Coming Out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Pennsylvania. It's like Transylvania without the good times.
Posts: 16
Coming Out
I'm posting this in both the 'Friends and Family' and 'ACoA' forum because I'm honestly not sure where it would be better to post it.
About 2 months ago I found out I have Avoidant Personality Disorder stemming from Fearful Avoidant Attachment Disorder. I don't see the difference between the two personally, they sound almost identical. Basically what it means is that as much as I want people in my life (as friends or lovers) I am so convinced that everyone will hurt, betray, lie, and use me, that I am incapable of letting anyone get close to me. And I will, in fact, verbally attack anyone who I think is getting too close.
My parents are addicts. They have stolen from me, manipulated me and attacked me so many times throughout my life that I honestly don't think I know what normal is. And at this point I'm too scared to find out. My parent's Jeckyl and Hyde acts are the things of legend and you never really know what you're going to get. They will tear you to peices and then a few hours later, when they sober up, swear up and down it never happened, or that they were justified.
I finally decided to post because I read a post about people being judgemental in this forum and I felt like this would be a good time to 'come out' so to speak. I felt like I needed to say to anyone who might be listening that if your child has the blessing of having at least one sane parent, protect them.
Because it's more than being judgemental or feeling superior. It's even more than just wanting to have your say. I almost never want to have my say. Speaking in any kind of public place is not something I'm comfortable with. But I think most people truly don't understand just how severe the damage can be. Having an addict for a parent or caregiver can do more than frustrate you. More than make you furious.
Sometimes it breaks you. I destroyes things in you that no-one can heal.
About 2 months ago I found out I have Avoidant Personality Disorder stemming from Fearful Avoidant Attachment Disorder. I don't see the difference between the two personally, they sound almost identical. Basically what it means is that as much as I want people in my life (as friends or lovers) I am so convinced that everyone will hurt, betray, lie, and use me, that I am incapable of letting anyone get close to me. And I will, in fact, verbally attack anyone who I think is getting too close.
My parents are addicts. They have stolen from me, manipulated me and attacked me so many times throughout my life that I honestly don't think I know what normal is. And at this point I'm too scared to find out. My parent's Jeckyl and Hyde acts are the things of legend and you never really know what you're going to get. They will tear you to peices and then a few hours later, when they sober up, swear up and down it never happened, or that they were justified.
I finally decided to post because I read a post about people being judgemental in this forum and I felt like this would be a good time to 'come out' so to speak. I felt like I needed to say to anyone who might be listening that if your child has the blessing of having at least one sane parent, protect them.
Because it's more than being judgemental or feeling superior. It's even more than just wanting to have your say. I almost never want to have my say. Speaking in any kind of public place is not something I'm comfortable with. But I think most people truly don't understand just how severe the damage can be. Having an addict for a parent or caregiver can do more than frustrate you. More than make you furious.
Sometimes it breaks you. I destroyes things in you that no-one can heal.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 197
Thank you for your share Rianestorm, it is very powerful.
Are we irreparably (sp?) broken as acoas? I don't know, I'm not an expert, I hope not.
From what I have read though, it seems to be widely accepted that a child growing up with addiction has a far greater chance of becoming an addict; marrying an addict; being co-dependant; developing mental health problems or developing a personality disorder.
For me, I have suffered long-term depression and codependency. For my brother, extreme anxiety disorders and addiction.
I think awareness is the key - like everyone who posts on this forum, you have done the hard part in becoming aware. Once you are aware you can start the long journey of healing or recovery.
I wish you strength and hope, IWTHxxx
Are we irreparably (sp?) broken as acoas? I don't know, I'm not an expert, I hope not.
From what I have read though, it seems to be widely accepted that a child growing up with addiction has a far greater chance of becoming an addict; marrying an addict; being co-dependant; developing mental health problems or developing a personality disorder.
For me, I have suffered long-term depression and codependency. For my brother, extreme anxiety disorders and addiction.
I think awareness is the key - like everyone who posts on this forum, you have done the hard part in becoming aware. Once you are aware you can start the long journey of healing or recovery.
I wish you strength and hope, IWTHxxx
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