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Had enough of the little yellow pills. Day 4 of CT



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Had enough of the little yellow pills. Day 4 of CT

Old 05-17-2010, 09:54 AM
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Had enough of the little yellow pills. Day 4 of CT

Sorry so long... but a little context

So here it goes.... I started using opiates about 5 years ago by prescription for a bad back. After about 3 or 4 months of refills (30permonth -7.5 vicoprophen) my primary physician sent me for an MRI and gave me a referral to a local PM clinic. At first, and for quite a while, all was going "pretty well" the pain from my bulging L4-L5 disc's was mostly under control as long as I took it easy and didn't do anything stupid. Well as time went on the medication started helping less and less. At first there was a good "buzz" the same that just about everyone get's on these things but of course that soon ended and the pain remained. Over the course of about 3 years I had multiple epidural injections, e-stem (electrical thingamajig) and a some rehab. Being only 34 (when all this started) surgery wasn't really an option. At first the injections got rid of most of the pain but it certainly didn't keep me from taking my medication which had been titrated up to 5-10/325 Norco's per day(150 per month). This went on for quite a while(3 yrs) until I started realizing that my PM Dr. seemed to be treating all of his patients like cattle. It would go like this: Make appointment, pay co-pay, see nurse, doc comes in for 22 seconds, write script, send home. refill 3 times and repeat.

On my last visit to PM 1 he told me that he was not getting paid for "treating" me (even though my insurance pays 100%) and that he was writing me my last script ( for 30 pills- down from 150) until I could get my account paid up (for some reason there was an outstanding balance that wasn't paid when my employer changed carriers). Anyway I was FURIOUS!!! I then asked my Primary to refer me to another clinic because it became obvious to me that the PM was more interested in the money my insurance was paying that actually helping me (other than masking the problem)

phase II

New PM, nice guy, asked lot's of questions seemed like he really wanted to get at the root of the problem. BUT he would NOT prescribe the pain med's at the rate that PM1 was. over night he cut me back to 90 per month or 3 a day. I tried to follow his orders but the pain and cravings were TOO MUCH. I called and told them my issues and he prescribed some clonodine to help me "taper" down to 3 per day. Well..... that did not work. I kept taking them at the previous level (and many times more) and like just about everyone here, the script did not last near long enough. Unfortunately, an acquaintance of mine had some that he would "sell" me. I told my self "just this once" until I could get down to the prescribed level. uhhhhhh NOPE! kept on buying to make up the shortage and managed to get myself up to 6-8 10/325's per day. YIKES! can you say slippery slope?

well last Thursday May, 13 2010, I said I'M DONE! I have 2 children under the age of three, a great wife, great job and I'm not going to screw this up. I was SO TIRED of taking pills, and getting no relief that I decided if I was going to be in pain, I might as well be clean and in pain. so I just QUIT! Thursday at 9pm I took my last pills. The first night wasn't too bad, the next day was worse, the next night AWFUL, day after that I was surprised at how bad I didn't feel(during the day) still can't sleep for ****, toss and turn for hours at a time, lucky to sleep maybe 2-3 hours per night since last Thurs. RLS is the worst and the anxiety is certainly not fun.

What really got me was when My 2 1/2 year old daughter climbed up in my lap and asked me why I felt so bad, I told her "I'll tell you about it someday but I'm doing something for YOU your brother, and MOMMY". Of course she didn't understand (she knows daddy has a bad back) but she just smiled said thank you and gave me a big kiss. That's all I needed to push on...

Wish me luck I'm on my 4th full day now so I feel like the worst of it should end soon.

Thank God in heaven for really really hot showers. The BIG question occupying my mind now is how am I going to deal with my actual chronic pain problem WITHOUT medication. guess I'll just learn to DEAL WITH IT!


thanks for listening.. this place has been a great source of inspiration
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:45 AM
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I would suggest you go to a NA meeting. It helped me and I was taking opiates so wish you the best of luck.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:00 PM
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Hi justdealwithit

Welcome to SR, and congrats on your clean time.

If you haven't seen them yet we also have another forum you may be interested in looking at as well

Recovery and Pain Management - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hope to see you around some more
D

Last edited by Dee74; 05-17-2010 at 08:19 PM.
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Old 05-17-2010, 06:35 PM
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Thanks wonderful news! Congrats on making such a great decision!

I know exactly what you mean I was a total pill freak for five years and have been clean for nearly 6 months now and its amazing how much more clear your thinking can be. I know for me posting here at SR and NA meeting were a huge help in staying sober. I know when people would call me trying to sell pills after I had quit it was so HARD to keep the right mindset.

Maybe try some tea, drink lots of water or Gatorade, take hot showers, work out (if you aren't too sick) all of those things helped me through my physical withdraws. It gets better from there.

Good for you keep posting and let us know how you're doing : )
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Old 05-17-2010, 06:52 PM
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I so wish I had done what you are doing 6 years ago. I lost sooooo much by letting my pill addiction explode. I was taking the same amount you were - 8 10mg Vicodin/day and no matter what I did my addiction just kept getting worse. I was 1 cm from losing everything. THANK GOD you made your decision. I highly recommend going to a few NA meetings. The support you will find is amazing and you just might need it in upcoming days and months.

Your children are truly blessed. As a recovering addict and a teacher, I can't tell you how much addiction hurts our children. Two children poured their hearts out to me last week about their addicted parents fighting. STAY STRONG and do not give in. You have two beautiful people + wife (I am sure she is wonderful too) that need you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love
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Old 05-17-2010, 08:09 PM
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Justdealwithit,
Thanks for your post. I feel for you as I also have chronic back pain. Spondylolisthesis grade 2 at L5 which means my lower disc has slipped off of my tail bone by 50%. Herniated disc at L4 and degenerative disc disease. Been through all the same treatments as you.... Epidural injections, physical therapy and all. I've been on 4 - 7.5 Hydros/ day for about 3 years now. I still have pain but the meds allow me to function but that's about it. My spine Doc has offered me Fentanyl patches but I don't want to increase the pain meds in any way. I have an addictive personality... Went through a 2 year cocaine addiction in my late 20's, I'm 50 now. I know that if I increase my pain meds, there is no way for me to return back so I just live with a certain amount of pain and get by. I'm much older than you and surgery may be my only option at some point. Living on pain meds sucks and I'd like to find an alliterative as you would. I'm new to SR and going to check out the links that Dee posted.
I just wanted to post to say that I can relate to your struggle with back pain. Your story was very encouraging. Please keep posting about your progress.
Thanks,
Mark
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:46 PM
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well... I'm wide awake but still pill free!!!!!

I really appreciate the encouraging words that have been given openly and via PM. I know I'm going to do this. Oddly enough this is the 1st time in my 5 years of regular use that I've even TRIED to quit. Sure... early on it wasn't everyday, but I can't really remember when it changed. I'm pretty sure when my Dr. prescribed them, my brain told me "hey, doctor's orders" right? I just hope and pray that I don't end up a statistic and relapse in a few months because my back pain becomes unbearable. I really am worried about that part. I had a buddy come over tonight and we played a bunch of pool here at the house. (it's my passion) Towards the end of the night my back really started acting up but I just tightened my little elastic back support and tried not to think about it.

I scheduled an hour long deep tissue massage in the morning and I hope regular visits, coupled with some solid physical therapy, just might ease the pain and discomfort. guess we'll see. I have told my parents, my close friends at work, and a couple of my close personal friends what I'm attempting to do. It's kinda funny how NO ONE even suspected that I was taking way more than I should have, prescribed or not. They all knew that I suffered from chronic back pain and was under the care of a Dr. so I guess they thought all was well. I don't even feel embarrassed to tell folks. I just want to get my old self back. I used to be funny, and really enjoyed life, but lately I've just been zapped. there are so many things I need to do around the house that It'll probably take the next year to get caught up. I'm sure my wife will be pleased...

Tonight I actually feel a little tired and my legs don't really feel like rubber bands. of course I haven't actually tried to go to sleep yet. guess we'll see

Keep me in your prayers PLEASE. I really am determined to kill this freaking monkey!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-18-2010, 05:29 AM
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Hang in there my friend, it gets better. I finally had enough of these as well and quit cold turkey, after 6 years of doing 6, 80OC's a day, following my script, never taking more.
I am now on Day 23 and am finally back to 100% achy free.
Best decision i ever made in my life, and under no circumstances will ever go back to them again.
I have much more important things in my life, such as my 5 year old son!
I am not lying when i tell you i do not even think of them anymore, i am done.
I could have done the Suboxone route, but i wanted to do it Cold Turkey, so i could feel the pain, and appreciate it, as weird as that sounds, but true!
I now have a lawsuit against my Dr. for telling that these things were not addictive~!
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Old 05-18-2010, 06:59 AM
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I would suggest you try to get to an NA meeting and find some good, sober support to help you in your battle. the biggest thing for me with na is that, unlike family members, counselors, etc, the people there truly understand my struggles. with that said, good luck!
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Old 05-18-2010, 07:50 AM
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Oxykillin.... I hear you on the CT. I thought about trying to taper, or switch to a another opiate and try to work my way down from there.... But, like you, I figured I had a much better chance of never going back if I actually suffered for my stupidity. All in all it hasn't been as bad as I thought (from reading others experiences) I've certainly had insomnia, RLS, achy muscles and a little bowel trouble but that's pretty much it. Very little cravings, no nausea, and the pain in my back actually is not too bad. I'm sure the pills had my pain threshold jacked to the point that every little thing hurt like hell. I think my body appreciates the vacation. I was actually up before my wife today, showered, had the kids up, dressed, and even had my morning coffee. THAT HASN'T HAPPENED IN YEARS Damn it feels good. Just gotta keep keeping on.

one thing I forgot to mention that actually kinda scared me straight...

the "acquaintance" that had been supplying the "gap" medication didn't have my usual 10/325 norco this last go around. But they did have 10mg methadone. Of course I bought them because I certainly didn't want to be without anything. Long story short, I started reading about them, dosage and what not, and I was absolutely SCARED S###LESS! Over my 5 years of pain management, the Dr. switched me from vicoprophen, to 5mg hydro, to 10 mg hydro, to Avenza(30 mg morphine time release) to 2mg dilaudid, but the 10/325 seeemed to work the best with the least amount of side effects... yeah right!

Anyway, just the "idea" of taking methadone freaked me out and I never put a single one in my mouth. I guess I'm a big puss! probably best choice I've made other than quitting CT

Day 5 here we come!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-20-2010, 04:19 PM
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oxykillin and just deal with it you are very inspirational. I am on day 4 of absolutley no percocet. I you have given me a new confidence that has definatley pushed me thru tonight and will be in my mind tomorrow. So thank you
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Old 05-21-2010, 09:37 AM
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Justdeal - sounds like you have an awesome family worth fighting for...the story about your daughter was very sweet I certainly understand the horror of coming off the pain meds c/t, esp. when you're still dealing with chronic pain.

My fiancé and I have both been through what you are dealing with now...his story is very similar to yours...and he did end up on Methadone. He is 29 y/o and has pretty severe degenerative disc disease (his dr compared the level of damage to an 80 y/o man - eck, not good at all!) Like you, he has run the gamut of treatments (rehab, epidurals, e-stim, adjustments - you name it) and meds (vics, percs, oxy, fentanyl patches.) He'd finally had it with the PM doctors (def. has the same theory as you re: being treated like cattle!) and found a doctor he really trusted. He was rx'ed Methadone for pain - so he was getting a month's rx at a time. It did help with the pain and he was able to stay at a steady dosage with a moderate amount of long-term relief, however, he really hated the side effects and decided he wanted off the meds for good. Long story short, he tapered off the methadone and has been opiate free for about 3 months now.

Now, my fiancé (and I) have both been through opiate taper/detox MANY times and I will tell you -- at least for him --- Methadone w/d was the most unbearably horrific thing either one of us has ever gone through (and he went down as low as 5 mg before stepping off.) I'm not saying it's an awful medication --- it did it's job when he needed it --- but I'm not sure it was worth it after witnessing the inhumane torture he endured trying to come off it!!! I won't lie and say his original pain hasn't come back since he's been off the meds, but he is doing what he can to control it.

I wish you the best of luck and please stay strong, b/c you can get through this! You mentioned it here, but I think it's important to reiterate that years of taking opiate medications for pain can most def. sensitisize us and make us not only hyper-aware of ANY pain, but also make pain that should be tolerable (or would be tolerable to someone who is opiate-naivé) alot more difficult for us to deal with. It will take time, but once you've gotten some 'opiate free' time under your belt, it should get easier to deal with.

Lastly, I know that your family is a big motivator for you, which is awesome....are you doing anything else to maintain your recovery and sobriety? NA and AA (or any one of the many recovery-based support groups out there) are very helpful....you'll meet alot of good people who understand what you're going through!!! Good Luck!!!
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