family told me growing up that my father had one and they were worried that it would pass down to me as well. The worst part is I have been trying to quit pills for at least a year now. My best friend went to rehab for them months back, so it was a great time for me to quit. Instead it just put me in a worst place, having to lie to everyone about my addiction. I hate lieing, I really do. But it's something that im really good at. I would love to tell my girlfriend but I know she will feel the exact same way as you, so hurt and decieved. She has almost caught me numerous times, but I lied my way out of it. I'm sure she suspects it. She knows that I'm quitting everything right now, she just thinks it's drinking and nicotine. She doesn't know that I smoke on occation and was snorting pills as much as I could.
I think its a great idea to change your husbands number and get him a new phone that has no numbers from his old dealers. That is exactly what my best friend did when he got out of rehab. He did well for a while, but then he started drinking very heavily. He never really drank too much before, always just snorted pills smoked blunts and would nod out. People who are on pills kind of isolate themselfs from society for some reason. I cant really describe what I mean. When it was Friday or Saturday night, I'd rather get ****** up at my house and not go out. Maybe it was because if i mixed anything with alcohol I become a crazy person and make a fool of myself. Plus after I got a DUI a couple years ago I don't really like driving around all messed up anymore.
I'm on day 6 now, the same day you said you're husband made it to last time. I feel differenet today then the first couple days. I told really feel too many withdraws anymore, I just really would like to get ****** up. It's so boring where I live on the weekends, there's not really much to do. But that is no excuse for getting messed up. It really is on mine and most likely his too, thinking about that feeling. People who aren't addicts prolly read this and think "man this guy is really down the path, I'm glad that isnt me". And that is exactly what I used to think of people who were addicted to something. And now IT IS me. But only I can stop it. Not my girlfriend, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers or anything. You're husband has to be the one who has had enough, who is tired of going through withdraws. Who is tired of lieing to the people who care about him most. That was the breaking part with me, was constantly lieing to my girlfriend. But I guess i havent even gotten that far yet because I havent even told her the whole truth about everything that I've quit. I think the reason is because I'm scared ill relaspe. That was prolly the reason he didn't tell you, even though he tried to quit himself numerous times. I'm sorry you're in this situation. But what i try to tell myself is it's better to quit this ( or in your case get your husband to quit) now then 10-15 years down the road. If we dont face our problems now they will still be there no matter what. So I dont care how much it hurts or how bad i cant sleep, I'm dealing with this now.
Hope you have a better day, just think tomorrow it's gona be a new (and better) year
Glad
You're husband sounds exactly like me, and i believe we both do have addictive personalities. Everyone in my family told me growing up that my father had one and they were worried that it would pass down to me as well. The worst part is I have been trying to quit pills for at least a year now. My best friend went to rehab for them months back, so it was a great time for me to quit. Instead it just put me in a worst place, having to lie to everyone about my addiction. I hate lieing, I really do. But it's something that im really good at. I would love to tell my girlfriend but I know she will feel the exact same way as you, so hurt and decieved. She has almost caught me numerous times, but I lied my way out of it. I'm sure she suspects it. She knows that I'm quitting everything right now, she just thinks it's drinking and nicotine. She doesn't know that I smoke on occation and was snorting pills as much as I could.
I think its a great idea to change your husbands number and get him a new phone that has no numbers from his old dealers. That is exactly what my best friend did when he got out of rehab. He did well for a while, but then he started drinking very heavily. He never really drank too much before, always just snorted pills smoked blunts and would nod out. People who are on pills kind of isolate themselfs from society for some reason. I cant really describe what I mean. When it was Friday or Saturday night, I'd rather get ****** up at my house and not go out. Maybe it was because if i mixed anything with alcohol I become a crazy person and make a fool of myself. Plus after I got a DUI a couple years ago I don't really like driving around all messed up anymore.
I'm on day 6 now, the same day you said you're husband made it to last time. I feel differenet today then the first couple days. I told really feel too many withdraws anymore, I just really would like to get ****** up. It's so boring where I live on the weekends, there's not really much to do. But that is no excuse for getting messed up. It really is on mine and most likely his too, thinking about that feeling. People who aren't addicts prolly read this and think "man this guy is really down the path, I'm glad that isnt me". And that is exactly what I used to think of people who were addicted to something. And now IT IS me. But only I can stop it. Not my girlfriend, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers or anything. You're husband has to be the one who has had enough, who is tired of going through withdraws. Who is tired of lieing to the people who care about him most. That was the breaking part with me, was constantly lieing to my girlfriend. But I guess i havent even gotten that far yet because I havent even told her the whole truth about everything that I've quit. I think the reason is because I'm scared ill relaspe. That was prolly the reason he didn't tell you, even though he tried to quit himself numerous times. I'm sorry you're in this situation. But what i try to tell myself is it's better to quit this ( or in your case get your husband to quit) now then 10-15 years down the road. If we dont face our problems now they will still be there no matter what. So I dont care how much it hurts or how bad i cant sleep, I'm dealing with this now.
Hope you have a better day, just think tomorrow it's gona be a new (and better) year
Glad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
We are both from Va., how crazy!
Congratulations on day six - this is awesome! =) It's almost day seven - which means ONE WEEK! I am extremely happy for you! I don't view you as someone who's really down a path... I see a lot of hope from your posts. I believe you can overcome this because you truly want to. My husband does, too. After he told me, I kept throwing up this place - saying there's nothing here (this is a small town, and there is nothing to do here either, so you are not alone), that everyone in this town is on pills (and most are), saying if it wasn't for this or that, but he told me it isn't the people or this town - it is him. He is the one with the problem, and it makes me feel good to know that he is taking full responsibility for it, just as you are. That's the only way it will ever be conquered. Our lives are our own - we control ourselves. My husband hates lying, too. That's why he felt so relieved when I found out. He's good at it, he's gotten good at it - I hate that for the last two years, he has hidden this from me so well. I hate that I should have noticed and didn't.
One thing I noticed from your post is that you said everyone always worried that you'd end up like your father. It's important that you know & understand that you are not your father. I see a lot of good qualities in you that you should definitely focus on. You seem like a good person who has just made some bad decisions, as we all have. My husband even had a DUI several years ago, and after his DUI, he did the same thing... stayed at home (he lived with his parents then) and got messed up. I am actually hoping that I might be able to get him on this forum or find some local meetings.
I broke down today. I burned a CD and the music really helped me. For the most part of today, I have felt like a zombie; a shell of a human, really. I began the emotional part when he called to say he'd left from work. All I could do was wonder where he was going, was he going to get pills before he came home? He told me he hadn't had a pill today, and I believe it. He's in pain tonight, and he's been having tremors. I also found out tonight he has been buying suboxone to try and get sober... but he wants to quit entirely b/c he says buying the suboxone is just addicting him to something else. I keep worrying he will relapse - that he didn't do anything today, but what about tomorrow? I try to keep in mind that it's one day at a time... He says everything will be okay, that he can do it this time b/c he hates it so much... & now that I know, I guess he feels as though a huge burden has been lifted off his shoulders. My heart breaks every time I hear him say he hates it, he hates what he has done to us & to himself... all I want to do is just hold him and make it all right. I hope that we can do this on our own - I'm worried that we can't, I'm worried that maybe this is the wrong thing and I should be searching for a clinic or something to get him into? I agree that dealing with it now is the way to go.. you can get a hold on this and overcome it. I honestly believe letting your girlfriend know could definitely help you, but only you know what is right for you - make sure you have some good support... you can private message me any time you want to... or even if you'd like to exchange IM's or something. I'm sorry if I seem like a freak! I promise I'm not.. it's just that this story really and truly makes me want to reach out to you.. just b/c I see so much of my husband in your posts. You have already got an excellent mentality towards this - you are ready to take it on and deal with it, and I want you to know that I'm proud of you for that.. I truly believe you will succeed! I am telling you some of the same things I have told my husband over the last 30 some hours. Just know that there are people out there to reach out to - you don't have to be alone in this.. and I think it's awesome that you have chronicled your days.. I think that helps.. that's the only thing that's helped me, really.. it just feels good to get it out.. even though I'm on the other end of addiction.. & I'm trying my best to stay as strong as possible for my husband. The last thing I want is to become so emotionally f***ed from this that I end up making things worse--which is why I decided to post here on this forum. It levels me. I write it out on paper during the day while my husband is at work.. and let my husband see it when he gets home.. in this case, I just broke down into tears when he got home.. I think it will be okay.. my only hope is that he sobers up & we make it through this.. I'm handling it a bit better now.. instead of the initial shock, I'm ready to be whatever he needs me to be for him.. whatever can help him, that's what I hope he'll let me be.. he said there's nothing I can do except watch him withdrawal pretty much.. so, that's what I'm going to do.
Congratulations on day six - this is awesome! =) It's almost day seven - which means ONE WEEK! I am extremely happy for you! I don't view you as someone who's really down a path... I see a lot of hope from your posts. I believe you can overcome this because you truly want to. My husband does, too. After he told me, I kept throwing up this place - saying there's nothing here (this is a small town, and there is nothing to do here either, so you are not alone), that everyone in this town is on pills (and most are), saying if it wasn't for this or that, but he told me it isn't the people or this town - it is him. He is the one with the problem, and it makes me feel good to know that he is taking full responsibility for it, just as you are. That's the only way it will ever be conquered. Our lives are our own - we control ourselves. My husband hates lying, too. That's why he felt so relieved when I found out. He's good at it, he's gotten good at it - I hate that for the last two years, he has hidden this from me so well. I hate that I should have noticed and didn't.
One thing I noticed from your post is that you said everyone always worried that you'd end up like your father. It's important that you know & understand that you are not your father. I see a lot of good qualities in you that you should definitely focus on. You seem like a good person who has just made some bad decisions, as we all have. My husband even had a DUI several years ago, and after his DUI, he did the same thing... stayed at home (he lived with his parents then) and got messed up. I am actually hoping that I might be able to get him on this forum or find some local meetings.
I broke down today. I burned a CD and the music really helped me. For the most part of today, I have felt like a zombie; a shell of a human, really. I began the emotional part when he called to say he'd left from work. All I could do was wonder where he was going, was he going to get pills before he came home? He told me he hadn't had a pill today, and I believe it. He's in pain tonight, and he's been having tremors. I also found out tonight he has been buying suboxone to try and get sober... but he wants to quit entirely b/c he says buying the suboxone is just addicting him to something else. I keep worrying he will relapse - that he didn't do anything today, but what about tomorrow? I try to keep in mind that it's one day at a time... He says everything will be okay, that he can do it this time b/c he hates it so much... & now that I know, I guess he feels as though a huge burden has been lifted off his shoulders. My heart breaks every time I hear him say he hates it, he hates what he has done to us & to himself... all I want to do is just hold him and make it all right. I hope that we can do this on our own - I'm worried that we can't, I'm worried that maybe this is the wrong thing and I should be searching for a clinic or something to get him into? I agree that dealing with it now is the way to go.. you can get a hold on this and overcome it. I honestly believe letting your girlfriend know could definitely help you, but only you know what is right for you - make sure you have some good support... you can private message me any time you want to... or even if you'd like to exchange IM's or something. I'm sorry if I seem like a freak! I promise I'm not.. it's just that this story really and truly makes me want to reach out to you.. just b/c I see so much of my husband in your posts. You have already got an excellent mentality towards this - you are ready to take it on and deal with it, and I want you to know that I'm proud of you for that.. I truly believe you will succeed! I am telling you some of the same things I have told my husband over the last 30 some hours. Just know that there are people out there to reach out to - you don't have to be alone in this.. and I think it's awesome that you have chronicled your days.. I think that helps.. that's the only thing that's helped me, really.. it just feels good to get it out.. even though I'm on the other end of addiction.. & I'm trying my best to stay as strong as possible for my husband. The last thing I want is to become so emotionally f***ed from this that I end up making things worse--which is why I decided to post here on this forum. It levels me. I write it out on paper during the day while my husband is at work.. and let my husband see it when he gets home.. in this case, I just broke down into tears when he got home.. I think it will be okay.. my only hope is that he sobers up & we make it through this.. I'm handling it a bit better now.. instead of the initial shock, I'm ready to be whatever he needs me to be for him.. whatever can help him, that's what I hope he'll let me be.. he said there's nothing I can do except watch him withdrawal pretty much.. so, that's what I'm going to do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
also - happy new year to you -- tomorrow (which will be here soon!) is a brand new for us.. so, i leave you with Emerson:
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities
no doubt have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely
and with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with
your old nonsense.
This day is all that is
good and fair.
It is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on yesterdays.
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities
no doubt have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely
and with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with
your old nonsense.
This day is all that is
good and fair.
It is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on yesterdays.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: va
Posts: 8
A New Year
Lonely,
Im glad to see you're feeling a little better about the situation, you seem in a lot better mood than you're last post. How was you're New Years Eve? Mine went pretty well, I worked until 9 and then me and my friend went to one of our friends house. It was pretty fun, even though we were sober. I once that before that going somewhere being sober would be fun. We sat around and talked for probably 3 hours or so and then we watched a new movie called "Takers". We didn't leave until the middle of the night.
It sounds like things are getting a little better for him, he's on like day 4? That is when I stopped really feeling withdraw symtoms, which are the worst. How much suboxone has he been taking a day? I thought about getting it, but like he said I think its pretty much going from being addicted to one thing to another. My dad used to be hooked on pills too, and now he's hooked up suboxone. He says the only reason he takes it is because it helps him sleep at night. But he's been tapering for almost a year and is still on it. I actually told him everything that has been going on with me yesterday, and he was very supportive of me. He told me if I ever feel like I'm about to use, to call and talk to him first. So it made me feel really good to actually tell someone everything that is going on, and not try half of it to try to make it sound good and sugarcoat it.
One of the biggest problems that I'm facing now is I get so bored when I'm not using, I dont really know what to do. I've been trying to stay busy, doing different things. Working out, playing xbox360, cleaning my house, reading a few books and magazines, but my particular favorite lately has been playing scrabble. I have a droid with verizon, and they have a couple aps where you can actually play different people all over the world in scrabble. It's actually pretty fun, makes me use my mind ( which I haven't done in sooo long) and the best of all, its free. It's not draining my bank account like buying beer or pills use to.
About to go watch college football all day, I hope everything is going good with you lonely! It's gona take time , but I promise everything is going to be okay
Glad
Im glad to see you're feeling a little better about the situation, you seem in a lot better mood than you're last post. How was you're New Years Eve? Mine went pretty well, I worked until 9 and then me and my friend went to one of our friends house. It was pretty fun, even though we were sober. I once that before that going somewhere being sober would be fun. We sat around and talked for probably 3 hours or so and then we watched a new movie called "Takers". We didn't leave until the middle of the night.
It sounds like things are getting a little better for him, he's on like day 4? That is when I stopped really feeling withdraw symtoms, which are the worst. How much suboxone has he been taking a day? I thought about getting it, but like he said I think its pretty much going from being addicted to one thing to another. My dad used to be hooked on pills too, and now he's hooked up suboxone. He says the only reason he takes it is because it helps him sleep at night. But he's been tapering for almost a year and is still on it. I actually told him everything that has been going on with me yesterday, and he was very supportive of me. He told me if I ever feel like I'm about to use, to call and talk to him first. So it made me feel really good to actually tell someone everything that is going on, and not try half of it to try to make it sound good and sugarcoat it.
One of the biggest problems that I'm facing now is I get so bored when I'm not using, I dont really know what to do. I've been trying to stay busy, doing different things. Working out, playing xbox360, cleaning my house, reading a few books and magazines, but my particular favorite lately has been playing scrabble. I have a droid with verizon, and they have a couple aps where you can actually play different people all over the world in scrabble. It's actually pretty fun, makes me use my mind ( which I haven't done in sooo long) and the best of all, its free. It's not draining my bank account like buying beer or pills use to.
About to go watch college football all day, I hope everything is going good with you lonely! It's gona take time , but I promise everything is going to be okay
Glad
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