sleepie

I have been wanting to cut, because people don't acknowledge me or my feelings- it's as if I don't exist. I know the scars will upset me however, I have been wanting to so badly- it lets me know that I am here and that at a very base level I am like other people and I do count. That I have feelings worthy of recognition. I think it's a daydream though.

suki44883

Of course you count. Please don't cut yourself. My daughter went through that in her younger teen years. Now, she has scars all over her thighs and upper arms. She is so embarrassed by them. Things will get better for you and you'll be left with hundreds of scars. Please don't do that to yourself.

Dee74

I'm sorry you don't feel acknowledged right now, sleepie.

I think you have a good many friends here tho who care what you think and what happens to you and who want to listen to what you have to say.

I think Suki's right - to me cutting is just another short term self abuse thing, like drinking, that doesn't ever really solve anything.

I think you're better continuing to reach out, both here and to those who can help you in real life, and let your friends help you through this

D

sleepie

Just want someone in my life for real to be nice, and not lie. Never happens. I want to feel safe. I want to be able to trust. Cutting is a very self affirming act. I won't, however I do fantasize of it. I wish I were something resembling normal.

Zencat

Cutting is a symptom for being out of control. And being attached to the symptom...acting it out...has no end.

If you will...countering your symptom thinking is your only safe out.

I hope you can discount all your needs to act out. Stop the idea of cutting leads to relief. Act true to your healthier self, not allow the idea that will bring you to further pain and suffering...dispute what would have you go further to a downward plunge into darkness. Counter these thoughts...with your will...it is there. Entertain what will bring health...actively counter what a depressed mind would have...destitution and infinite sorrow. Be what you would believe...believe the best...for the worst believes its self.

sleepie

I know Zencat,but a human can only take on so much in solitude.

Isaiah

Hey Sleepie,

This is a few days old and hopefully that's been time enough for the feelings to pass. But I just wanted to say that I can sympathize. I'm actually dealing with a really bad urge right now, but doing my best to remind myself that it brings things down in the short run, but'll only make me worse off later on and for longer.

And I don't even know why I want to. I don't know if I want to spite someone who hurt me pretty bad recently or to punish myself somehow. But I know that's not going to be answered by SH, so I'm trying to stay calm until I can figure out something more effective.

Definitely not alone in this, but it's something that can be overcome. I'm glad I haven't done it since August of '09, and feel I can do enough to make it through the day.

:ghug3

sleepie

Thanks Isaiah. I have not given in to that. I have some conflict because it is a self affirming act in a very negating world.

Isaiah

Well, speaking from experience I can agree that it is a self-affirming act in a sense, but I would also say it is not *the* self-affirming act. I think there are better better options

NYCDoglvr

A good thing to remember is all desires, urges, compulsions pass.

Rancorous

I've dealt with that before, still do off and on. It doesn't help anything. Its just embarrassing when people ask about it. I still have scars that itch off and on too.