boskerbear

Not sure if this is the proper place to post or not, but i'm going crazy. I absolutely hate myself, inside and out. the doctor gave me a prescription for 10mg pills of paxil but after reading online that i'll gain weight I decided not to take them. I don't need to gain anymore weight. I'm already like 60 pounds overweight and only 28 years old. Unfortunately I also live at home due to leaving my alcoholic boyfriend. I feel like a big fat loser. I know i could fix being overweight by exercising and such, and im gonna try (bought a treadmill today) but i ALWAYS give up on everything in my life. I dont cry about this stuff anymore, but i do avoid going places, and my friends are all upset at me for never going out. I was supposed to go out with a bunch of friends tonight but i made up excuses not to go. How on earth am i ever gonna change? I think i'm gonna end up alone and sad because of my self esteem. It's hindering me big time!

glitterfairy

Start using that treadmill. It's amazing what that will do for your self esteem. If you plan on running set small reachable goals. I use running that way.
As you get stronger, you will walk taller, clothes will start to fit better and you may want to go out with your friends. Running is also very therapeutic. I found it's the only thing that gets me feeling great, a fix so to speak, but a healthy one.
I don't understand why Doctors scribe weight gaining drugs for depression. Hello....I used Lexapro for awhile and had no weight gain at all. Talk with your doctor about trying a different RX.
Hope you post often.

tripolii31

My sponsor always said in order to get self-esteem one must do esteemable things.
Do at least 1 kind thing for someone every day without telling anyone
Do Service work
Chair a meeting
Make coffe
Be district rep


Just some suggetions

Isaiah

Like they said, there really is no way to build self-esteem but to act and interact. No. Other. Way.

Exercise is phenomenal. It takes a little while for the effects to really be felt, but even exercise can be way, way better than pills (not that pills don't help too.)

Just getting out there with people is good. And Tripoli hit the nail on the head, if you do something charitable and contributing it's even better. I work for a non-profit doing very boring accounting work, those days are not fun at all, but when people ask me what I do and I get to tell them I help homeless people find housing I feel incredible.

And you can smart small. Any hobby, however small, drawing something, making something, writing something, etc. Builds your self-esteem slowly.

And here's something I constantly heard from my therapist which is finally sinking in, I'd tell her I don't do anything because "it's boring/don't want to/too hard." Then she's throw it back at me, "those things help, so do you *want* to do nothing and be miserable?"

I never had a good answer for her. It's true. Even if I don't feel like doing something, it's also true that I don't like how I feel when I do nothing.

yor5150

I used to dismiss "positive thinking" as something for those that had it easy (as I saw it) to do. As I've gotten older though I tend to believe that "we are what we tell ourselves"... That's not to say that I can use positive thinking to make me taller and/or better looking but I can use it to change the way I feel. It seems to me that life is difficult enough without making it harder on myself by beating myself up and allowing negative thoughts run amok.

This body, my intelligence or lack of, etc is what I have to work with during this lifetime. When I got sick and tired of being unhappy, through desperation I tried thinking about how fortunate I was to have never gone hungry or without shelter, to have survived my youth (almost died in a major automobile accident), to be employed and so on... life began to get more bearable... then it became enjoyable.

I believe negative energy attracts negative energy... I do my best not to give in to negative thinking.

From your picture I'd say you are very attractive. Please try telling yourself as you look into the mirror each morning and while you're at it tell yourself you love you...

It may sound like cliche but work on the inside and the outside will take care of itself...

Just sharing some experience and opinion.... & sending some positive energy your way.

I wish you all the best. - R

Summerpeach

You're Canadian, that alone shows you're superior :-) I'm from Montreal

Yeah, what the others said, exercise if the BEST natural antidepressant around along with cognitive thoughts, and thinking positive.

Building self esteem is not easy, but the slow progression builds and once you build is slowly, it can't ever be taken away from you.
And if that's you in the avi pic.........ummmmm, well you're one hot lady!

Isaiah

That's true too. Positive thinking, especially with weight.

Girl I'm with now, and I've dated a lot, is certainly the biggest girl I've ever been with. I do believe she's a little over-weight, but I'd never *dare* ask her how much she weighs.

Yet, she also has the fewest body issues of anyone I've dated. She diets, but she also knows she's beautiful (and I certainly concur!) My then previous relationship with a woman, was with a girl who was plain skinny. And she fretted over every pound. In fact, just this morning she was on Twitter stressing over some pastry she saw in a coffee shop and wanted.

What I've observed with women and some guys: being a certain size does does not affect how good you'll feel about yourself. It comes from something else.

(And I'm not going to talk about my weight issues now and be a hypocrite )

Bamboozle

Please talk to you doctor about your concerns about your weight gain on the meds. Have you told your doctor you are not taking the meds?

Isaiah

Oh, and another trick that might help you get on that treadmill. My preferred exercise is taking a run in a natural area, but during the winter I'd use exercise machines at the gym. I was always bored using them. But then I started getting books on CD from the library and listening to them while I worked out. I know other people who set up tvs by their machines.

yor5150

I bought a commercial model off of Craigslist. It was too big to get into the house. I have to take it a part far enough to get it inside, especially since it's in the garage and I need to get it out of there so I can park my car inside once more.

I was under 190 for a while. People at work were asking me if I'd lost weight. Now I'm back to 220. I want to get it back under 200. I was seeing a therapist who wanted me to agree to walking 30 minutes a day. I gave it a try but didn't keep it up. I hope I can turn it into a habit if I have a TV or laptop in front of the treadmill. We'll see.

Peace

boskerbear

Thanks for listening everybody. I set up the treadmill and am gonna start using it today.

I was doing ok today until the XABF kept texting me. I can tell he's drinking because his messages are mean when hes had a few. I asked where he got the money from and he said he has the tools to get what he wants, then told me there are two girls who want him. Ew! But it got me thinking....how is it he can find someone so easily even tho he's drunk but I can't find anyone. Thats super depressing.

I don't even know if i want a relationship yet but its tough seeing happy people all around me. I'm such a jealous person. When im sitting alone at home i do ok, but as soon as i go out i feel horrible. I compare myself to everyone. Even on Halloween night (one of my most fav days) I thought i looked ok but as soon as we went to the club i saw that everyone was better looking and a whole lot thinner than me.

Another thing that drives me crazy is most of my girl friends are tiny and absolutely gorgeous and have men drooling all over them. I just kinda wonder if they only keep me around because compared to me i make them look even better.

I'm gonna look into maybe getting another job besides the one i have. Maybe working more will take my mind off things. And i see to be happy if i have money to burn

Isaiah

Thought about cutting out this EXAB even more? Letting the texts go unanswered?

I've also had problems for ages being single ESPECIALLY when my friends are fawning about how wonderful their boyfriends/girlfriends are. I know what you mean when it makes you feel a little less. But if you think about it there's really nothing to that. You don't go through any personal changes when you go in or out of a relationship. Still the same person.

"I just kinda wonder if they only keep me around because compared to me i make them look even better."

That's just a myth, I think. I don't doubt they like you very much, and I'm sure if I were to poll them they'd say great things about your looks.

least

Along with regular exercise (and getting a good walk in the fresh air and sunshine is great) I agree about doing something kind for someone every day without telling them. I find that the nicer a person I am, the better I feel about myself. Even a little thing like letting someone in traffic that's waiting to turn makes me feel good. Letting go completely of XABF might help a lot too. You don't need or deserve his negativity.

And there are antidepressants that don't necessarily 'cause' weight gain. Ask your doctor about it.

And do something good for yourself every day. Surround yourself with positives and things may start looking brighter.

Sasha4

Prozac actually makes you loose weight.

But how about setting yourself some small goals to try and achieve everyday. If you hit them then you will feel proud of yourself and that has got to help your self esteem.

Write a list of what you are going to do everyday and tick it when you have done it.

You could have as a goal or rules you have to abide by

1. Everyday I will do 100 stomach crunches
2. Everyday I will eat five portions of fruit or veg
3. Everyday I will walk fast for 30 mins.
4. Everyday I will scrub one floor to help tone up my arms.
5. I will not eat after 8.00pm on a night time
6. I will only drink skimmed milk for the next month


That's what I did and I lost 28 pounds in 16 weeks.

And with every four pounds you lose, reward yourself.

I used to treat myself to some new body lotion, slimming underwear, new nail polish or a facial with every four pounds I lost.


I think your beautiful though (from your profile picture) and we all know that it's the type of person you are rather than what you look like that counts.

Go get em honey!

xx

boskerbear

I like the idea of having a few goals like that....so far i have

1. drink lots of water (cant put a number on how many glasses, but lots sounds good, lol...cause i barely drink any now

2. start out on the treadmill for atleast 30 mins a day (so far i'm 2 days in and i feel fairly good even after doing that amount of exercise) I feel like im sweating the fat out, lol

3. take my multivitamin daily. I am soooo bad at taking pills so i got a chewable one.

4. Make contact more with my friends....I'm bad for just shutting the world out when im done work, but friends make life better. Already have plans to go to my pal Kaely's house tuesday for supper. I told her there would be no more excuses!

Lets see how long this lasts lol

Babyblue

Not sure how old you are but I had low self esteem until I was in my mid thirties. It is a confidence thing. I compared myself to others, pushed away relationships with great guys because 'how could they love me or find me attractive?'. But then a friend of mine who is a rather large gal always had men trying to get to know her.. really cute guys and so I watched her when we went out and really she was just a very approachable, easy to talk to person who men really gravitated towards. Men are just as insecure as women are! Remember that.

I had a guy tell me that I actually come across as a gal that would reject them. That I gave of an air of intimidation to guys. HA! It blew me away because inside I am hugely insecure. It is a mental thing is my point, not a physical thing. Trust me Oh and talk to your guy friends about what guys REALLY are attracted to. You don't want a guy that is just attracted to the superficial stuff anyway. Those relationships fizzle and the guys turn out to be real snoozers. Work it girl!

Sasha4

Good for you!
And if you find yourself slipping add some new goals to make this a bit more challenging.

Might

1. 30 min treadmill workout. Alternate four mins running, two mins walking.

2. Weight myself every monday morning to keep on track.

3. Always try to be in bed my 10.30pm to get enough rest.

4. Try cooking one new vegetable or fruit every week I have not tried before.

5. Look in the mirror every morning and say 'Sasha4 thinks I am beautiful and I need to get em"!!!

6. Confide in a friend how you feel, whenever you feel down or isolated.



xxxx

boskerbear

Thanks so much Sasha, that was very sweet I've been kinda down this weekend but thats cause i broke the whole no contact thing with the XABF, but i got to go out with mom yesterday to a ladies only thing. There was tea and entertainment and we got to dress up. It's amazing how much better i feel when im in a dress and have my makeup all done up nicely. However i usually have nowhere to go besides work so i rarely do this.

I'm down about 3 pounds which is a good start i suppose. I ate really horrible this weekend but i wasnt feeling so good.

A friend had told me to try online dating, so i put on a profile and messaged a few people. no responses. They read my messages but then deleted them without messaging me back. I can't help but be saddened by that. That's kinda a hit on the self esteem It makes me feel incredibly ugly.

johndelko408

You look good in your avatar...not bad looking at all. I'm one of the types with low self esteem/poor confidence and my AA sponsor recommended I try Codependents anonymous. You can find out a lot about yourself in those meetings. I was taught to esteem myself everyday by doing something as simple as looking into the mirror and telling myself nice things. It sounds petty but it seems to work.And yes physical health has been proven to improve mental health also. I'm actually the opposite, I can't gain wait very easy because of an over active metabolism. I'm 5'11" but way 135lbs. soaking wet, I've got to run around in the shower just to get wet...lol. I hate being skinny like a twig. I was going to the gym regularly and taking protein to bulk up. Unfortunately for me it all went to my gut for some reason and it made people think I started drinking again. I stopped going to the gym and now I've noticed I lost some muscle. I know this probably sound ridiculous to you but its always made me self conscious about it. Like making excuses to not to go places like the beach with my buddies.

uprwestsdr

Hi ......

Close your eyes and take a long SLOW deep breath. Keep doing that for a few minutes to get yourself centered on today.

Take out a piece of paper and write a list of things that are good about you. Even Hitler loved his dog, lol.

On another piece of paper quickly write a number of things you are grateful for .... You can start with your life, your health.....

Call someone you can talk to.

Remember, you only have to get through TODAY. Life suc-s one day at a time too