sleepie

Okay, I'll try to be concise- however I will likely end up rambling as usual. I was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome as a child. It was a nightmare- but that's another story. I was a really good student early in life and considered gifted. But later, my math grades plummeted. I struggled for years and years with anything that was not straight up language related. Even now as an adult I cannot deal with arithematic, math, or situations that require critical thinking. I was tested a number of times as a teen and my verbal abilities were, at least into my teens- in the 99th percentile (that's really good). There was a very, very large discrepancy betwen my verbal and non- verbal abilities. This is known as non- verbal learning disorder. This, along with OCD and ADHD are often comorbid conditions with Tourette's. I have been quite upset since I got my tests back from my parents before they moved away (we do not talk, they are/ were horribly abusive). I always knew something was wrong and when my fears were confirmed, I wanted to die. I have always felt like a smart idiot... That apparently is common for this disorder and referred to as "trapped intelligence"... Nobody takes me seriously on this- my therapist basically said in a nice way that I am really smart in one way and just stupid in another. Well that sucks. I can't live with that. The abuse, emotional pain, the fact that I am actually verifiably deficient are too much for me. I hate my life and I know I am a mistake. I get really down about it. Why is my grey matter so messed up? I am paying for it with my life- I will never attain more than menial positions in life, and financial security is pretty much out of the question unless someone wants to sweep an idiot off her feet and take care of her. I have been so used by so many people- naivete and gullibility is a HUGE problem for those with this disorder. I can't say or do anything right. I am in a state of fear constantly.

Dee74

I'd have said you're just not good at maths.
I'm not either.

I don't have tourettes but I do have speech difficulties...it's made me feel trapped and like a smart idiot too at times....but as I get older I realise that, to a large extent, it's only as big a deal as I make it.

There will probably always be jerks around, but really...who gives a rats a** what jerks think?

I use my version of the serenity prayer - change what I can and try to accept whatever I can't change.

I'd like to be able to say my own name without stuttering, I'd like to run, I'd like to be able to do a million little things that I can't do...I'd like to be good at math.

I'm not. But I do have many good qualities - even if I say so myself LOL.

I think it's important to focus on some of those good qualities and talents we have, sleepie

All together all the things we are makes us us - and there's not another you or another me anywhere.

You're special Sleepie - try not to forget that

D

sleepie

It's the bigger picture though... I can't see it. If I was just lousy at math, okay- but non-verbal abilities encompass so much more- critical thinking, problem solving and pattern recognition (which is considered the seat of intelligence). Abilities people take for granted... These are so vital to making a life for one's self. Google it if you like (NLVD)... Thanks for the kind words though Dee, I'm not in good shape today.

Cornczech

wait...wait....no, Darlin' (forgive my Texas endearment)

I was tested as a genius in the artistic, language...um...NON-MATH areas, (this was in the early 80's too....)...and if I were placed
under stress?.....pppppfffffftttttttt...I was a ******....otherwise...I could solve complex puzzles...(critical thinking...huh?) as long as I were not being tested or pressured.....So...I am not a menial scavenger, (I ain't a doctor nor lawyer either...pft). Now, I have had to be "taken care of" a few times in my life...(I was married twice before)...but I also took care of those folks as well....in return...(and in MY mind, I got screwed MORE than they did...I could tell ya some stories...) ANYHOW...DO NOT beat yourself up...life just is what it is...you can go on as you are....self depreciating......drinking.....whatever....or you can say...THIS IS WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW...(or DON'T want...) and just DO IT.....
pity parties are an ok thing...but like MOST parties...it is an inflated event...just go back to what you decide to go back to....or go forward and change a few things....haven't you changed a habit before...(as if I should talk, right? shrug........)
so...MY 3 bucks....

here's my pat on the back....(electronic, anyways.....)


d(-_-)b

sleepie

There's no test for artistic abilities, they are not even in the mix but thanks for the input...

Ainslie

Hi sleepie

Im sorry you are having such a hard time....

I know its not the main issue - but I can relate over the math thing....having to work out anything beyond a simple sum sends me into a fit of anxiety and I act like a petulant child.

At least you're posting.....I rarely do when im in such a sh*t mood.....and it can only help.

I hope you feel better soon

sleepie

Geez I almost exclusively post when I'm in a s*** mood! Thank you for reading and replying.

julez

Hey guys! YOU GUYS< SLEEPIE AND DEE!!!!
I really have to point something out to you guys. Dee, I've read many of your posts, and Sleepie, while I've only read a few of your posts, I'd like to comment that you both are very well written, and the words that you choose in your posts are far from sounding less educated or intelligent than anyone else. I know there are plenty of things I'm not good at, and I don NOT have a formal education, but I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent and well read. Sleepie, I'm sorry you are having a hard time, and I hope your spirits lift soon. Please remember what you DO have to offer though!! Hugs!!!!!!

justjo

Ok let me brag a little. Im good at maths and spelling, Im a bit of speed reader a n d
OK let me not brag, my mind goes a hundred miles an hour most days, Ive always been a thinker, therefore my typing in here sometimes doesnt catch up with my brain.....so I miss a few words. Sometimes Im thinking that fast, I miss words in my sentences and then I think I look stupid to other people.. so
Id say you are pretty intelligent and by the way I dont care about the fact I may come across a little sparkly, its just who I am.
Just be you, you are special, right?

sleepie

Good for you.

Ainslie

Sleepie, u no u cld b 1 of those hu rite lyk dis.

Imagine if you could solve the worlds equations but were limited to expressing yourself illiterately like SO many functioning adults in todays society....i know many grown adults that need help filling in forms, or reading menus.

just trying to look on the bright side.... hope tomorrow is better for you.

sleepie

I hope today is better too. I go to a new part time job today- ask me to make change and I have a panic attack.

Harry01854

Sleepie, there are times I really wish I had some kind of information or suggestions to be able to reach out to people. I have to accept the fact that, especially in your case, I don't have the answers. Not that I can't help in anyway though because I can.

So I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you get some answers and help from somebody or somewhere. God be with you.

Harry

sleepie

Sad and hopeful- wishful thinking and hoping I meet my potential in a dream some night... That translates into a conscious, viable life.

Ainslie

I have panic attacks over the most minor insignificant 'changes'. Not as bad as when I was drinking though.....the panic attacks then were worse!

sleepie

I was speaking of literally making change. I guess it's funny.

Ainslie

ohhhh you mean make change as in give change? like for cash transactions? there are slight differences in terminology between the USA and AUS, and that would be one of them! haha!

sleepie

Yes cash transactions.

Rancorous

I relate to the difficulty of math part. I'm afraid math will wreck my awesome GPA later on. I've been putting off trying it again. D:

On topic, you've always seemed like an intelligent person to me when you post. I would have never known you had something like Tourettes. This is probably going to sound lame but just don't worry about what other people say/think and keep going and living your life.

sleepie

Thanks Rancorous and everyone. Trying to choose between focusing on one's strengths or attempting to make up for deficits presents a troublesome conundrum. Maybe it's a choice most people make on some level. I guess I could try to stop blaming myself for getting whatever I did in the genetic lottery. That will be a task.