citykitty

I don't know where to start and don't know if I'm in the right place. But here goes...I am female, 49 years old and have been drinking forever. I've had my ups and downs but now the drinking isn't my real issue. Well it is and isn't as I'm sure someone here will point out. Yes I drink too much but I'm not ready to stop, it's not a problem in my life so to speak. But what is a problem is pain meds and major depression. I have been taking lortabs every day since May of this year for various reasons. (female problems, back problems, etc) I started with 5 mg and am now at 10 mg, 4 times a day, (some days 5 a day which is more then doc wrote rx for.) Now I have always been one to love having some "happy pills" on hand for fun but during this time it has been needed. And I'm finding that the "happy" just isn't there as much when the pain pills are actually doing their job. Here comes the depression part...I hurt in am, take pill then disappointed that yea, pain is gone but the good feeling isn't staying. So I take another, feel better but feel despair cause wtf? It's depressing me cause I want to stay within the limit of what I should take and yet am counting the hours till I can take yet another. I'm building a tolerance in other words I guess.

So this depression over this situation is getting worst and worst. I wake up totally depressed and stay in bed as long as possible cause I know once I get up the cycle will begin again. I have thoughts of sucide I'm so down. I only feel half ass decent if I'm taking the pills and it worries the hell out of me, yet I see no way around it.

On impluse I called a shrink that I saw over 15 years ago. I was surprised he got me in right away. I told my story (more then I'm posting here) and he just plain out said I drank way too much and took way too many lortabs. He said many people have my pain and do without, that I'm abusing it. (I'm not doubting that yet I DO have an RX for it) I expected some compasion from him but got none whatsover. He said I would die if I continued to drink as much as I do (1/2 box 3 litter wine per night) and take the lortabs. He then started writing rx for a muscle relaxer and when I asked him why he said it would help me stop drinking. (BACLOFEN) Now take note, I never told him I had any desire whatsover to stop drinking. I then asked if the depression could be coming from taking the lortabs and building a tolerance. He said yes...so I brought up the pain med Tramadol and how I had read it treats pain plus depression. Without a word he wrote a rx for that and told me to NOT take lortabs with it but it would help me get off the tabs. Then he said he suggested I go to AA and see me in 2 wks.

Now I'm really confused cause I now have seen many places on the net about how addicting tramadol can be and how hard to wd from it. I know I didn't spend much time with this doc but wth...he didn't really address my depression at all! Oh and when I asked if I could drink with the Bacloefen or would it make me sick he laughed and said I could drink with it yes and would I like him to rx me with something that would make me sick? NO I said of course. I wasn't there to talk about stopping drinking in the first place. I don't know if this makes sense but I'm trying my best...just wanting some feedback on all of this if possible. I feel like I got no where seeing him and maybe just may make the problems worst. I am at this point way more concerned with the pain med issue then the drinking and yes I know I'm depending on both at this point. Self medicating my mind as well as my physcial pain. I don't want to die really...I just want to not be depressed...I do enjoy my "highs" in life and I'm not ready to come totally sober which would to me make the depression worst. Is it so damn bad to just use and stay happy instead of using and worrying about it? Stupid question I know. Hope someone understands and will post me back.

Many thanks and sorry so long of a first post! I just want/need something from someone...what that is I don't know.

justanothrdrunk

I'm not a doctor - but my guess is that the reason your Dr. didn't "address" your depression at all is because it's impossible for any Dr. to know whether you're clinically depressed legitimately or if it's all the booze and drugs in your system that's causing it.

I was in the same situation. I was seeing a shrink but not being honest with them about my drinking and drug use. And the anti-depressants I was on were not working. Anti-depressants don't work on someone who is actively abusing drugs and alcohol. That could be another reason too - there's no point in putting someone on an anti-depressant when they are actively abusing depressants like alcohol and opiates/narcotics.

I had to eliminate alcohol and drugs from the equation before my Dr. had even a chance to address my depression. Now that I'm clean and sober, depression is under control - turns out I have clinical depression (and general anxiety), but the drugs I'm on work like a charm.

nandm

Welcome to SR. Always glad to see a new face.

I think that Justanotherdrunk is right on track with what they said.

I have fought with depression the majority of my life, even as a teenager. But the problem was no one could properly diagnose why the depression was present until I stopped the alcohol (in your case I can see why he also said the lortabs as they can contribute to depression). I do not take Vicodin because it causes me to become suicidal, instead my doctor prescribes oxycodone for my back pain as needed with a daily dosing of gabapentin for the underlying nerve pain in my back. That regime works for me although it may not work for others. Once I got sober I was able to address my mental health issues without alcohol clouding what those problems were. Come to find out my drinking was basically a way I was self medicating some serious mental health issues. The problem with self medicating with alcohol or drugs is sooner or later they stop working and too often by that time one has to also deal with an addiction problem be it mental, physical or both.

It took Alcoholics Anonymous for me to stop drinking. Today my PTSD, Bipolar disorder, and chronic anxiety disorders are treated by my mental health provider. None of those could be identified when I drank and only were getting worse. I do hope that you find what works for you. I encourage you to work with your mental health provider and remember there are many of them out there. If you find one is not providing the care you feel you need or is not having you be an active participant in your care then I encourage you to find a different one.

Take care and let us know how it goes..

bobkerry

hey one thing which i would like to suggest you is to make your life painless by making and moulding it in good habbits...
leave drinking and engage yourself in other activities in order to make your life the best one