pinkcloud

Hi. I am addict for couple of years.. started snorting stuff, then started sticking it .. Lately, I fully withdrew and then after 6th day did ocs and dillys for a week or so.. Now i am on the end of 4th day of w/d and i don't feel too bad, feel like **** ya kno, chills (plus my family got a flu so that makes it a little worse) but i mean i can tolerate it i guess. I rememmber it being way worse.. I am soo sick and tired of relapses, i mean jesus i can w/d and handle it perfectly, i got that crap down, but what i suck at, is not doing anything after i get sober. I wudn't feel bad but just SOO tired and worn out, i am 22 years old and im so mentally unprepared for this.. Music and some beer is what keeps me going since i have to do my best to hide **** from my parents.. I did my best to get away from my enablers but its just so easy for me to get ****, mostly even free.. I am not going to go to meetings or go the sub route, and dont get me wrong, i do think it wud be best for me to do all that stuff but i am just too dam scared and stubborn.. I am not even sure why i am posting, but about a year ago when i quit, i was on this forum also under a different username, and everybody was so helpfull that it got me thru the worst of my w/ds ever. I guess my plan is, or my usual plan i guess, is this time im just gona stick to this ****, if i relapse i give my word i will tell you(i've learned from my mistake). So yeah day 4, cud sleep 3 days before today somewhat but i still feel like my happiness left me permanently.. Anyway, will be checking this post million times a day, since i aint got **** else to do..

With love,
=/

meditation

Well it's good you're back. It's good to be off that junk. Keep posting and tell us how you are. I found this place very helpful in getting support. It's been wonderful. A nice hot bath would ease the aches and chills. I know you will feel better it just takes a few days to get over this. Glad you posted.

pinkcloud

Well thank you for replying! i agree.. and its awsome to find someone who agrees with me on not underestimating the power of a hot bath, took 2 today already, parents are gone so i turned the heat to really high so i can go without one for a while.

pinkcloud

I just realized my user name is kind of bad, wish i cud change it now

meditation

You can, just pm Dee or one of the mods, they'll fix it for you.

disenchanted

I was never worried about kicking - it was always fear of the period AFTER acute withdrawal that kept me using. I am trying to learn how to relax, to accept the changes that have had to occur during this process.
So your parents don't know you're detoxing right now? Are you not able to talk to them about it?

pinkcloud

Well, its a little complicated, they did learn after a while, and i did detox, but because they made me.. I think since it wasnt my own choice, i went right back.. many times.. So i could probably talk to them, but they arent the type to understand the way i want them too. One of em thinks i am mostly a **** up, and will die soon cuz i used to do bad ****, like sell stuff and so forth.. it was bad you know ? i really regret it, but i sadly can't take it back.. so i would prefere not to =/

pinkcloud

You know i think it was mostly that i scared the livin crap out of em so they got aggressive out of fear, trying to get me to think straight, but then i failed and they found out, and they just dont get it.. uhh life is a bytch sometimes. They are idealists, its hard for a parent to accept i guess.. idk im pretty good at physchology but to put myself in their shoes can be a bit... idk

Angelic17

Your young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. You don't want to live your life as a junkie? It's not the kind of life that anyone should have. You will feel pretty crappy for a while after giving up heroin. But, It will get better in time. You will go back to normal and your happiness will return. The only thing you really have to do, is NOT GET HIGH. DON'T PICK UP< and DON'T USE. If you stay clean, every day will get better and better. You need time to let your brain heal. The brain will heal, if you stop feeding drugs to your body. The problem with addiction is that it's a brain disease, and your brain tells you to go and use. The pull to use, and the mental obsession, is very strong in early recovery. That's why most people relapse. FIGHT for your life. So many people die. Do you want to hurt yourself and your family? Take care of yourself. My brother died from shooting heroin along with so many others. You only get one life. Recovery is Possible, but it's up to you. Congrats on getting off the dope. I sure hope you can stay off.

Spiritual Seeker

My son died this summer from Heroin OD
My cousin's son died this summer from OXY OD

Tell your parents that you don't want to die and ask for help.
Then take the help like your life depends on it, cuz it does.

lajay13

why not go too meeting the people will understand what ur going through,just like we do here,ur life really depends on it,wish i wouldev stayed in the rooms when i was 18 but my hp still has a plan for me and im 35,u gotta fight too stay clean and no one is gonna tell ya its easy

Impurrfect

I used to shoot up all kinds of stuff. For whatever reason, when I quit, I had no withdrawals, didn't really care about it. Went to meetings, even though it took me a LONG time to get up the courage.

Apparently I didn't truly work the program, as I hooked up with someone in the rooms who introduced me to crack A few years later, some jail time, and almost dying a few times, I was done.

I still use what I learned in the rooms, but I no longer go to meetings. I rely, a LOT, on the support I've gotten from SR, and have some friends and family who are also supportive, once I started working my recovery.

Everyone can find their way into recovery and no one thing works for everyone, but the main thing, IMO, is you have to want it more than anything else. If what I'm doing were to stop working and I started entertaining the thought of getting high again, I know where the AA meetings are, near me, and I will get there. Stopping the dope isn't enough. It's learning to deal with life and not get numb that's the hard part, but it's entirely possible. I'm living proof...going on 4 years clean.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Onewithwings

Kicking was always easy for me. The worst it ever got was after a few weeks of binging on morphine and codeine. Felt like my legs were falling off. I swore up and down I had Leporacy, lol! (I had not idea about w/d's because I was naive and knew nothing about drugs other than that a doctor gave them to me (after a surgery) so they must be okay to take whenever, wherever, however much...) Even that passed in just a few days, I have never had long detox periods. I have 'gotten clean' over a dozen times since first setting foot in the rooms of NA (March 17, 2010) and now have a clean date of 9/25/2010. I keep fighting. I keep coming back. No matter how bad w/d's are, continuing to use will get 1000 times worse.

pinkcloud

Im sorry for all the people here that have lost loved ones, that was kind of shocking to hear coming from so many people. You know, you kind of made me realize, that what i think being addicted is, may be ****, but i mean that alot of people had it soo much worse then me, and for longer periods of time, that just maybe i can still spin out of this cycle. I sure hope that i can, Its just i have a feeling that i picked drugs for reasons that i have had my whole life.. idk how to explain, im very outgoing and sociable, everybody likes me, but i always was insecure and anxcious.. I think i get high because of some reason, something in my head is fuked up and idk if i should just quit and wait for a long time to get sober and someone happy, or go to doctor and get some antidepressant, or benzo, that i didnt believe in before. The very first time i quit, i got this "pink cloud" thing many people talk about, and i felt truly GREAT, but it was a roller coaster. Then about 6 mouths later i quit, and it isnt as bad as it was first the, and i was on like day 10, and i didnt get it =[. The first time i woke up after 3 hours of sleep on 4th day of w/d and i accually felt happy that i felt good and i could do stuff, enjoy food and such without drugs what so ever. Of course that was before shooting up started so i might have ****** it up a little. Thanks for replys, i really enjoy reading them. A person somewhere far away from me accually spent time writing stuff for me, cool stuff. so yeah end of day 4, feeling better than i did waking up this morning, still feeling apathy towards everything, havent ate today =[ but i just can't do it... ahhhhhhhhhh god, sorry i don't really believe in you, but if ur there, please help me.

pinkcloud

funny thing is, lets say i've been doing this for 2-3 years now, and since when it got bad, there wasn't even a time that i've been sober for longer than 10 days. I wud w/d then start again for a few months.. im soooooooooooo tired of this =[

pinkcloud

and im sorry but i just can't help but laugh reading ur impurrrrrrfect name with pictures of cats..

doggonecarl

I think it is because there is a tiny part of your brain, unaddled by the dope you have been pumping into yourself, that realizes there are only a couple more exits on the highway you're riding down. You miss those and God only knows what nightmares your future holds for you.

This is a key point. You have to do something or you will use again. And by doing something, I don't necessarily mean doing something constructive, like get a hobby (though that wouldn't hurt). Is sucks when you first quit. By doing something, what I mean is you have to bear down through the uncomfortable part of getting straight, deal with the emotional weight of being free of drugs, and ignore the addictive voice inside that is telling you that dope will make you feel better. Get through this rough patch, then work on your recovery. That's what you do after you get sober.

You don't want to go to NA? You are stronger and more stubborn than dope? I don't think so. I think dope has you in a submission hold and this post is your way of tapping out. Take advantage of the chance you've been granted.

tsmba

Welcome! Your own words say it all....*your* way, and *your* best efforts aren't working. You must decide that you'll do anything (even though it will be uncomfortable and you will likely disagree with much of it) to change. Until you do that, nothing will work.

Ananda

honey...my expereicne is that meetings of and by themselves may not be the answer. I have to do what WORKS for me....

But I go to AA meetings because that is what is available in our area...I would do smart, NA ...anything....

I haven't found perfect or right answers in the rooms, but it gives me a chance to maybe find an answer.

It's important to connect to others through SR or a meeting of some sort..or even through a therapist and friends....but there is a part that we have to fibure out for ourselves...a part that is internal to the process of recovery.

I wish you the best and hope you keep posting here cause it is puting yourself in a position to get some answers that might work for you (hug)

karma35

hi pink... i too have been you.... ok its not workin... but what do you want really? i played with recovery for a very long time - i guess if u want you could look up my old posts and see for yourself - all excuses..
i dont have a gentler way to say whats your life worth - a bit of truthtelin and suckin it up a bit could ensure you never become me... i started same time in my life - i'm 37 and clean now but it was yrs before the loss of friends and my own losses got thru to me -
you've come here twice... i came here alot too -
please please go get some help even an op programme - any thing is worth tryin to get yourself back... keep us posted heh
hope you get sick and tired of being sick and tired and get outta this
good luck and take care
karma