gneiss

For about a year after I quit drinking and doing dope I was horribly depressed; I cried all the time, I was irritable and cranky and felt out of control. And I was lethargic.

In June one day I woke up and it was gone. No longer. For several weeks now I have been cranky and irritable and crying at the drop of a hat. It's not making me want to use but it sucks, and I'm afraid that it could make it easier to justify using again. It's worse at night, probably when I'm tired as I've never handled being tired well.

I never made it to the doctor but instead of the quacks at the on-campus health center (known as ****** Village, locally) I'll actually be insured in a couple weeks and maybe go to a doctor this time.

Deep breath. It'll all work out, it'll all be ok.

Bamboozle

Doctor would be good. Hang on.

viavai

I'm sorry that you're feeling depressed. Have you thought about taking any proactive steps while you wait to see a doctor? I just started "The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression" by William J. Knaus. I find it helpful in terms of changing my thinking to change my behaviors.

I don't have any advice, per se, but to say "just keep it in the day." Don't use or pick up just for today. And try to do something nice for yourself today--even if that's something as simple as buying an ice cream cone for yourself. Find comfort in the little things, and maybe write a gratitude list. Surely there are things in your life that you have to be thankful for--mainly your continued sobriety and the fact that you have the courage to post here and reach out for help.

Best to you. Remember, this, too, shall pass.

P.S. Love "****** Village." We had one of those at my undergrad school, too! Totally NOT helpful staff there!

Live

gneiss,
I seem to remember that your sister is bipolar?
If that is the case, your depression probably or is highly likely to have genetic roots, I do suggest medical care.

gneiss

Thanks all.

Live, you are right, she is bipolar. That was the result of a head injury though, it's not genetic.

Today I feel great. Yesterday I felt great, but I had something to do. It's those days when I am off work and not doing much that I have the most trouble. At least for the next couple weeks I will be packing up my apartment and have a lot to do so I'll be busy until I start the new job. And then I'll be busy there trying to learn the ropes for a little while. So I'm not worried about the idle time for a little while. I got a suggestion via private message to try some Vitamin D as well, so I'll try that and see how it goes.

Thanks again.

luckedog

Look on the bright side. I was depressed a little too, till I watched the C'boys stomp Texsas Teck. I'm feeeling alot better now! Wish you the best,lucke..........

gneiss

Good point, Luckedog. A good whooping of any Texas team always brightens my day. Go Pokes, #10!!!

gneiss

*Ding* And suddenly I realized...

It all started about the time I found out my ex is getting married. And I don't want him back, my sobriety-- and therefore my life-- depends on it, and I have no interest in him. But it still kinda knocked me for a loop. I fell for him hard, and there's still a little part of me that wonders why I wasn't good enough and thinks if I could figure that out maybe I could move on with my new and better life. (Yeah. Let's not discuss how silly that statement is. I didn't say it made sense, that's just the way it is).

But even realizing that makes it better. I got over him once (more or less), I can certainly get over him getting married. It's temporary.

LaFemme

It helps to know the reason why we are feeling a certain way...that's why we are all here so I'm glad you seem to have found the trigger to your depression....rotten ex...do you want us to go mess up his wedding? When they get to the part about anyone having an objection I can burst in screaming he knocked me up or something;-)

gneiss

LOL No, I know his fiancee and I think they deserve each other.

luckedog

LaFemme, It scares me sometimes how much we think alike! I was thinking I could bust in and grab her by the feet and LOUDLY question how she could possibly break up our longstanding kinky relationship. What could I do with the Goat now? (LOL)

shockozulu

Glad you have pinpointed the probable cause of your depression. I had a bad bout of it last week. Ran out of my Anti-D between doctors. I'm feeling better already and only been back on it four days.

gneiss

Another little epiphany (that makes two about this!!).

All the anxiety and panic attacks and stuff I was having about 6 months ago... thought I was over that. Maybe not. I've felt kind of similar to that for a while, and I've felt sort of on the edge of a panic attack basically since I was offered this new job.

Telling myself it's going to be ok and that it's all in my head is working alright for now. I can't wait until my health insurance kicks on though! lol

Just a thought.