Jaded623

My original intent was to get support and help from other ACOAs on here since I can never seem to fit meetings into my schedule. I need to get rid of this emotional baggage and work on some of my personality traits that probably are directly related to being an ACOA. And as I was perusing through posts, I realized I really have my own addiction...

My mom is currently in recovery for alcohol, and I couldn't be prouder! While she was in rehab, she called one night and just said "Listen, if I tell you something, you promise you won't get mad?" I knew right away what she was going to say... She had just gotten a new roommate, and then she preceded to tell me that her roommate was addicted to adderall. I told her I didn't want to hear it and that she should be concentrating on her. She stopped right away. She didn't know that I had already been thinking about my use(abuse) of adderall because it was mentioned during our Family Education Program at the rehab.

So the next day while I was driving, I really started to think about whether or not I have a problem. In my mind, I was comparing myself to my mother. By no means, was my problem like hers. I mean, I was taking adderall for all the "right" reasons, at least that's what I was telling myself. I got more work done than I ever had in my life, and really felt like I was having these incredible moments of extreme intelligence. That's when it hit me... I am in denial! Oh my God! Everyone is always praising me for being "the hero" and not being like my mother, but I am her... She started with speed in her teens and then switched to alcohol...

I think what scares me the most is that I KNOW I have a problem, but I don't think I'm ready to stop. I wish I could just take the "normal" dose, but I can't, so I know I need to stop completely.

How will I be able to handle my twenty million responsibilities without it? I have always taken on way more than most people. People are always saying, "I don't know how you do it", and that's what drives me. I live to impress other people. I have very little self esteem (people usually don't believe me when I say that because I have always been "an overachiever"), and if I can't do it all, I will feel worthless.

I know I need to do something... but I can't get over that barrier of not wanting to disappoint people. I can't bare the thought of people's reactions if they found out that I'm not so "perfect". I really want to talk to my mom, but I don't want to interfere with her recovery.

Dee74

As there's already a thread for this elsewhere, and its all a bit confusing, I'll move the responses and direct folks there.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-entrance.html

D