Non Compos Mentis
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 650
Non Compos Mentis
Not of sound mind.
This is me lately.
I have been entertaining disturbing thoughts, mostly fantasies of leaving this (perfectly good) life and starting over. This usually involves a plan to do a LOT of drugs. I want to leave my lovely husband and son and isolate myself in a cheap apartment and get high till I start hearing voices again. I have suicidal ideations. I want to drop out of NA (although I like it and am finally making friends) and just isolate. I have come so close to acting on this. I have terrible insomnia which just makes it worse. I have 51 days clean and I'm not certain I can make it to 60. I just feel like I am going truly insane! HELP!
This is me lately.
I have been entertaining disturbing thoughts, mostly fantasies of leaving this (perfectly good) life and starting over. This usually involves a plan to do a LOT of drugs. I want to leave my lovely husband and son and isolate myself in a cheap apartment and get high till I start hearing voices again. I have suicidal ideations. I want to drop out of NA (although I like it and am finally making friends) and just isolate. I have come so close to acting on this. I have terrible insomnia which just makes it worse. I have 51 days clean and I'm not certain I can make it to 60. I just feel like I am going truly insane! HELP!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
onewithwings, you got so much going for you, the grass is most often never greener on the otherside, you got loving good people/family around you who care...its easy to forget about these things and become consumed in ourselves, hang in there you have put much energy into thus so far...why stop now? its tough for a little while now an again but never relentless.. keep it going best wishes.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,900
I know for me, the times I have obsessed about returning to active addiction (stinking thinking), I ended going back out. It usually starts with me by thinking about all the things I liked about using (euphoric recall) and minimizing or even discounting all the positive benefits of staying clean. Eventual I end up convincing myself that life will be more exciting or whatever if I pick up using again.
As usual the same thing happens when I start using again, eventually I damage my mental health, ruin more relationships...basically the same ole, same ole. I crash and burn then end up with more mental health problems that ever before.
The best thing to do is seek more help, step-up ones addiction and mental health plan. Tell the people close to you that care about your health whats going on. Talk to your psych doc, therapist, sponsor, family, friend. Its called "pulling your own covers" so that the people that care for you in your personal life can be aware of what your going through and offer help.
As usual the same thing happens when I start using again, eventually I damage my mental health, ruin more relationships...basically the same ole, same ole. I crash and burn then end up with more mental health problems that ever before.
The best thing to do is seek more help, step-up ones addiction and mental health plan. Tell the people close to you that care about your health whats going on. Talk to your psych doc, therapist, sponsor, family, friend. Its called "pulling your own covers" so that the people that care for you in your personal life can be aware of what your going through and offer help.
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