Today Is All I Have

Well I am beyond angry, disappointed, guilty and ashamed of myself. I was very content going to AA meetings, getting a temp sponser, making new healthy connections and yesterday I walked into a bar at 11 am and started drinking. Why is what I keep asking myself. WTF possessed me to walk into hell without stopping myself? I can honestly say I had real pressure in my head for 2 days because of some real problems yet I chose to drink. Knowing what I know and still going forward is making me feel very unhinged. Today is today I'm not drinking but I am still a drunk in body and soul. I am slowly painfully killing myself. I don't want to die. Where was my higher power? Did God turn his back on me?

Today Is All I Have

I finally got my call back from my temp sponser. She gave me an assignment and I return to AA tomorrow. I had a flash of insight after speaking with her. I looked at the word BELIVE as I typed it and realized for the first time in my life it Be-Live. So I need to really begin to say and Belive that I this program can work for me. I have been Alcoholic for a long time, much longer than sober. I want this badly. I will do whatever it takes. That's it. One day at a time. I beat myself up badly and frankly need to move on to a more constructive zone. Thank you for posting.

pinkgurl87

hun all you can do is get back up and start again. Don't blame your higher power , you choose to drink, not him, as avil said it's not like your HP would step down and stop you from drinking. Hang in there, you can do this keep fighting or recovery. Go to an AA meeting and talk it out. hugs...