MaxiJazz

One step forward...ten backwards. I'm stuck in the muck. What do I need? Just a safe place, some emotional boundaries would be great!

I need a bandaid for my knees, I tore the scabs off, healing gets a bit tough sometimes. I need to get off of my own back!!!! I implode a lot, still have anger issues surfacing/triggering/leaking all over the place. I still get caught in people-pleasing, passive aggressive, tangled up emotional stuff, jeez-a-loo!

I need a bigger, different, better, saner, cleaner, clearer, support system. The one I have is no longer working. It is time for me, to move on, try something new, and this is where I am today....and though I just don't know...something in me knows to come here, today.

thanks for being here.

DesertEyes

Hello MaxiJazz

Sorry to hear you've got so many feelings going on. You said you need another support system, what are you doing to get that? I've never been to San Antonio, but I assume there's plenty of meetings, have you been trying any?

Mike

MaxiJazz

Yes, I attempted to go to an Al-Anon meeting. Did the 6 times, and the particular group and I didn't click. In reality it had a lot to do with timing, my dad had just passed away and my son was on his 2nd time in prison, shortly before dad's passing, and my dog passed away 3 months later....yep timing had a lot to do with it. I was a mess. So....decided maybe to try an on-line approach that I could handle. Doing a lot of soul searching these days, a bit more contained emotionally than I was when this all began.
Still trying to deal better, and get better and feel better. Lots of issues....yes.

San Antonio is a big place! Yes indeed, the areas that are listed Al-Anon groups are not so abundant, that's why I came here.

So this was/is my creative solution, choice for the moment.
thanks MJ

tromboneliness

When they say "try 6 meetings," the best thing to do is to try more than one group, because some groups will be a better fit for you than others -- it sounds as though the group you tried wasn't the best for you. A real-live meeting is better than just getting on-line support from a forum (although this place is a big help all the same).

"my dad had just passed away and my son was on his 2nd time in prison, shortly before dad's passing, and my dog passed away 3 months later"

Sounds like a country song!

T

DesertEyes

Hi there MaxiJazz

No worries, each group has it's own "flavor" depending on the people who show up. Over time new people show up, other people move outta town and the same group changes it's "feel".

Good for you !!! You've come to the right place cuz that's exactly what all of us are doing

You are more than welcome here Whether you go to real life meetings is totally separate and has nothing to do with you being a member of our "online family". In addition to this forum for "Adult Children" issues a lot of us also participate in the two forums "next door".

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

and there's even a "Step Study" over here

Friends and Family Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

All of which you are welcome to visit and participate as you see fit. Or not. Imagine it's a great big "Recovery Center" just like they have have for alkies and druggies, except this one is for _us_, and not for _them_. Come and go as you please. Sit around and observe, look behind the couch, peek in the fridge, whatever. This place is for us to heal, nothing else, so make yourself at home.

Mike

GingerM

I seem to be the poster child for the "I didn't go to meetings but am still doing pretty darned well in recovery, if I do say so myself."

So I'll just add my 2 bits in - for one, as others have said, you may want to try different meetings with different people. But if, for whatever reason, AlAnon isn't for you? Find a therapist. Print out the 13 common characteristics of ACoA's at the top of this forum. Take it with you. If you can, find a therapist who works with families in crisis (even though you're not in crisis, they'll understand the dynamics far better than someone else). Or find a person who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT works off the premise that sometimes we have to change the behavior before we can change our outlook on things - in other words, sometimes you just have to DO it (whatever "it" is) to prove to your brain that it isn't as scary as your brain is telling you.

One think Mike and I agree on wholeheartedly is that it is highly unlikely that without someone on the outside helping, recovery is not likely to happen.

That being said, your original post didn't sound like you came here to be lectured, but rather for a bit of sympathy and an ear. We're good at that 'round here

So keep on doing your best to take care of yourself. It's really difficult, sometimes feels impossible, sometimes involves having to take actions that are distasteful, but it is so very worth it! *cheers you on*

MaxiJazz

Thanks one and all for your support and encouragement...it is much appreciated. I will have a look see at the links you've invited me to look at, and the outside help also seems to make sense to me also....so thanks. As to the country song well, maybe it'll be a hit someday eh?
MJ