Working step 3
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Mass, Northshore
Posts: 9
Working step 3
Control has always been an issue with me. I prided myself on being in control or rather seemingly in control of 'things'. In reality I was in control of menial things in my life but emotionally out of control. I can be a big advice giver when given the opportunity and that was something that allowed temporary self justification. I didn't realize this was a form of control until I began working the steps. I was the fixer of my family dysfunction. Constantly giving advice to my mother hoping my father would listen too. Past relationships were always based on me rescuing someone and trying to change them.
Reading step 3 allowed me to realize for the first time how all this was an attempt at being in control. It never brought happiness or peace of mind but perpetuated the cycle of dysfunctional thinking and acting out. Maybe it served to keep the focus off of me and the pain I worked so hard at not confronting. I do see myself as running from things all my life yet keeping up appearances on the outside. Tired of doing this and really want to let go of controlling behavior.
Step 3 is presented as a bottomless well and looking at it from this perspective helps me understand my HP is always there for me.
Reading step 3 allowed me to realize for the first time how all this was an attempt at being in control. It never brought happiness or peace of mind but perpetuated the cycle of dysfunctional thinking and acting out. Maybe it served to keep the focus off of me and the pain I worked so hard at not confronting. I do see myself as running from things all my life yet keeping up appearances on the outside. Tired of doing this and really want to let go of controlling behavior.
Step 3 is presented as a bottomless well and looking at it from this perspective helps me understand my HP is always there for me.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
The only person we have control over is ourselves. I used to think I didn't even have that!
But, with a little patience and practice, you learn how to control your thinking, and your response to others.
One of my bosses is a control freak. He demands control over everyone and everything. He yells, pitches fits, and generally makes everyone miserable. It's his way of "controlling" people. Most workers live in fear of him. Not me, I learned to tune his "anger" out. Eventually he learned that nothing he could yell, at least to me, would make me respond in a scared or fearful manner. THat would make him feel oh so powerful!
Instead, I just stand there as calm as a summer breeze. He no longer has "control" over me.
This is how we learn to respond to alcoholics or drug addicts or anyone with an attitude problem I don't have to be part of their insanity.
Keep up the good work. Learning to live a normal peaceful takes a little practice, but once you "get it", you will LOVE yourself and your life.
But, with a little patience and practice, you learn how to control your thinking, and your response to others.
One of my bosses is a control freak. He demands control over everyone and everything. He yells, pitches fits, and generally makes everyone miserable. It's his way of "controlling" people. Most workers live in fear of him. Not me, I learned to tune his "anger" out. Eventually he learned that nothing he could yell, at least to me, would make me respond in a scared or fearful manner. THat would make him feel oh so powerful!
Instead, I just stand there as calm as a summer breeze. He no longer has "control" over me.
This is how we learn to respond to alcoholics or drug addicts or anyone with an attitude problem I don't have to be part of their insanity.
Keep up the good work. Learning to live a normal peaceful takes a little practice, but once you "get it", you will LOVE yourself and your life.
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