Seaglass
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 7
Seaglass
Hello. I've just found this forum and I look forward to reading and sharing with you all. I'm 32, and first heard about ACOAs when I was in my mid twenties. At first it was a huge a relief, to know that there was this reason that I always felt that that I was not normal, that there was something horribly wrong with me. But lately I've been finding that, although I thought I had "stuff" largely under control, I have much more work to do.
By way of introducing myself, although i obviously don't write much poetry, I'd like to share with you a poem that I wrote quite some time ago.
Seaglass
Somebody broke me
although, I can't remember being whole.
But I wonder, since
I'm broken.
Does it mean I have a broken soul?
Somebody broke me
so please,
don't come so close.
They've left
my edges
sharp and mean.
I cut the one
who loves me
most.
I cut the one I love the most.
I touch him
and I cut him.
He backs away.
I understand.
It's best to leave me
in the sand. Well below the high-tide mark
where waves will wash me
out to sea. Where I will drift
the deepest dark.
Where sand and time
will work on me.
Somebody broke me.
No. It wasn't you.
But let me drown
for just a while
beneath an ocean
deeply blue.
By way of introducing myself, although i obviously don't write much poetry, I'd like to share with you a poem that I wrote quite some time ago.
Seaglass
Somebody broke me
although, I can't remember being whole.
But I wonder, since
I'm broken.
Does it mean I have a broken soul?
Somebody broke me
so please,
don't come so close.
They've left
my edges
sharp and mean.
I cut the one
who loves me
most.
I cut the one I love the most.
I touch him
and I cut him.
He backs away.
I understand.
It's best to leave me
in the sand. Well below the high-tide mark
where waves will wash me
out to sea. Where I will drift
the deepest dark.
Where sand and time
will work on me.
Somebody broke me.
No. It wasn't you.
But let me drown
for just a while
beneath an ocean
deeply blue.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there Seaglass, and welcome to SoberRecovery 
wow, what a deep and beautiful poem. I can clearly see the pain that was forced on you by living in a toxic family.
You mentioned that you heard about ACoA's some years ago, what are you doing about your "stuff" today? Are you working on any poems where the "sharp and mean" edges get turned into something healing and giving?
Me? I totally relate to your description of being broken. That's very much how I felt when I was young and just getting out of the insanity of my parents drinking. Not anymore. Al-anon and a couple good shrinks have helped me build a new life for myself so I can be comfortable with me and enjoy the world around me.
I'm glad you decided to join us.
Mike
wow, what a deep and beautiful poem. I can clearly see the pain that was forced on you by living in a toxic family.
You mentioned that you heard about ACoA's some years ago, what are you doing about your "stuff" today? Are you working on any poems where the "sharp and mean" edges get turned into something healing and giving?
Me? I totally relate to your description of being broken. That's very much how I felt when I was young and just getting out of the insanity of my parents drinking. Not anymore. Al-anon and a couple good shrinks have helped me build a new life for myself so I can be comfortable with me and enjoy the world around me.
I'm glad you decided to join us.
Mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 7
Thank you
Hello again and thank you. To my surprise, I still have a very long way to go.
Yes, I heard about ACOAs some years ago. I was struggling through undergrad, and was very depressed. I withdrew from nearly all of my classes to the point that I failed some of them. I wasn't exactly suicidal, I couldn't bear the thought of making my dad and brothers bury me. I just constantly wished that I didn't have to exist anymore, wished that I'd never been born. I went to a counselor at the university, thinking that I was just depressed and being disgustingly weak and undisciplined. She was very nice, gentle. But she was a stranger. She called me an ACOA. I didn't appreciate being referred to as an acronym. And although she explained in brief what it meant, and explained that it meant there was a lot of hope for me to become well, in my self-centered arrogance, I believed she clearly had no idea about me and that she was simply trying to file me into some neat little box. So I didn't return to her, even though she called once or twice.
A couple of years later, my baby brother, who was then about 18, started getting into bad trouble with the law and with drugs. It was then that I remembered something about ACOAs, and it was because of my little brother that I started to research it.
(Btw it is our mother primarily who has been a terrible alcoholic, verbally and physically abusive all our lives, (she would drag me around the house by my hair for example, beat us with bats, tell me that I ruined her life, that I should have been an abortion, etc.). To cope with my mother, my (step)dad, who also drank beer and smoked pot, but who was never nearly as bad as she, was always at work by day, and always out fishing at night. I was responsible for my two younger brothers. She has gotten continuously worse and worse every day. She's only in her early 50s, but I don't think she'll live much longer, and of course there is nothing I can do about it. I've tried and tried and tried.)
When I found the 13 characteristics of ACOAs, it was amazing. I cried my eyes out, overwhelmingly relieved to see in print that there was a whole group of people who felt they were not normal. I had always felt that there was something terribly wrong with me, and that no one could ever find out. Full of relief, I talked about it with some close friends who already knew about my mom. About how it was a turning point, a point of departure for me. There was a reason I was so f*cked up, and it wasn't just because I was born. I could finally move on and get on with my life.
For nearly five years now I've been in an amazing relationship with a man who has truly become my best friend. We have our moments, too, of course, from time to time. But I've learned to trust him. I know that he does not want to hurt me. I trust that he wouldn't say mean things just to hurt me. So I try to listen when he tells me stuff. And he has pointed some things out to me that I have suspected but haven't really been able to accept. That I have anger problems. That I still view things through a lens that is too "black and white." That even though I have a pretty good job now, that it seems that I have always, perhaps will always, come to hate any job that I have and the people that come with it.
The list goes on and on, but I won't.
There's a lot I need to work on. I plan on trying to find a counselor in my area who is familiar with addiction and the issues of ACOAs. But for once, it's nice to be part of the crowd. This is the first real step I've taken since reading the 13 all those years ago.
Thanks again.
Yes, I heard about ACOAs some years ago. I was struggling through undergrad, and was very depressed. I withdrew from nearly all of my classes to the point that I failed some of them. I wasn't exactly suicidal, I couldn't bear the thought of making my dad and brothers bury me. I just constantly wished that I didn't have to exist anymore, wished that I'd never been born. I went to a counselor at the university, thinking that I was just depressed and being disgustingly weak and undisciplined. She was very nice, gentle. But she was a stranger. She called me an ACOA. I didn't appreciate being referred to as an acronym. And although she explained in brief what it meant, and explained that it meant there was a lot of hope for me to become well, in my self-centered arrogance, I believed she clearly had no idea about me and that she was simply trying to file me into some neat little box. So I didn't return to her, even though she called once or twice.
A couple of years later, my baby brother, who was then about 18, started getting into bad trouble with the law and with drugs. It was then that I remembered something about ACOAs, and it was because of my little brother that I started to research it.
(Btw it is our mother primarily who has been a terrible alcoholic, verbally and physically abusive all our lives, (she would drag me around the house by my hair for example, beat us with bats, tell me that I ruined her life, that I should have been an abortion, etc.). To cope with my mother, my (step)dad, who also drank beer and smoked pot, but who was never nearly as bad as she, was always at work by day, and always out fishing at night. I was responsible for my two younger brothers. She has gotten continuously worse and worse every day. She's only in her early 50s, but I don't think she'll live much longer, and of course there is nothing I can do about it. I've tried and tried and tried.)
When I found the 13 characteristics of ACOAs, it was amazing. I cried my eyes out, overwhelmingly relieved to see in print that there was a whole group of people who felt they were not normal. I had always felt that there was something terribly wrong with me, and that no one could ever find out. Full of relief, I talked about it with some close friends who already knew about my mom. About how it was a turning point, a point of departure for me. There was a reason I was so f*cked up, and it wasn't just because I was born. I could finally move on and get on with my life.
For nearly five years now I've been in an amazing relationship with a man who has truly become my best friend. We have our moments, too, of course, from time to time. But I've learned to trust him. I know that he does not want to hurt me. I trust that he wouldn't say mean things just to hurt me. So I try to listen when he tells me stuff. And he has pointed some things out to me that I have suspected but haven't really been able to accept. That I have anger problems. That I still view things through a lens that is too "black and white." That even though I have a pretty good job now, that it seems that I have always, perhaps will always, come to hate any job that I have and the people that come with it.
The list goes on and on, but I won't.
There's a lot I need to work on. I plan on trying to find a counselor in my area who is familiar with addiction and the issues of ACOAs. But for once, it's nice to be part of the crowd. This is the first real step I've taken since reading the 13 all those years ago.
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by Seaglass 
.... I was struggling through undergrad... I just constantly wished that I didn't have to exist anymore, wished that I'd never been born..... .
Originally Posted by Seaglass
.... So I didn't return to her, even though she called once or twice .... .
Originally Posted by Seaglass
.... I was responsible for my two younger brothers..... .
Originally Posted by Seaglass
.... . There was a reason I was so f*cked up, and it wasn't just because I was born. I could finally move on and get on with my life..... .
Originally Posted by Seaglass
.... That I have anger problems. That I still view things through a lens that is too "black and white.".... .
Originally Posted by Seaglass
.... I plan on trying to find a counselor in my area who is familiar with .... .
Originally Posted by Seaglass
.... This is the first real step I've taken since reading the 13 all those years ago..... .
Mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 7
Tips for finding/interviewing a therapist?
Hello Everyone, I've made an appointment with a therapist for a consultation. Any tips on how to "interview" her would be greatly appreciated.
I am just trying to stick to the appointment I've made for Monday, although I've already been hearing the whispers rising, I don't really need to go, it's not that bad, I can do this by myself, I probably won't like her anyway. She probably isn't really qualified.... etc.
She claims to have experience working with both alcoholics and families of alcoholics. And she's an older woman with 15+ years of experience and is licensed. Is it "better" to have a therapist who is actually a Ph.D. in psychology?
I don't want to be rude to her. But I also don't want to waste my time.
Sorry, never done this before. Any help/suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks!
I am just trying to stick to the appointment I've made for Monday, although I've already been hearing the whispers rising, I don't really need to go, it's not that bad, I can do this by myself, I probably won't like her anyway. She probably isn't really qualified.... etc.
She claims to have experience working with both alcoholics and families of alcoholics. And she's an older woman with 15+ years of experience and is licensed. Is it "better" to have a therapist who is actually a Ph.D. in psychology?
I don't want to be rude to her. But I also don't want to waste my time.
Sorry, never done this before. Any help/suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Seaglass,
it sounds like you think that you should try this. I think that you will know, from your own store of knowledge of aca, whether she is going to be a help or not. And you have this site, to come to and share the experience, and lots of heads are a good thing.
I am so glad that we are here , to work things out.
thanks for your post on my post - hugs,
it sounds like you think that you should try this. I think that you will know, from your own store of knowledge of aca, whether she is going to be a help or not. And you have this site, to come to and share the experience, and lots of heads are a good thing.
I am so glad that we are here , to work things out.
thanks for your post on my post - hugs,
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