crzylilmndfreak

I go to AA and also NA, i will take anything around, any pill ...send it my way...oh, you dont know what it is?cool me niether, guess we'll find
whatever the hell is around,, so i suppose you could call me a "trash can junkey"
HEAD CHANGE?? IM THERE. BUT i am just so sick and tired of being sick, really...i know they all say it, blah blah blah. but seriosly i ant gettin any younger, i have responsibility's tme to turn to a new chapter allredy, geesh...*banging head*
ya know i was thinking about this, and i would put it like this, like say your going to the fair nd you are all excited and cant wait to get up there! An then you were told *Oh you can only ride the carrasel* But...but...i wanna be up there And you see all the peole having fun, and you say i wanna feel like THAT!!! but then you se comeing off the ride and a couople of them threw up and you think eeeewww sucks for him...but still you wanna get on that ride! so you tried it, and right after when you get off you throw up too. But RIDING it was just sooo much fun!* oh well it was just too much fun on that ride that im just gonna keep on going anyway.
and over and over and over, get my point? Its a never ending process and i am pissed off at..i dont know who..but im mad that why cant omebody damn it...cuz awhy cant i just have ONE beer/just one more line" and im good. I will allways wish i were able to do that, but, no such luck
so i keep on keep'in on trudgin that road of "happines"
so im ill herlllllll and husband are here, and we are all healthy...THAT...is what life should be all abour, rightz?
CRYS <3

Dee74

I nearly died being the World's Oldest Teenager.

I was scared of growing up, scared of getting straight, resentful of those who 'didn't have to'...

I didn't die...and I'm so glad I got a second chance at life, cos many simply don't.

I faced my fears, worked damn hard, and left the past behind - and I become the man I knew I could be.

It was the best thing I ever did.

I hope you find your way there Crys.
D

Impurrfect

((((Crys)))) - I abused alcohol...then I turned to opiates. Never had a problem coming off either. THEN I discovered crack...that took me to my knees.

I don't know your religious beliefs, but I do believe in God. Others find another HP. When I finally got to the point that I couldn't "do this anymore" I prayed to be willing to be willing to live without drugs. I didn't want to keep getting numb, but yet, I wasn't yet willing to give up the idea.

I had the better part of a year, dabbling, every now and then with the crack, before I relapsed. It was less than 2 weeks, but it caused a LOT of damage. As I laid with my XABF, who was more than willing for me to continue the crack, I realized that I just couldn't do it any more.

I left him, I came back home, and I prayed.....several times a day, "let me be willing to be willing to give this **** up". I don't know how long it took, but I was eventually able to give up one of the "willings".

I've got 3-1/2 years + in recovery. Has it been easy? Hell no. I still have to deal with the consequences I brought on myself. Has it been rewarding....oh HELL yeah. My familly trusts me. I have bad days, days when I'm in a funk. I come here and I reach out. I reach out to the f2f people who love me....many of them from SR.

I was an RN..I'm now working at McDonald's and going back to school. It isn't always easy, but it is SOOOOO worth it.

I wouldn't trade my best day "high" for my worst day "normal". I really wouldn't.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy