Deesire

My XS has identified as an alcoholic for at least the last 10 yrs. Though he wasn't actively working his recovery for most of the 7 yrs I was with him, he was sober much of the time, and could probably have best been described as a high functioning binge alcoholic. He'd been to treatment and done AA and 12 steps before we'd met. A couple of years ago, he had a bad day at worked, relapsed in the evening...and basically became almost vegetative, isolating, being despondent, etc., for months and months. I thought throughout he was (clinically) depressed. I'm quite sure I told him so on at least a few occasions, but I don't think I pushed. Meanwhile, he was also drinking in secret far more than I knew about. At one point, he did go to a family doctor and get an anti-depressant prescribed but didn't stay on it long. Eventually, the addiction got bad enough that he went into residential treatment for a month. He relapsed not long after he came out. He went back to work for a time but had to stop work again (back and forth for a few times). He was drinking in secret, still, and eventually, I caught him in the act, decided I'd had enough of the deceit and broke up with him. He met someone else within weeks of the break up (we'd been living together for over 7 yrs) and got serious with her very quickly. I moved out and moved on. His addiction progressed and he decided to get more serious about recovery, doing 90 meetings in 90 days last fall. Unfortunately, he relapsed hard, became too difficult for her to live with and, last spring, she left him. I got involved in checking up on him and trying to be a helpful friend to him, knowing he'd be heart-broken, relapsing and was likely to have suicidal thoughts. Since then, he has been cycling through relapse and recovery. He's been in detox 4 or 5 times in the last months. But the most alarming of all was that his suicidal thoughts moved into suicidal gestures and he cut himself. He was admitted int a psych ward twice but no psychiatrist did anything but take a cursery look at him and release him (the last time without even a shirt on his back, and without a phone call to his parents or anyone else to let us know he was being released).

On at least a couple of occasions, when I had opportunity to talk to his addictions counsellors when he was in treatment, or to other mental health professionals, I expressed the view that I thought he had had depression and/or bi-polar disorder. On each occasion, I was told he had to be sober for a good 6-8 months before anyone could start exploring whether he had any other issues.

Whenever I'd brought it up with him, he did not seem overly receptive to the possibility that there could be something else going on. I came to believe that I was in denial of his addiction and that what I'd been seeing that appeared as clinical depression to me was actually just a facet of addiction. I think his next gf had also thought he might have depression or bi-polar disorder and brought it up with him.

In any case, I know this is become a somewhat lengthy post and yet I'm trying to describe the salient point of over 10 years' worth of living...

All this to say that finally, after all this time, he today had an appointment with an M.D. who specializes in addictions and other mental health orders that manifest with addictions and this doctor does think he has bi-polar disorder. He needs to be officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist and has a follow-up appointment for that purpose.

I am so freaken' excited. In part, I just feel like so much of my perceptions are being validated. In part, I feel like this is a key that will help unlock the whole mystery of why he's been so unwell for so long and that can lead to solutions for his being happy and healthy in the future.

I am posting in part because I just want to share, but also in part in the hopes of getting input from others on whether there is anything I can do to help him, what I should know about bi-polar disorder, etc. -- any wisdom that can be passed along....

suki44883

Sorry, but, what is XS? Medications for bi-polar have come a long way in recent years, but he'll have to take them regularly in order for them to do any good. Many times, when they start feeling better, they stop taking the meds not realizing that the reason they are feeling better is because the medication is working.

Once the meds are built up in his system, he can then tackle the alcoholism and hopefully, get a better handle on it.

Deesire

XAS = Ex alcoholic spouse.

He is currently working his recovery, primarily by going to AA meetings nearly every day, working the 12 steps, and recently has a new sponsor who seems helpful. He has been sober for about two weeks.

I think he is already anticipating that potential difficulty of staying on meds; he's recognized that he loves the good feeling of his (non-alcohol-induced) highs and thinks that was a reason for not wanting to consider he had bi-polar disorder until now.

I know this may still be a long winding road before there is long-term health and happiness, but it does seem like a giant step on the voyage.

nahade

My husband in treatment now and I do beleive he has Bi-polar issues that trigger the drinking. But my husband can't seem to sleep sense he sober. Did your ex have this problem when he was sober?

loveon2legs

Hi Nahade... I am bipolar...and bipolar can trigger drinking...at least it did for me.... I was "self medicating" my manic highs.....these mood swings are being controlled...not cured by lithium ...works wonders for me.... I think that most of us who become sober have some level of sleep disorder.....being bipolar also can manifest itself this way, I take trazodone to help me sleep...it's wonderful...Ive tried a few and this one seems the best for me.. With bipolar most times you have to try a few meds to find the right combination...
Wishing you and your hubby well xo