December15

Lately I have been thinking about things. About my divorce, my kids, my ex alcoholic girlfriend who died last year, the other relationships that didn't work out, my drinking and drug use that I'm trying to overcome. The job which I'm doing well at but has high demands. And the tears sort of well up in my eyes and sweep down my face. This is strange. Is this deep depression or the start of a healing? I don't feel particularly depressed - there is just sadness. I don't know what is going on.

Live

your feelings are surfacing about those losses you mentioned, would be my guess.

December15

Yes this must be it. I believe I have been repressing the emotional side of my life. This works for a while but you feel like a machine. I can handle the tears as long as I can start feeling again.

Live

I didn't learn that I had feelings (not in a real way) until I was in my mid-30's.

I hope you are able to work thro' the sadness ....but really it reminds me of a favorite Kahlil Gibran poem "Joy and Sorrow"....how about looking that up? You will love it, I think, and you don't have to even like poetry.

Life is much richer with freed up emotions.

Morning Glory

I went through 3 deaths last year and didn't cry at the time. Now I have daily leaky eyes. It would be nice to just get a good cry out, but thats not how it is working this time. I'm learning that grief isn't just different for each person, but different for each death and loss. Sometimes we need to cope by staying strong when its just too much to handle at one time. I do know that I can trust the process from my past experiences with grief. Our losses are deeply sad for us. I've found that the sadness can turn to beauty and appreciation later when thinking of those we've lost. It all takes time and there is no time limit to process it.

acdirito

I just brawled my own eyes out. Sometimes we might think we have our emotions under control, but then something happens to trigger those emotions back out of us. I had written more about this, but then decided to make a separate thread. All we can do is live one day, sometimes one minute, at a time. When I get overwhelmed with negative thinking all I can do is to start crying. I call this the curse of being a woman, when it's actually cleansing of our souls.

Ananda

last few days i decided to do something different.

I'm no longer trying to "work through" my feelings, "understand" my feelings, explain my feelings

I'm just plain old feeling my feelings...without a bunch of others surrounding me to tell me how to do it, why i should do it..asking for explinations...

I just cut though the crap....

I've expereinced a great deal of pain the last 2 years and held it in a special place to analize, avoid, justify, explain, created secondary emotions out of them like guilt, shame and embarrasment

Pain and sadness and anger are not self pity, not something to judge...I just need some space in my life to simply feel what i feel.

so....i've been productive and done what needs to be done when it needs to be done...the rest of the day i just let myself feel the pain and anger and other stufff...no filters...just let it be what it is.

December...we are old friends...my recomendation is to maybe just let yourself have the feelings....don't think (and yep dont' take any actions during the storm) just allow yourself to be human and feel....

I use to drink to try and allow me the room to just say i hurt unbearable. Today i've given myself permission to hurt.

Last time i did that I was terrified that the emotions would go on forever, that i would be non-functioning...that i was somehow less than for feeling them fully instead of keeping some sort of distance from them. I think I was still seeping out the last of those feeings for a year, but I ended up with 7 years sober AND content....maybe allowing ourselves to be who we are, emotions and all is a path to contented sobriety...just a very very dificult start to make

It will get better december..of that i have no doubt.