What am i?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
What am i?
First off i would like to say hello this is the first time i have posted in a recovery forum. Im an 18 year old drug addict im well aware of that, ever since i was 11 i have been. Over my life i have collected over 9 heart failures from respiratory depression because of my life style. a little over 3 years ago i was sober for 2 years, and have relapsed for over a year now.
I have done plenty of drugs that i wish i didn't, and plenty of things i cant forget.
As i got older and my body stopped growing i was left with plenty of defects in my bone structure and such, for example one leg is a around an inch shorter then the other.
Hell i even have a red eye that is always dilating and constricting independently to the other as well as going completely bloodshot.
Any way im whining to much about the past around 6 months ago i developed conversion disorder, which my doctor now calls somatization disorder. Yeah so i got paralyzed, blinded, had seizures, extreme pain and such wasnt that horrible i got by i lived with it fairly well.
Well i confronted the disorder and it subsided almost completely i still get random paralysis moments that last seconds but generally make me fall down.
Now the problem is catatonic seizures continue, my mood has become very unstable and i have begun to think things make plans for things that the next day make no sense or i can flat out call delusional, my memory has started to shrink to only very significant events, things like chores even eating cant be remembered.
Hallucinations started which we thought was an OCD manifest because i could make sense of the situation and generally deny it happened even though in the moment, my adrenaline is surging. Having OCD i could not stand not showering but now, i just cant care about it anymore.
I start wondering if im me anymore, if for some reason something is controlling me or if my somatization has found a new way to cripple me by taking my mind from me because it cant get me physically anymore. My doctor thinks anti psychotics are becoming necessary.
Just so everyone knows somatazation disorder is not hypochondria. Hypochondria is in the class of somatic disorders
When i was younger meth and adderall were my drugs of choice however its been 3 years since i used them.
I have done plenty of drugs that i wish i didn't, and plenty of things i cant forget.
As i got older and my body stopped growing i was left with plenty of defects in my bone structure and such, for example one leg is a around an inch shorter then the other.
Hell i even have a red eye that is always dilating and constricting independently to the other as well as going completely bloodshot.
Any way im whining to much about the past around 6 months ago i developed conversion disorder, which my doctor now calls somatization disorder. Yeah so i got paralyzed, blinded, had seizures, extreme pain and such wasnt that horrible i got by i lived with it fairly well.
Well i confronted the disorder and it subsided almost completely i still get random paralysis moments that last seconds but generally make me fall down.
Now the problem is catatonic seizures continue, my mood has become very unstable and i have begun to think things make plans for things that the next day make no sense or i can flat out call delusional, my memory has started to shrink to only very significant events, things like chores even eating cant be remembered.
Hallucinations started which we thought was an OCD manifest because i could make sense of the situation and generally deny it happened even though in the moment, my adrenaline is surging. Having OCD i could not stand not showering but now, i just cant care about it anymore.
I start wondering if im me anymore, if for some reason something is controlling me or if my somatization has found a new way to cripple me by taking my mind from me because it cant get me physically anymore. My doctor thinks anti psychotics are becoming necessary.
Just so everyone knows somatazation disorder is not hypochondria. Hypochondria is in the class of somatic disorders
When i was younger meth and adderall were my drugs of choice however its been 3 years since i used them.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Johnny,
Welcome to sr! I wish I knew more about some of the conditions you are describing, but I won't pretend that I do. I do have one question, though... you said 3 years ago you were sober for 2 years and have relapsed for one year, but then you said you haven't used your doc for 3 years. So what have you relapsed with then, if it's okay for me to ask?
Either way, I'm so glad you've found us. I hope you'll take the time to explore the forums, as there's a lot of great information here. I'm sure more will come along to post more helpful responses later.
Welcome to sr! I wish I knew more about some of the conditions you are describing, but I won't pretend that I do. I do have one question, though... you said 3 years ago you were sober for 2 years and have relapsed for one year, but then you said you haven't used your doc for 3 years. So what have you relapsed with then, if it's okay for me to ask?
Either way, I'm so glad you've found us. I hope you'll take the time to explore the forums, as there's a lot of great information here. I'm sure more will come along to post more helpful responses later.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by ladyamalthea 
Johnny,
Welcome to sr! I wish I knew more about some of the conditions you are describing, but I won't pretend that I do. I do have one question, though... you said 3 years ago you were sober for 2 years and have relapsed for one year, but then you said you haven't used your doc for 3 years. So what have you relapsed with then, if it's okay for me to ask?
Either way, I'm so glad you've found us. I hope you'll take the time to explore the forums, as there's a lot of great information here. I'm sure more will come along to post more helpful responses later.
Welcome to sr! I wish I knew more about some of the conditions you are describing, but I won't pretend that I do. I do have one question, though... you said 3 years ago you were sober for 2 years and have relapsed for one year, but then you said you haven't used your doc for 3 years. So what have you relapsed with then, if it's okay for me to ask?
Either way, I'm so glad you've found us. I hope you'll take the time to explore the forums, as there's a lot of great information here. I'm sure more will come along to post more helpful responses later.
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