I Understand Now Why Its So Hard to Deal With Addicts
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
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I Understand Now Why Its So Hard to Deal With Addicts
Yesterday at work my friend sends me an email saying that he was having a really bad day and could I meet him after work.
Long story short, he had moved out of his old apartment because he wasn't getting along with the landlord's son. Landlord's son has a gun and they 'beef' a lot so he decided to leave before he got arrested. Then he left his baby mama's house because he tried to discipline their son and his baby mama got mad at him. Unfortunately in the heat of the moment he didn't really think about where he was going to go after that. He said he wanted to press charges on his baby mama for destroying his stuff but he was afraid to go down to the police station and report her because with his luck he might get arrested. I asked him if he had any outstanding warrants or charges and he said he wasn't sure.
So he calls me up while he was on one bus. Then on another bus, then in the stairwell of his 'peeps' apartment complex. He tells me that he has a friend back in the city where we work (and I live) and could I please come pick him up from the station and drop him there. He said he was going to call his friend. So when I was leaving to pick him up, I assumed that when he had called his friend, and the friend had agreed to put him up for the night.
So I picked him up and take him to his friends house. It turns out his friend wasn't there and his game plan had been to knock on the basement window so I guess his friend could sneak him in. His friend (who has a gun) didn't respond to any of his numerous phone calls.
My friend O called what seemed like everyone in his phone book. And with each wrong number or 'friend' who turned him down, my heart sank just a little more and I realized that maybe he had been hoping to get me to give him a place to stay.
These were the conversations:
O: Heeyyyyyy. Its me. Smoky
Other Person: Who?
O: Its meeeeee!!! Smoky
OP: Oh heeeyyyyy whats up.
O: Nothin nothing. Do you have Cash's number?
OP: Whos's Cash?
O: You know Cash?
OP: Oh oh oh I know who you are talking about. I haven't talked to him in years. Same as the last time I talked to you
O: Oh ok
O: man... I'm too old for this. (He's 35 going on 36).
We got paid last week and I asked him if he still had money left. He didn't. He needed a comfortable bed, so he spent half of his $800 paycheque on a downpayment on a new king sized bed and side tables and mattress.
I asked why he couldn't go to his grand mother's house till next friday which is payday. But he had broken his uncle's $500 stereo so he couldn't go there because he and his uncle would get into a fight. That was in the summer and he hasn't tried to pay him back. I asked him if he could just pay him back with the next paycheque so he can live with his grandmother in peace. He said yes. Then he told me it wasn't really his fault that the stereo broke but he took responsibility for it.
I couldn't take him to my house (nor did I want to even if I could at this point) because I'm living with my brother rent free for a couple of months now until I sort myself out financially.
Then we went and stopped by 'this white girl who really wants me's house.' But she said no because her man might freak if he stopped by and found him there.
I suggested that he wait in the hospital lobby because they are so busy it would be easy to go unnoticed, or so I thought. But O insisted that if he hung out there he might get arrested. Then I suggested that he pretend to shop inside the Wal-Mart until the buses started running again about 2 hours later but he insisted that he would get arrested if he did that.
Then he asked me to drive him to another set of residences that don't have a security guard to see if he could get in there and just hang out. But they were all locked up tight.
So I dropped him off at the Wal-Mart and went home. At this point, I had been driving around with him for nearly 3 hours. He called me about 45 minutes later to tell me that he must have forgotten his wallet in my car and that he was outside the Wal-Mart because he just couldn't wait in there. He had $4 on him which would be enough to get home if he just went to a station that connected both transit systems he needed for free. But he couldn't go to the closest station like that because he had got a ticket there and was afraid to be arrested.
As I was talking to him, I heard a whole litany of excuses and theories about why he was in this situation.
To me it seemed crystal clear. If you hang out with people who sell drugs and carry guns, the police will become your new best friends. Maybe as a single guy with no expenses (he doesn't pay child support because his baby momma gets more from the govt than she could get from him) maybe after working for a couple of months you know you should have saved up at least a little money.
Maybe if you and your baby momma have a contentious history you should take it easy when disciplining your child. (She didn't tell him that was his son until the baby was about 3 so he is really a new addition to his son's life) He had a legit reason for disciplining him but I just think he needed to take it a bit slow.
Maybe you should have spent the earlier part of the day calling people and figuring out your living situation earlier in the day instead of waiting until about 7pm to start especially over the holidays.
It seems so simple from the outside. It occured to me that this is what people must feel when they are dealing with us as addicts.
Why can't you stop using and finish that degree.
Why can't you stop using so you can hold onto a job for more than a few weeks.
How about you stop using so you can learn to plan ahead and think before you act?
How about you stop using so you can stop hanging out with your criminal friends and stop getting arrested?
I wanted to ask him what he thought he was thinking when he upped and left with nowhere to go. I wanted to ask him why he didn't pay his baby momma with a cheque for rent so he could prove he could stay there. I wanted to ask him how is it possible that you always seem to find trouble? My brother has never been stopped by the police, never had a ticket. Why is it that doing perfectly innocuous things like haning out at Wal-Mart generates a mortal fear of being arrested.
I will not be hanging out with him anymore. He is a nice guy, he really is but his life is chaotic and it made me think that maybe when people look at me, particulary times when my drinking is the worst, that is what they say. A person making the same blatantly obvious mistakes over and over and over and never learning.
Long story short, he had moved out of his old apartment because he wasn't getting along with the landlord's son. Landlord's son has a gun and they 'beef' a lot so he decided to leave before he got arrested. Then he left his baby mama's house because he tried to discipline their son and his baby mama got mad at him. Unfortunately in the heat of the moment he didn't really think about where he was going to go after that. He said he wanted to press charges on his baby mama for destroying his stuff but he was afraid to go down to the police station and report her because with his luck he might get arrested. I asked him if he had any outstanding warrants or charges and he said he wasn't sure.
So he calls me up while he was on one bus. Then on another bus, then in the stairwell of his 'peeps' apartment complex. He tells me that he has a friend back in the city where we work (and I live) and could I please come pick him up from the station and drop him there. He said he was going to call his friend. So when I was leaving to pick him up, I assumed that when he had called his friend, and the friend had agreed to put him up for the night.
So I picked him up and take him to his friends house. It turns out his friend wasn't there and his game plan had been to knock on the basement window so I guess his friend could sneak him in. His friend (who has a gun) didn't respond to any of his numerous phone calls.
My friend O called what seemed like everyone in his phone book. And with each wrong number or 'friend' who turned him down, my heart sank just a little more and I realized that maybe he had been hoping to get me to give him a place to stay.
These were the conversations:
O: Heeyyyyyy. Its me. Smoky
Other Person: Who?
O: Its meeeeee!!! Smoky
OP: Oh heeeyyyyy whats up.
O: Nothin nothing. Do you have Cash's number?
OP: Whos's Cash?
O: You know Cash?
OP: Oh oh oh I know who you are talking about. I haven't talked to him in years. Same as the last time I talked to you
O: Oh ok
O: man... I'm too old for this. (He's 35 going on 36).
We got paid last week and I asked him if he still had money left. He didn't. He needed a comfortable bed, so he spent half of his $800 paycheque on a downpayment on a new king sized bed and side tables and mattress.
I asked why he couldn't go to his grand mother's house till next friday which is payday. But he had broken his uncle's $500 stereo so he couldn't go there because he and his uncle would get into a fight. That was in the summer and he hasn't tried to pay him back. I asked him if he could just pay him back with the next paycheque so he can live with his grandmother in peace. He said yes. Then he told me it wasn't really his fault that the stereo broke but he took responsibility for it.
I couldn't take him to my house (nor did I want to even if I could at this point) because I'm living with my brother rent free for a couple of months now until I sort myself out financially.
Then we went and stopped by 'this white girl who really wants me's house.' But she said no because her man might freak if he stopped by and found him there.
I suggested that he wait in the hospital lobby because they are so busy it would be easy to go unnoticed, or so I thought. But O insisted that if he hung out there he might get arrested. Then I suggested that he pretend to shop inside the Wal-Mart until the buses started running again about 2 hours later but he insisted that he would get arrested if he did that.
Then he asked me to drive him to another set of residences that don't have a security guard to see if he could get in there and just hang out. But they were all locked up tight.
So I dropped him off at the Wal-Mart and went home. At this point, I had been driving around with him for nearly 3 hours. He called me about 45 minutes later to tell me that he must have forgotten his wallet in my car and that he was outside the Wal-Mart because he just couldn't wait in there. He had $4 on him which would be enough to get home if he just went to a station that connected both transit systems he needed for free. But he couldn't go to the closest station like that because he had got a ticket there and was afraid to be arrested.
As I was talking to him, I heard a whole litany of excuses and theories about why he was in this situation.
To me it seemed crystal clear. If you hang out with people who sell drugs and carry guns, the police will become your new best friends. Maybe as a single guy with no expenses (he doesn't pay child support because his baby momma gets more from the govt than she could get from him) maybe after working for a couple of months you know you should have saved up at least a little money.
Maybe if you and your baby momma have a contentious history you should take it easy when disciplining your child. (She didn't tell him that was his son until the baby was about 3 so he is really a new addition to his son's life) He had a legit reason for disciplining him but I just think he needed to take it a bit slow.
Maybe you should have spent the earlier part of the day calling people and figuring out your living situation earlier in the day instead of waiting until about 7pm to start especially over the holidays.
It seems so simple from the outside. It occured to me that this is what people must feel when they are dealing with us as addicts.
Why can't you stop using and finish that degree.
Why can't you stop using so you can hold onto a job for more than a few weeks.
How about you stop using so you can learn to plan ahead and think before you act?
How about you stop using so you can stop hanging out with your criminal friends and stop getting arrested?
I wanted to ask him what he thought he was thinking when he upped and left with nowhere to go. I wanted to ask him why he didn't pay his baby momma with a cheque for rent so he could prove he could stay there. I wanted to ask him how is it possible that you always seem to find trouble? My brother has never been stopped by the police, never had a ticket. Why is it that doing perfectly innocuous things like haning out at Wal-Mart generates a mortal fear of being arrested.
I will not be hanging out with him anymore. He is a nice guy, he really is but his life is chaotic and it made me think that maybe when people look at me, particulary times when my drinking is the worst, that is what they say. A person making the same blatantly obvious mistakes over and over and over and never learning.
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