KatieKerry

My mother has 7 daughters and 3 sons and there is always some few of us not talking over something or other, some fights last a couple of months but some a couple of years. We grew up watching our parents fight and then not talk for a year or 2.........but would still have drunken fights at night so that's where we learned it all from. The problem now though is my mother is worse than any of us, she keeps the fights between us going, she bitc**s about one to the other and goes back and forth with tales that are only half true. She then rang me a few months back and blamed me for being the stirrer between 2 sisters who haven't spoken in 2 years. Luckily we all know what she's like so don't take much notice of what she says but even the fact that she does it is upsetting, why would you want your children at each others throats? I haven't spoken to her in a few months, one brother can't abide her, 2 other sisters don't speak to her and the rest just put up with her. Yet she thinks that we are the ones with the problem, she has never once in her life taken responsibility or blame for anything. About 10 years ago, she gave up the drink for 5 years (because the doc told her it would kill her if she kept drinking), and she became a kinda nice person in that 5 years, we were all friends with her.....and each other and used to stay with her a lot and she was a good laugh........but she's went back on the drink a couple of years ago again and one sister said it to her and her reply was "we either like it or lump it".

When we were small, she spent most of her time in bed drinking or out drinking, we never had dinners, we never had baths or our hair brushed, we were never told to brush our teeth (actually tooth brushes were never even bought), we were never told to do our homework, we were basically left to our own devices and most evenings ended up having cereal for dinner. Yet my mother can hold her head up and say what a great job she did rearing us all, as luckily we've all been strong enough to pull away from that kind of life, we're all doing well, have children who we love and adore and are well fed and being well educated and well cared for. It has all gone the opposite to how we were reared and if anyone comments to her how nice any of us are or how well we are doing she takes full credit for it. I tried telling her a few years ago how it really was but she wasn't having it, she said I had problems and I should sort myself out.

Thanks for listening....

KatieKerry

Hi UK62,

Just started therapy and doing all I can aswell to help myself but I know I need to vent this anger too and I know it will at some stage pass. My mothers childhood was completely different to mine, my grandparents didn't drink and were lovely people, all my uncle and aunts are fine..........my mother just went down a rocky road when she married my father! It happens I suppose.............it's just unfortunate for the children when both parents are alcoholics as there is then no backbone to the family.

chicory

i kind of had the same situation. but we determined NOT to ever be like our parents. Our outcome has NOTHING to do with how they raised us!
its more like we saw,in some wonderful folks who crossed our paths and touched our lives, how life should be . Thank God for the kindness and sensitivity of some of the people in the world. you never know how much it may affect some childs future.

Wascally Wabbit

My mom is 80 and has been sober for 30 years. She was a raging alcoholic in her child rearing days.
Funny thing is that quitting drinking only made her sober. It didn't change anything else. So, I keep a couple hours distance between us and I manage fine. She just has to act childish, and complain all the time.
But, we do get over it!

MaryAnn100

Hey KK,

Grew up listening to crazy arguments, constant threats to walk out by both parents, plates smashed against walls, beatings from all, even the poor dog got it off my oldest brother. My father was an easily angered man and highly strung and my mother turned me and my two brothers against him with all her bitching about him instead of teaching us respect. She loved her whiskey, complained she had no knickers to her sisters *no joke* and blamed my father but she always had her whiskey at the weekends. She would scream "I'm not a referee if i was arguing or getting beaten by my two older brothers, *five year gap between us*, sorry but isn't ensuring fair play between your children one of the main jobs for a mother and father too. I'm the only girl and was not taught how to bathe or groom which led to bullying and taunts at school and in the neighbourhood. Somehow though we were always spotless going to visit family. She played the victim and the lady to her family, she was anything but.

I also got from other people what life should be like. My dad's mother and my dad's sister were the source of love in my life and they thought me how to parent my two sons. I still miss my grandmother 23 years after her passing. My aunt got married and moved overseas. My mother's favourite pasttimes were putdowns and bad mouthing us to anyone that would listen except for my oldest brother who is the golden haired boy. She also played the he said or she said game with us. Both my parents have passed now and I'm sorry to say I only miss my father.

Today, just like when we were children there is no real love from my brothers. Mother you taught them how to be angry selfish men.

Thank you God for Leo and Rita.

Just had to vent.

Annette

MaryAnn100

Since I posted this the anger I felt has left me. Some really good things have happened since too. Really must be a HP I'm telling ya.

There was mention of a Beatle's Song on a forum I read today and I listened to "Let it be"......my mother's name was Mary.....I began to cry and now have really let go of the resentments and can remember the love and good stuff too.

I do miss you mam.

Annette (trying to work on recovery)

MMkM

Just comparing the stories and how the situations happened - they all are similar.

We had a loving Mom who took great care of us, but our parents fought in front of us a lot and she became a raging alcoholic when we grew up.

I know the mix of feelings and resentments. The regrets and then you can feel love for them and forgive them as you have done. You get to feel a wide range of emotions for the whole family (which for me has been exhausting).

The fighting and not talking for years still goes on with all four of us siblings now and we are middle aged.

Glad you got to more of a love and forgiveness today.