steveoski

So I had seven days and went back our now for three days I want to get sober again but it seems as if my whole mentality changed, I want the whole sobriety thing bit now it seems as if the other part of my mind has taken over. Any advice???? I go to bed wanting to be sober and wake up and get the thought and I'm off and running.

tsmba

You need help or you will continue to go round and round. I got to the point where I could not stop without intervention. Go to AA and do everything you are told, and if that doesn't do it, speak to a professional.

dratsab

I agree with tsmba... reach out to the sober community for help. Find some meetings and make sober friends.

I had many nights going to bed wishing with all my heart that I could be sober only to wake up ready to use again. I tried getting sober on my own and it was a lonely and torturous process. I'm doing much better now that I've been going to meetings and have been able to talk to other people who are going through or have gone through the same things I am going through now. It's made a world of a difference to me.

About relapsing... it's not the end of the world. Sometimes its a part of the recovery process. Try not to let your relapse stop you from getting sober. It can be easy to use a relapse as an excuse to continue using... but it doesn't have to be. Learn from it and get back to your recovery.

Good luck!

Peter

Go back to AA/NA. You talk about relapsing but you really have not even started to recover yet. Get a sponsor , work some Steps. AA is there to help you through those times when you cant stop thinking about using.

meditation

I understand that, I tried to quit several times. I quit at home because I was about to walk into a rehab. I hate withdrawing from drugs out of the comfort of my own home. I wanted to be done with it before I had someone else's schedule of events, bed, shower, etc etc to deal with while dealing with being a mess. Some people though had to be in a facility that took that choice of using out of the equation. If I hadn't been forced to rehab I don't know if I could have stopped it all either. Once you get the cycle stopped and are somewhere for a few months where the option to use is not present it does get easier. that's why these places do work for some folks, it stops the cycle.
Then after rehab I had to remain willing to see sobriety and work a program. It's not hard or easy. I know that's a contradiction. But it really did not seem that hard to not take drugs after 3 months of being in rehab, but there were times I felt emotionally triggered to really want to use so yeah it was hard. The hard times were fewer and less than I thought. So yeah I stand by it was the easiest and the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Some folks do quit without having options removed. I needed to know the options were gone. If you want to stop this cycle, please find a way, detox, treatment center or lock yourself up in a cabin in a remote area for a while. I think I read Johhny Cash locked himself in a house for a month. It's just physical removal of self from drugs. Then find a network here, or NA or some recovery program that can help you when the triggers hit and when you're feeling down. These people here have helped me so very very much. I talk to them more than I do with my family I live with. Sending you a hug.

steveoski

Thank you everybody for your thoughts they have definitely helped. I am planning on going to an NA meeting tonight at like 730. One of the reasons i haven't went is because I like to smoke pot and am not really ready to give that up quite yet, i have been doing it since 15 with no real problems so to speak. i just want my life to go back to the way it was before i ever popped a vicodin/percocet if that's possible. Go to work hang out with my buddies wife etc have a few beers on the weekends. have some money in the bank.

I have been using about 2 1/2 yrs but never daily but more than a few times a week. I used suboxone to get off once because someone said i would need to used 2mgs a day for like 2 months and than expeirenced the most horrible withdrawls i have ever experienced rls everything. i do not want suboxone, I have never felt that bad even from coming off of oxycontin! no thank you.

The hardest part for me of staying sober from pills is the mental obsession. its a crazy battle up there and i just need advice stories on how you guys got through it. the lack of energy is another thing im scared i guess of months of lethargy and depression. i try to do some mild exercise to stimulate my endorphoins but i dont know if thats enough. the depression is the absolute worst for me. anyone tried st johns wort?

I got about 31 hours with nothing and besides feeling tired with no energy im doing alright. if i dont smoke pot i do seem to get really anxious so i do smoke a little and i might drink nyquil or a few beers tonight to help me sleep, i have read alot about the insomnia people get and i want to try and avoid that.

dratsab

I've tried and failed to get sober while still using other drugs that I thought I had control over. In the past, I've been able to quit one drug by replacing it with another. This sort of went on for quite a few years. I was even able to limit myself to just drinking "socially" for a year or two... But that wasn't really working.

I eventually started binge drinking... And when it began to get too hard to cover the smell of alcohol, I started drinking cough syrup (something I hadn't done since my early twenties).

I sort of feel like once you've experienced ABUSING a drug... That something gets changed with the way your brain relates to the idea of being intoxicated. It doesn't matter what your drug of choice is anymore... And it just leaves us addicts way more vulnerable to going back to abusing if we continue to use any drugs.

karma35

ok all i know - stockin up on stuff from pharmacies doesnt help in the long run hun - just adjusting your addictions - i know where you are.. ex heroin addict me..i used other things to detox time an again but never left abusing myself alone... its c**p yeah its harsh... but gettin sick an tired of sick an tired was it....for me - all i can say is if u want it u'll fight like h**l - keep doin whatever works even if u r goin 5 mins by 5 mins at a time - then look at yerself a week on and u'll measure the diff easily.. - then get the help meditation suggested - it will feel more rational when heard by clean ears.. - i wish u much love and rude health xxx
Karma

Gmoney

Sounds like a reservation to me. But what do I know? Maybe you're not an addict....

My experience has been to believe and say the same things because I was resistant to the whole "disease" thing. I never wanted to accept that I was an addict or that I couldn't get high like "normal" people do. As long as I believed I could control my using, I was destined to give it another shot. It is so true that real surrender doesn't come easy. In fact, for addicts, it takes us to become thoroughly beaten for us to yell "UNCLE!!!" and become willing to ask for and accept help.

Often, addicts are able to stop for brief periods (on sheer willpower)....and think they're okay. Our perceptions are warped because we focus on the stopping instead of the using. Only you know whether you're an addict or not (from your experiences), and until the illusion of control is shattered you'll continue to do what you've always done.

johndelko408

My advice would be to get into some sort of recovery program. It's tough trying to sober up on your own. With help its so much easier. AA, NA, SMART recovery program. Thereafter many of them out there, you just have to find one that best suits you. Get back up on that horse and keep riding. I wish you the best, you can do it.

steveoski

Well i am not saying that i am not an addict by anymeans. I am saying that pre opiate use i smoked pot at night and drank on the occassional weekend it NEVER made me broke, get arrested caused problems with family, work etc. I do want to quit smoking pot and so does my fiance but one thing at a time right now.

I am just over 3 days clean from the oxy and this is the hard part for me. it is now when the cravings start to kick my ass. I want to be clean from opiates this holiday season. I dont have to smoke pot to do the dishes, go outside, take a shower, play with my kid etc but with opiates it was like wake up stare at the clock than hit the dope lady up and than i could start my day. that is the most worthless life. I just want my old self back pre opiates. anyone got any tips on beating these craving this time around? I went to an NA meeting yesterday and it was really nice because there was at least 8 ppl with over a yr clean!

karma35

i'm so pleased.. your doing great.. I'd go online and fantasize bout things to do when clean.. I wanted out so much i took up knitting and back to art work and making stuff and i'm paving the way for a motorbike when i can afford it.. The time is gonna feel slow cos when you're wasted you aren't aware of time passing..
Is there anyway you can get face to face help where you are?
i hope this is the break to end the cycle and that you get through.. Xxx karma

TheRabbit

I can only speak from my experience , but I think others are touching on it as well. I am / was like you in a lot of ways regarding alcohol and pot usage. I did both recreation-ally for years without problem. Now I did eventually develop into a severe alcoholic much later , but I digress. I found that once exposed to opiates , and after having developed a major addiction , when I indulged in the former substances I found the urges to use opiates nearly impossible to combat. It makes total sense if you think about it because alcohol and pot both lower one's inhibitions and decision making abilities. I found that for me , the only way to abstain from one , was to abstain from them all. I have to refrain from any mind or mood altering substances to remain clean.

So just food for thought as you make this journey. You might find that there is no going back to 'pre opiate use'.

larrylive

My 2cents.....

I'm feeling ya, my drug of choice is marijauna, been smoking it since I was in jr.high. Life was going my my way-Family, self employed, money in the bank etc etc. Then at 35 I discovered my drug-of-chaos; crack. For the last 10yrs I have been struggling to beat this addiction, without wanting to give up weed. I don't believe it ever led me back while I was pursueing recovery. and I was ready, willing and able to agrue this piont with everybody. But as you may have found out the "drugs-of-chaos" tend to take all our money and smoking weed becomes secondary. I kept pursueing recovery from crack and as my clean time grew I came to the realization that being off crack was more important than smoking pot. Not that there's a connection, but hey, why take the chance. In a couple days I'll have 7 months clean and money in my pocket, just sayin...

Larry

Gmoney

Sometimes....I look back at all that I've been through and the different ways I used to view things and ask myself, "What the hell was I thinking??" LOL!! I recall wanting to return to a lifestyle where I could get high without any consequences and have fun. I mean, there was a time in my life when I could smoke weed and drink a few beers, hold a good job, have money and all the symbols of being successful. And when coke brought me to my knees, in my early attempts at recovery, I still held onto the idea/hope that one day I'd be able to "get my groove on" and relax with a little recreational drug use. You know....like normal folks?

Unfortunately, no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't go back to the way it was when using was "fun." Sometimes it took a good while to fall...other times it was immediate, but the end result was always the fall. After I left the last rehab (#7), I decided to give NA a serious try. It was in those meetings that I heard other addicts share the same experience I had - none of us could use drugs successfully. I kept staying clean and once I started doing stepwork (and getting honest with myself), I realized that throughout my entire using history there's always been consequences to my using...I had merely justified or rationalized them away. It was always someone else's fault....it couldn't be the drugs!!! All those missed oppotunities, unkept promises, failed relationships, etc, etc...were all due to decisions made while having an altered mind. And some of the biggest honest admissions I made was that I got high because I didn't like who I was...I lacked self-acceptance, I suffered from low self-esteem and I was full of fear. I never got high to have fun...I got high to fit in or to cope because I could'nt fit in or cope without the crutch. But that's my story....

Thankfully, today I don't need a crutch and I don't yearn to go back to the days of smoking weed and drinking a brew. I learned not to want my old life back....I learned to want a better life.

lajay13

go to meetings and ask for help,just going might keep u sober but too stay sober u have too want it and throw ur pride aside and get numbers and use them and remember we understand each other thats why this thing can work,one addict helping another,surrond urself with positive people and u can do it,and most important for me was PRAYER,,,IF GOING 2 THREE MEETINGS A DAY WILL KEEP U SOBER DO IT,i had too some days and still do,hang in there ,later

karma35

i only am early in my recovery but just wanted to say dont give up on yourself...its possible.. the people here are proof - whatever works works for you - don't stop trying
much best wishes
Karma

Angelic17

Steveoski, So many people have been where you are. Your not alone. It's the brain disease of addiction. Your brain will send you out to get drugs and use, even if you don't want to. Even if you will lose everything good in your life, your brain will trick you, and convince you to go and get the drugs. That's why so many people relapse. The brain is what sends them out running. Ignore your brains message, don't pick up, and Don't Use. Understanding that it's a brain disease is helpful to some. It helped me. I wish you the sobriety that I now have. It was 10 years of addiction, now followed by almost 6years in recovery. I'm proof it can be done. I wish you many blessings, the strength to stay clean, and a speedy and healthy recovery.

Angelic17

The only problem with locking yourself up in a cabin by yourself is that your blood pressure could sky rocket. You could have a seizure, or possibly some other sort of reaction that could harm you. It's best to detox under a doctors care at home, or in a facility with safe medical attention. Sorry Meditation. We all have differences of opinion. After the initial detox, addiction has a mental obsession that needs to be dealt with. Getting clean is actually easier than staying clean for some. Getting clean was harder for me, than staying clean. I never wanted to go through those feelings again.

glitter

Not intended as medical advice, but....

Severe withdrawal not medically managed from alcohol and benzos can result in life-threatening hypertension and potential seizures.

One may feel like they're dying from opiate withdrawal, but the withdrawal itself cannot kill you like etoh/benzo withdrawal can....unless, sadly, it drives you to killing yourself.