Tealvertigo

First of all, I love my mom so much, and I will always be here to protect and help her, but I am still haunted by the memories of her not being there after the end of her second marriage, due to her being out gambling for hours on end. She is currently in a lot of credit card debt, and the truth is that if she never gambled so much, she would have more than enough money to cover her expenses. I don't know how much she spends when she gambles, but I know it is an outlet for her emotions and she spends more time at the casinos when she is upset or stressed.

But the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I am not addicted to gambling but I am addicted to shopping, and I am at a crossroads in deciding how to get help.

I want to attend group meetings, but I would also really like for her to go with me. She doesn't believe she has a problem but I can read her like a book; the emotional drawbacks of her gambling and her struggling.

I sort of blame myself for the stress that could have lead to her problem. All the times when I got high and wound up nearly passed out with her seeing me, my emotions as a teenager, etc. I feel like I don't have a right to feel blameless for her problem but I feel deserving of the guilt. If I was an easier kid growing up, this might have never happened.

So, I don't know what I'm asking for. I guess I want some enlightenment on what I can do to help, if there is anything.

DesertEyes

Hello Teal, and pleased to "meet" you

There's plenty you can do to help At the core, addictions are all the same. The "drug of choice" varies, but the fundamentals are the same. And so are the solutions.

The first thing to do is educate yourself about addiction in general, and yours in particular. You can start right here in SR reading the "sticky" posts at the top of each forum. You've been around SR for a bit, so you are familiar with recovery principles. You've mentioned in other posts that you are thinking of of attending Debtors Anonymous, which s exactly what I was going to suggest. Not only to help you get a handle on your own shopping addiction, but also to help you see your Mom's addiction from a different perspective.

You mentioned that you are haunted by your memories of your Mom not being there for you. Because of that, I don't think you're Mom would be able to patch up your relationship until she gets her own addiction under control. Likewise, I'm not sure your Mom would be willing to listen to anything you have to say until _your_ addiction is properly managed.

Whadya think?

Mike

SarahDoll

Oh, Teal, plesae don't blame yourself for your mom's problem! Sure, you could have been an easier child (most of us could say that, let's be honest), but she chose how she dealt with what life dealt her. You are not responsible for her choices. You didn't cause her problem, you can't change it, and you can't control it. You can certainly help create opportunities that invite HER to change and control it, but it's up to her to accept them. If she's not ready to change, nothing you can do is going to change happen.

Good for you, by the way, for recognizing where you need help and thinking about where to get it. It takes some of us such a long time to get there...

Good luck!