It is so frustrating
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
It is so frustrating
Why is it so hard, nearly impossible, sometimes to do those things that we know can help us out of a depression spiral? Too watch oneself going down that hill and feeling helpless to stop it.
I have been in a depression spiral for almost 3 weeks now. Suicidal thoughts bombarding me from out of no where. Lack of energy, difficulty sleeping, no motivation, increased anxiety, etc.... I know that since a medication change occurred right around the time this started that it is probably just the medication change yet, I can not seem to pick up the phone and call my doctor. When I was last in to see her I go the impression she thought that maybe I am not bipolar. I also got the impression that she felt that I was trying to play the system for disability. That is probably just paranoia because of the depression spiral and is not based in fact but yet, I can not stop that feeling. It has left me feeling I can not trust my therapist. How can I trust someone with my inner most thoughts if they think that I am a liar? It is hard enough opening up but to talk to someone I can not trust is impossible. I did talk to my partner about the suicidal feelings and thoughts several times over the past two weeks she has been encouraging me to talk to my doctor. I still am struggling and don't know how to stop it.
As embarrassing as it is I finally had to ask my partner to call my mental health provider and tell her what she sees going on and ask if maybe the medication is not doing what it should. I hate doing this but I know that I can not give into the thoughts that bombard my brain daily and sometimes hourly. Suicide is not an option and I just wish I could get that through to my brain. Hopefully some relief will get here soon.
It is so frustrating to be in a position that I can not seem to help myself. Thank God, I have people in my life that care enough to help me out during these times.
I have been in a depression spiral for almost 3 weeks now. Suicidal thoughts bombarding me from out of no where. Lack of energy, difficulty sleeping, no motivation, increased anxiety, etc.... I know that since a medication change occurred right around the time this started that it is probably just the medication change yet, I can not seem to pick up the phone and call my doctor. When I was last in to see her I go the impression she thought that maybe I am not bipolar. I also got the impression that she felt that I was trying to play the system for disability. That is probably just paranoia because of the depression spiral and is not based in fact but yet, I can not stop that feeling. It has left me feeling I can not trust my therapist. How can I trust someone with my inner most thoughts if they think that I am a liar? It is hard enough opening up but to talk to someone I can not trust is impossible. I did talk to my partner about the suicidal feelings and thoughts several times over the past two weeks she has been encouraging me to talk to my doctor. I still am struggling and don't know how to stop it.
As embarrassing as it is I finally had to ask my partner to call my mental health provider and tell her what she sees going on and ask if maybe the medication is not doing what it should. I hate doing this but I know that I can not give into the thoughts that bombard my brain daily and sometimes hourly. Suicide is not an option and I just wish I could get that through to my brain. Hopefully some relief will get here soon.
It is so frustrating to be in a position that I can not seem to help myself. Thank God, I have people in my life that care enough to help me out during these times.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I'm sorry you find yourself struggling right now.
I am just coming out of a major depression that lasted about 4-5 weeks. I stopped taking my anti-psychotic and anti-depressant at the same time, but stayed on my mood stabilizer. My pdoc agreed that I could stop the other meds due to side effects and I seemed to be stable. He had diagnosed me with major depression and Bipolar II.
I went off the deep end. First came the physical side effects: dizziness, nausea, loss of appetite, weight loss. Then I started to cry. And cry. And cry. Then I began to isolate. Then sleep around the clock. The weight of the depression I experienced was absolutely crushing me. Then I began obsessing about suicide. Then I started to cry again, but I couldn't seem to reach out for help. I was still attending meetings, and, thankfully, my friends recognized what was happening. They urged me to see my doctor. My pdoc couldn't see me, so I saw my GP who put me back on an AD. It's been 11 days now and I'm functioning again. Not firing on all cylinders yet, but I'm getting out of bed with relative ease, and things look less bleak.
Please, see your doctor, and get on some different meds. I've been on so many different ones, and I know how fkd up the wrong ones can make you feel. You don't need to suffer like this. Get your partner to call and make the appointment, and go with you if need be. I know what it feels like. Be good to yourself.
I am just coming out of a major depression that lasted about 4-5 weeks. I stopped taking my anti-psychotic and anti-depressant at the same time, but stayed on my mood stabilizer. My pdoc agreed that I could stop the other meds due to side effects and I seemed to be stable. He had diagnosed me with major depression and Bipolar II.
I went off the deep end. First came the physical side effects: dizziness, nausea, loss of appetite, weight loss. Then I started to cry. And cry. And cry. Then I began to isolate. Then sleep around the clock. The weight of the depression I experienced was absolutely crushing me. Then I began obsessing about suicide. Then I started to cry again, but I couldn't seem to reach out for help. I was still attending meetings, and, thankfully, my friends recognized what was happening. They urged me to see my doctor. My pdoc couldn't see me, so I saw my GP who put me back on an AD. It's been 11 days now and I'm functioning again. Not firing on all cylinders yet, but I'm getting out of bed with relative ease, and things look less bleak.
Please, see your doctor, and get on some different meds. I've been on so many different ones, and I know how fkd up the wrong ones can make you feel. You don't need to suffer like this. Get your partner to call and make the appointment, and go with you if need be. I know what it feels like. Be good to yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Prayers and good wishes for you both 
I think Rowans advice is good namdm - my depressions are pretty minor, but I know sometimes we need to force ourselves to do what we know is good for us.
D
I think Rowans advice is good namdm - my depressions are pretty minor, but I know sometimes we need to force ourselves to do what we know is good for us.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am so sorry sweetie!
J., you have never liked the phone in the best of times!
And if you don't feel like your Dr/therapist is hearing you and taking you seriously, it would be doubly hard!
Don't be embarassed about your partner calling!
My counselor has given mine instructions to phone if it looks like I am needing it and not doing it myself. She says don't wait until it goes so far and it gets so bad.
In fact I regularly take him in with me so that he can objectively bring up things that I may overlook or misinterpret.
Or so he can back me up on what I say.
It seems to me sometimes if we can talk about it in a regular informed way...it gets discounted!~with the health care providers.
Doesn't count if I am not hysterical or something?????????
I finally discovered that with the right med I no longer have even the background static of "suicide"......I thought that was just something I would live with.
It has been a miracle!
I also learned that mine is mixed episodes...I never thought I was bipolar until this year and I wound up in the hospital in June.
My mania is an unbearable agitated state, the inner tension and inability to sleep or relieve it is mixed with the suicidal thoughts and being "paralyzed", unable to function and no rest...no rest...no rest.
Med changes get so damned discouraging that at times I truly felt hopeless and helpless.
And then the damned side effects...I begin to wonder what is real and what is side effects? I am sure you understand that.
I have PTSD also....that has been improving as I avoid all triggers.
And I insisted on the tranquilizers being re-instated.
I am not dx'ed with comorbid anxiety but I know I have it.
It is excruciating.
I don't know about you...but I tend not to ask for help until I am well past the point of being able to handle it myself...which is not exactly smart! LOL
Can you request a different therapist?
Geez, at times I have had my partner deliver notes to mine...when I just couldn't/wouldn't get myself out to go and those notes tend to be brutally honest and more descriptive than what I say verbally.
The state agency here will make home visits if needed.
I know you are moving too....so much work and stress!
I had the worse set of nightmares/night terrors when I finally went to sleep after a full day of plugging away at it (best I could do but not enough by my reckoning, according to what I used to be capable of)
I have been reading alot of Kay Redfield Jamison...a foremost expert and also has bipolar...she has been really good for restoring my dignity, which suffers from the "indignity" of this disease.
I love you gal!
We are moving...936 miles...so I may not be able to get on the internet for a week, more or less.
But know you are in all my best thoughts.
We shouldn't have to fight those suicidal thoughts, impulses and the planning it the way we do.
I now believe that is an indication that the meds aren't right.
If worse comes to worse with me...I head to the ER.
Whatever it takes, you know?
J., you have never liked the phone in the best of times!
And if you don't feel like your Dr/therapist is hearing you and taking you seriously, it would be doubly hard!
Don't be embarassed about your partner calling!
My counselor has given mine instructions to phone if it looks like I am needing it and not doing it myself. She says don't wait until it goes so far and it gets so bad.
In fact I regularly take him in with me so that he can objectively bring up things that I may overlook or misinterpret.
Or so he can back me up on what I say.
It seems to me sometimes if we can talk about it in a regular informed way...it gets discounted!~with the health care providers.
Doesn't count if I am not hysterical or something?????????
I finally discovered that with the right med I no longer have even the background static of "suicide"......I thought that was just something I would live with.
It has been a miracle!
I also learned that mine is mixed episodes...I never thought I was bipolar until this year and I wound up in the hospital in June.
My mania is an unbearable agitated state, the inner tension and inability to sleep or relieve it is mixed with the suicidal thoughts and being "paralyzed", unable to function and no rest...no rest...no rest.
Med changes get so damned discouraging that at times I truly felt hopeless and helpless.
And then the damned side effects...I begin to wonder what is real and what is side effects? I am sure you understand that.
I have PTSD also....that has been improving as I avoid all triggers.
And I insisted on the tranquilizers being re-instated.
I am not dx'ed with comorbid anxiety but I know I have it.
It is excruciating.
I don't know about you...but I tend not to ask for help until I am well past the point of being able to handle it myself...which is not exactly smart! LOL
Can you request a different therapist?
Geez, at times I have had my partner deliver notes to mine...when I just couldn't/wouldn't get myself out to go and those notes tend to be brutally honest and more descriptive than what I say verbally.
The state agency here will make home visits if needed.
I know you are moving too....so much work and stress!
I had the worse set of nightmares/night terrors when I finally went to sleep after a full day of plugging away at it (best I could do but not enough by my reckoning, according to what I used to be capable of)
I have been reading alot of Kay Redfield Jamison...a foremost expert and also has bipolar...she has been really good for restoring my dignity, which suffers from the "indignity" of this disease.
I love you gal!
We are moving...936 miles...so I may not be able to get on the internet for a week, more or less.
But know you are in all my best thoughts.
We shouldn't have to fight those suicidal thoughts, impulses and the planning it the way we do.
I now believe that is an indication that the meds aren't right.
If worse comes to worse with me...I head to the ER.
Whatever it takes, you know?
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Thanks Dee, Rowan, and Live. I appreciate your taking the time to write.
Molly made the call for me this evening and I have an appointment with my psych doc on Thursday. She said she will address the depression then. I am currently not on an anti-depressant and have not been on one for over 8 months. It was stopped when she felt it was pushing me into a hypomanic state. I do think that I have been having mixed bipolar episodes lately with depression being the predominant part of it.
It is a relief to know that my thoughts about my psych doc were just paranoia from the depression and that I only have to hang on for a little while longer and things will change. Hopefully the change will be for the better.
Molly made the call for me this evening and I have an appointment with my psych doc on Thursday. She said she will address the depression then. I am currently not on an anti-depressant and have not been on one for over 8 months. It was stopped when she felt it was pushing me into a hypomanic state. I do think that I have been having mixed bipolar episodes lately with depression being the predominant part of it.
It is a relief to know that my thoughts about my psych doc were just paranoia from the depression and that I only have to hang on for a little while longer and things will change. Hopefully the change will be for the better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
J, I am up and going to be up for awhile...because we really need to load the uhaul and pull out as early as possible (and I took a long nap)
but tonight is an exception.
we have set phone alarms for me to take my meds.
I have actually been reading some of the latest academic research medical stuff and next to taking the meds
the most important is SLEEP.
I had to decide that I would put myself to bed like a 7 year old child LOL
I take the night meds at 7pm and then am in bed at 9pm...10 at the latest
I think I have tried all but one sleep med on the market!
Bad reactions to most!
I freaked when he put me on Halcion but it works....but one must go to bed promptly after taking it and it kicks in.
I know longer allow myself naps at all (except for today)
and I will be paying for today for about a week, I figure.
Decreased need for sleep is also the main signal of mania.
No more indulging myself hanging on the computer, finishing a good book, getting caught up in internet research...all things I LOVED to do....staying up late and often all the way through until morning light.
But am now 100% convinced it vastly contributes to my becoming unstable and ill.
For instance...that lady Kay Redfield Jamison....her husband was dying of cancer...they knew he would die the next day but by agreement she did not stay in the hospital to spend her last night with him.
They knew and he insisted that she return home and get her night's sleep or she would be thrown back into a severe relapse.
That spoke volumes to me!!!!!!!
So, I am breaking all the rules tonight...gulp.
Am going to go wash more dishes to be packed but will check back.
Tonight I will stay up and chat with you if you like.
I have been learning so very much about this illness.
but tonight is an exception.
we have set phone alarms for me to take my meds.
I have actually been reading some of the latest academic research medical stuff and next to taking the meds
the most important is SLEEP.
I had to decide that I would put myself to bed like a 7 year old child LOL
I take the night meds at 7pm and then am in bed at 9pm...10 at the latest
I think I have tried all but one sleep med on the market!
Bad reactions to most!
I freaked when he put me on Halcion but it works....but one must go to bed promptly after taking it and it kicks in.
I know longer allow myself naps at all (except for today)
and I will be paying for today for about a week, I figure.
Decreased need for sleep is also the main signal of mania.
No more indulging myself hanging on the computer, finishing a good book, getting caught up in internet research...all things I LOVED to do....staying up late and often all the way through until morning light.
But am now 100% convinced it vastly contributes to my becoming unstable and ill.
For instance...that lady Kay Redfield Jamison....her husband was dying of cancer...they knew he would die the next day but by agreement she did not stay in the hospital to spend her last night with him.
They knew and he insisted that she return home and get her night's sleep or she would be thrown back into a severe relapse.
That spoke volumes to me!!!!!!!
So, I am breaking all the rules tonight...gulp.
Am going to go wash more dishes to be packed but will check back.
Tonight I will stay up and chat with you if you like.
I have been learning so very much about this illness.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I just got busted!
David woke up, asked what I was doing and then became worried about me screwing up my wellness schedule.
I ate a sandwich because I don't sleep well on an empty stomach.
My counselor also coaxed me into not going directly home after meeting her once a week (going home putting my slob clothes back on and parking myself in depression).
I am required to be out doing just about anything that will get me one hour of sunshine.
Uh-oh.....he loves me enough to say....Tena, how many more minutes?!
He is right...don't want him to have to get up and chase me to bed.
g'nite and love to you
David woke up, asked what I was doing and then became worried about me screwing up my wellness schedule.
I ate a sandwich because I don't sleep well on an empty stomach.
My counselor also coaxed me into not going directly home after meeting her once a week (going home putting my slob clothes back on and parking myself in depression).
I am required to be out doing just about anything that will get me one hour of sunshine.
Uh-oh.....he loves me enough to say....Tena, how many more minutes?!
He is right...don't want him to have to get up and chase me to bed.
g'nite and love to you
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I still have not heard anything from the judge yet. Everyday I go through horrible feelings when I check the mail. Part dread and part hope. I guess it is good news the judge did not decide quickly as it means she must have believed me but is just reviewing the case to ensure she makes the best judgment she can. I can only pray that it is in my favor.
I really struggle with believing it will be ok and she will judge in my favor. I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed. I am in a lot of fear right now and the depression is not helping. My self confidence is shattered and I am stuck in a mixed state of mania and depression.
My doctor did add abilify back into my medications since it was stopped right at the time this deep depression started. I don't know how much good it is doing but I am hanging in there and praying that it does some good. I have been very fortunate that my partner had two brothers who committed suicide and I am close to her mother, in fact she is more of a mother to me than my own mother. Because of her brothers I know that my suicide would be devastating to her since I see the pain and self blame she has over her brothers even though it was not her fault. That has been a life saver for me during this depression as it kept me from acting on the feelings and hanging in there till they passed. I am also very fortunate to have a partner who will act as an advocate for me when I need help but can not reach out on my own.
If the abilify does not work then my doctor is considering putting me on a stimulant to aid in my depression. I have to laugh about that because if I am in a mixed mania/depression state I would think that a stimulant might only increase my mania. But I guess it would help me get out of the depression then. I am going to have to really think about it before I agree to that treatment.
I really struggle with believing it will be ok and she will judge in my favor. I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed. I am in a lot of fear right now and the depression is not helping. My self confidence is shattered and I am stuck in a mixed state of mania and depression.
My doctor did add abilify back into my medications since it was stopped right at the time this deep depression started. I don't know how much good it is doing but I am hanging in there and praying that it does some good. I have been very fortunate that my partner had two brothers who committed suicide and I am close to her mother, in fact she is more of a mother to me than my own mother. Because of her brothers I know that my suicide would be devastating to her since I see the pain and self blame she has over her brothers even though it was not her fault. That has been a life saver for me during this depression as it kept me from acting on the feelings and hanging in there till they passed. I am also very fortunate to have a partner who will act as an advocate for me when I need help but can not reach out on my own.
If the abilify does not work then my doctor is considering putting me on a stimulant to aid in my depression. I have to laugh about that because if I am in a mixed mania/depression state I would think that a stimulant might only increase my mania. But I guess it would help me get out of the depression then. I am going to have to really think about it before I agree to that treatment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
hugs!
I don't know what you have hanging with "the judge" but you know, I hope, that I wish you the best and believe that your sincerity shines through in any situation.
A stimulant sounds kind of scary to me too....shoot, I avoid caffeine!
Who knows, tho'?
I have just become afraid of meds and med changes across the board.
I understand what you are saying about the survivors of suicides that we love provide us some insurance against acting out suicidal impulses.
You know that my son committed suicide when he was 20 years old.
But, J, that didn't stop me from flipping out on seroquel and taking one right after the other just trying to shut down from the craziness and get some sleep.
I woke up in ICU with a breathing tube down my throat.
And the most horrible dead feeling/thought that I had just f'ed up everything that was important to me and that mattered.
I did call 911 on myself.
My meds got changed and I have been doing as well or better than ever.
But I am noticing that I am not wanting to take those meds when the alarm goes off and I am wanting to and staying up too late.
The constant vigilance and struggle gets so tiresomely old sometimes.
I find it odd that they are not addressing your anxiety?
Too much anxiety makes me depressed!
Having moved I am facing starting all over again with a new mental health clinic, continuity of care is critical....but I sure dread it.
love to you and M!
I don't know what you have hanging with "the judge" but you know, I hope, that I wish you the best and believe that your sincerity shines through in any situation.
A stimulant sounds kind of scary to me too....shoot, I avoid caffeine!
Who knows, tho'?
I have just become afraid of meds and med changes across the board.
I understand what you are saying about the survivors of suicides that we love provide us some insurance against acting out suicidal impulses.
You know that my son committed suicide when he was 20 years old.
But, J, that didn't stop me from flipping out on seroquel and taking one right after the other just trying to shut down from the craziness and get some sleep.
I woke up in ICU with a breathing tube down my throat.
And the most horrible dead feeling/thought that I had just f'ed up everything that was important to me and that mattered.
I did call 911 on myself.
My meds got changed and I have been doing as well or better than ever.
But I am noticing that I am not wanting to take those meds when the alarm goes off and I am wanting to and staying up too late.
The constant vigilance and struggle gets so tiresomely old sometimes.
I find it odd that they are not addressing your anxiety?
Too much anxiety makes me depressed!
Having moved I am facing starting all over again with a new mental health clinic, continuity of care is critical....but I sure dread it.
love to you and M!
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts, I really appreciate them.
Live, I had a disability hearing on the 2nd of this month. I am waiting for the judges ruling on it. I have been fighting for it for over 3 years now.
Live, I had a disability hearing on the 2nd of this month. I am waiting for the judges ruling on it. I have been fighting for it for over 3 years now.
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I found out this week that the judge can take up to 8 weeks to make her decision. I guess another 2 months on top of the past 3 years really should not matter but it still is frustrating.
My doctor started me back on a low dose Abilify. It seems to have stabilized the depression spiral I was in after she stopped it and started me on Seroquel xr. So far the worst side effect of the Seroquel seems to be an extremely dry mouth and difficulty swallowing at times. Other than that it seems to be doing a decent job of stabilizing my moods now that the Abilify has been restarted.
My doctor started me back on a low dose Abilify. It seems to have stabilized the depression spiral I was in after she stopped it and started me on Seroquel xr. So far the worst side effect of the Seroquel seems to be an extremely dry mouth and difficulty swallowing at times. Other than that it seems to be doing a decent job of stabilizing my moods now that the Abilify has been restarted.
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Well the judgment is in. Not in my favor. Denied once again. Was really discouraged and depressed when I got the news. But once I read why the denial there is once again hope as the judge missed some key points and misinterpreted others. I will let my attorney decide whether or not we appeal.
I am not sure why but I have finally come to terms with the fact that this is truly out of my control. I have given it all I have. I have been honest and forthright in the whole thing. There is nothing left for me to do. I can not change the outcome so I have to just accept it as a denial. If I do that then if we appeal I won't have to worry or stress I can just believe it is all done and been denied. Then I won't have the let down and pain again.
I have the opportunity to start a pre-apprenticeship program in October for women in trades. I have already been approved for the class. It is only three days a week but with my anxiety and agoraphobia I don't know if I can make those classes. But the best I can do is try as well as keep as positive of an attitude as I can. If I put my energy into this instead of worrying over the disability stuff then hopefully it will pay off and I can once again be a real person.
I was going through boxes today because of the move. I found all my certificates of Achievement, licenses, and certifications and I realized while I was looking at them that I truly feel like I have been half a person since all this insanity started. I feel like I went from being a successful, intelligent, competent, person to an incompetent, forgetful, incompetent person. It made me ask myself why the change? Why can't I be that person again?
I realized there is no reason I can not be that person again. I just have to work through this crap in my head and in the meantime keep putting one foot in front of the other towards whatever lies ahead for me.
I am truly surprised about how I have reacted to this denial. It was almost freeing to feel like the fight is finally over with. I truly expected to be suicidal and severely depressed but that did not happen although I was depressed and discouraged initially. Maybe I am in shock who knows but this is the first time in a long time I have felt like I can move forward instead of being caught up in the past. Maybe all this is a good thing for me. Only time will tell
I am not sure why but I have finally come to terms with the fact that this is truly out of my control. I have given it all I have. I have been honest and forthright in the whole thing. There is nothing left for me to do. I can not change the outcome so I have to just accept it as a denial. If I do that then if we appeal I won't have to worry or stress I can just believe it is all done and been denied. Then I won't have the let down and pain again.
I have the opportunity to start a pre-apprenticeship program in October for women in trades. I have already been approved for the class. It is only three days a week but with my anxiety and agoraphobia I don't know if I can make those classes. But the best I can do is try as well as keep as positive of an attitude as I can. If I put my energy into this instead of worrying over the disability stuff then hopefully it will pay off and I can once again be a real person.
I was going through boxes today because of the move. I found all my certificates of Achievement, licenses, and certifications and I realized while I was looking at them that I truly feel like I have been half a person since all this insanity started. I feel like I went from being a successful, intelligent, competent, person to an incompetent, forgetful, incompetent person. It made me ask myself why the change? Why can't I be that person again?
I realized there is no reason I can not be that person again. I just have to work through this crap in my head and in the meantime keep putting one foot in front of the other towards whatever lies ahead for me.
I am truly surprised about how I have reacted to this denial. It was almost freeing to feel like the fight is finally over with. I truly expected to be suicidal and severely depressed but that did not happen although I was depressed and discouraged initially. Maybe I am in shock who knows but this is the first time in a long time I have felt like I can move forward instead of being caught up in the past. Maybe all this is a good thing for me. Only time will tell
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
So my attorney thinks we have a good grounds for appeal. I am going to let her do it. But I will not allow myself to get caught up in the what if's in the process. I think I can just leave the outcome to my HP and trust that whatever the decision it will be the right one in the long run.
On another note the move is almost over. Tomorrow morning the movers get here and we will be moved in by tomorrow night except a few things that are in the attic. It will be a nice break to not have the constant motion and noise from my kids and grand baby living with us. I am glad they are going to rent the house we are in now from us. It helps both of us out. Makes it where the house note is paid on this house and gives the kids rent that is cheaper than anything they can find out there and is what they can afford.
Unfortunately since my disability did not come through I am going to have to make some major medication changes as I can not afford what I am taking right now which runs about $300 per month. I am going to have to tell my doctor that I am going to have to try some of the older, cheaper drugs and hopefully they will work comparably. I don't know what else to do as I just don't have that kind of money from the yard I mow and house I clean every 2 weeks. That money just pays my car insurance and phone bill. I know with the house move we can no longer afford to have the extra $300 going out. I do not look forward to the med changes as I know the results could be disastrous for a while. I am not even sure if there is a cheaper med that I have not tried. At least I can afford to stay on the lamictal which helps to some degree.
On another note the move is almost over. Tomorrow morning the movers get here and we will be moved in by tomorrow night except a few things that are in the attic. It will be a nice break to not have the constant motion and noise from my kids and grand baby living with us. I am glad they are going to rent the house we are in now from us. It helps both of us out. Makes it where the house note is paid on this house and gives the kids rent that is cheaper than anything they can find out there and is what they can afford.
Unfortunately since my disability did not come through I am going to have to make some major medication changes as I can not afford what I am taking right now which runs about $300 per month. I am going to have to tell my doctor that I am going to have to try some of the older, cheaper drugs and hopefully they will work comparably. I don't know what else to do as I just don't have that kind of money from the yard I mow and house I clean every 2 weeks. That money just pays my car insurance and phone bill. I know with the house move we can no longer afford to have the extra $300 going out. I do not look forward to the med changes as I know the results could be disastrous for a while. I am not even sure if there is a cheaper med that I have not tried. At least I can afford to stay on the lamictal which helps to some degree.
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
That is a good idea but my doctor has already given me samples for the first month of these meds. I just had them filled for the first time yesterday and it cost me over $200 just for two of the meds. When I tell her I can not afford them then I will ask her about the free samples. Thanks for the suggestion. I
I am really worried about making big changes with my meds right now as I have finally hit a stable point and feel human again. But if I have to do it then I will just have to really on the moral support of my friends and family during the rough periods of trying to find meds that will work that are not a small fortune.
Thanks everyone for your support and comments in all this.
I am really worried about making big changes with my meds right now as I have finally hit a stable point and feel human again. But if I have to do it then I will just have to really on the moral support of my friends and family during the rough periods of trying to find meds that will work that are not a small fortune.
Thanks everyone for your support and comments in all this.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
