Kelsey

I haven't felt real hurt in awhile. When I felt it today my heart just broke. I am grateful that I have friends and this place(as of yesterday) that God has just super blessed me with. But today when my heart broke apart I forgot all about these wonderful things and went shopping and came home with stuff I didn't need...I don't have the strength to get rid of it. My mom called me today to tell me they were putting my dog down. I knew it was coming but hadn't prepared myself. I don't know what to do with myself right now. I seem to have the rationality of like a 4 year old right now....

Dee74

Hi Kelsey

I'm really sorry about your dog. Losing a loved one is never easy.

Numbing ourselves out tho is wrong - it's just hurting ourselves, and it's putting off the grieving process that we all need to go through, eventually.

Dump the stuff.

D

dreamscape

i know it's tempting to numb but i can garantee you'll be better off not doping.

Your dog would have wanted the best for you, right? right

stick with your (ftf) friends.. and us here, and we'll help you thru it.

Joe

Kelsey

I feel super lost right now. I friend of mine who is most def a rockstar helped distract me today for about 4 hours while we walked around Central Market. Now I'm alone its 10:30 at night and feel awful.

Tiredofdrugs

Welcome Kel:

Sorry to hear about your four legged friend. It's never easy to lose a pet. I'm the one that started the Animal Planet thread. Go check out the stories and replies. They might make you feel a little better. Feel free to post your own story.

If I'm not mistaken. There is also a thread about dog lovers. See if you can find it.

Glad you have joined the group. We do a lot of talking around here 24/7. There are all sorts of people from all walks of life here on SR. You've joined a GREAT bunch of folks trying to live life w/o drugs and alcohol. There are times we just need to vent. Go to the Henhouse thread and let loose. It's a thread where you can talk about anything.

We have to be careful about what we say on the other threads. This site is to help people stay drug/alcohol free. So we have to use the right threads for things other than drug/alcohol help.

Tiredofdrugs (TOD)

Kelsey

Is this in the wrong place? sorry ya'll...

meditation

No this is fine. I felt the same way when the beloved hamster passed on. I actually felt worse after he died than when my dad died. I know that's crazy but my dad was never very emotional with me, he was always distant and he'd been sick forever so that when he did pass it was sort of a blessing for him that he wasn't suffering but that hamster was unexpected. I don't mean to sound like I did not love my dad, it was just we never had an emotional bond. It does hurt though and it did hurt when both passed but the animal thing really got me. You need a big hug ((((((((((((((((((((((Kelsey)))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))

Tiredofdrugs

Hey Kel:

Go to this link to post about your dog. Grief and Loss - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

It was okay where you originally posted. It takes a while for newcomers to figure out what's going on here. I've only been here since this past Jan. I still mess up and still have problems figuring things out.

Also at the top of the page is this link. The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
You can scroll down to find out more info on what's here on SR.

TOD

Kelsey

Thank you for that. First smile I've cracked since I got home. Super sorry to hear about the hamster. And you don't sound crazy. A lot of times emotional bonds make or break relationships and how we react to them. I have no doubt that you loved your dad, just maybe a different kind of love.

Tiredofdrugs

Well you just keep right on smiling! Time heals everything. Including the loss of a loved one. I raise Chinese Silkie Chickens. My Avatar is one of them. We call them little people in feathered suits. We interact with them daily and nightly. Most of them have their own bedroom. They each have their own crate. There are nine in the bedroom. Four in the dining room. When I lose one of them, from death, it's like losing a member of the family. I cry, bury them and grieve for them.

Each one has his/her own personality. My husband is more protective of a couple of them than I am. He treats those as if they were his children. He's going to be crushed when their day comes. Me too. Our pets are here for a little while to give us love and care. When one of mine die. I always say; "There is a child in heaven that needs a special pet to love on and God chose wisely to give them one".

May your pet rest in peace and be there with a wagging tail when you arrive.

TOD

meditation

I've smiled through my pain and it did help to let go and laugh a bit. Things will be brighter and feel better soon. This is hard but you will get thru it. I think when I was grieving I would be normal for a bit and then be really sad and the sad parts were coming in waves and eventually those waves get less and less. I had a hard time understand why I could feel happy or laugh or be normal and then in a couple of minutes just be boohooing everywhere. That's grief work and normal totally normal.

Kelsey

I don't understand grief yet at all. Since I stopped using a lot of what most would call grief was losing friends I had no business having and that was about it. This type of grief is new to me and I'm not too sure I like it. I don't cry or at least I didn't and today I couldn't help myself.

meditation

It's probably good to cry that way you don't bottle up all that tension. Grief goes thru stages and the stages don't all go in a straight line. The ultimate goal is acceptance. But we go thru denial and bargaining and anger and all sorts of feelings and one minute you're fine and the next you're not it sometimes feels like walking on air with no safety net. I used to write out all my feelings and thoughts in a journal to just get them out. And grief can last up to a year but it's not all this intensity that it is when it's very fresh. I can think fondly now on my grandmother and my hamster and I miss them sometimes I still cry but it's not knife wounding horrible anymore. It's good you're on here and talking about it.

Impurrfect

(((Kelsey))) - I'm so sorry about your dog. I still remember, living away from home, when my dog that I'd grown up with had to be put down. I HAD been through grief, before, as had lost several people, but I never realized just how much it was gonna hurt when we had to let him go.

My cat, Elvis, (the black one) has feline AIDS and leukemia. I fell apart, when I found out, thought he was going to die in days, but he's still here....snuggled on my lap. Our pets are very special to us, and yes, I've grieved over my pets losses, deeper than I did some family members that I wasn't especially close to.

((Med)) was right about the grief process. I knew about it, when my mom died, but didn't realize that I would flip-flop through them, so much, and that my dad and I would be in different stages...he would want to talk, I didn't kinda stuff.

Getting numb is definitely not the answer, and I'm glad you've come here. Anything in my life that I dealt with by getting numb (using), I've had to deal with it since getting clean, and felt worse because I felt guilty that I wasn't emotionally there when it happened, if that makes any sense.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kelsey

It makes alot of sense. Thank you all for the insight to new things. I can handle a few days of being down in the dumps but after that it is like my body is screaming get out of it already. I love to run, I run every night but last night it wasn't until about 12:30ish that I made it out to run. I almost had to force myself to get up and go, not normal for me, not at all.

Impurrfect

(((Kelsey))) - I've had days where I did NOT want to get out of the bed. I have a part time job, that requires going to different stores and doing merchandising stuff. I'll have it planned (it's flexible), then have to force myself out of the bed, but I always end up feeling so much better once I get out of my house and start working. I'm a people person, so I think that helps, but I still have to force myself, some days.

I can't run (too many back/hip problems) but we have a new treadmill in the house, and I've been trying to use that every day. Don't always do it, but once I force myself down to the basement to get on it, listen to music I like on my mp3, I'm glad I've done it.

You're dealing with the loss of a loved one. Things aren't "normal" and dammit, it hurts. Keep up with the running and posting here. I think you're doing remarkably well, myself

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kelsey

It hurts really bad today. We have 2 office dogs and I didnt want to come in today but I did. And yeh, it does hurt, really bad. No appetite, bad thoughts, lack of energy, not fun. Thank you for the encouragement.

Impurrfect

(((Kelsey))) - as crazy as it sounds, be grateful that you can FEEL. I know it hurts, I know how bad it hurts, but when we feel what we feel, don't use, and get through it, we get stronger.

I was a nurse when my mom died. I had a lot of anger, and would look at other patients who were recovering from heart surgery (her heart was bad) and wonder why? Why could THEY be "fixed" and not my mom. I wasn't using, at the time, and I'm glad. I'd hate to have had to deal with all that years later.

Anger, decreased appetite, sadness, pain...it's all normal, right now. I've got to head to work, but will check in on ya when I get home tonight. Keep reading and posting, here...it really does help.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

doggonecarl

I'd be concerned if you weren't devastated. My goodness, you should be sad. Embrace the loss for it shows you can hold the love of another creature in your heart.

Impurrfect

(((Kelsey)))

Hugs and prayers,

Amy