Wascally Wabbit

I work with someone I considered my friend. You know, a work friend. We don't socialize outside work. She's a good person and has a stable family and a darn good worker.
Here's the problem. I'm her boss.

She's always mad at another employee who shares the same position she does only in a different dept. Always complaining about every tiny detail.

Today this other employee tells everyone he's suffering from a staph infection on his hip. And it's draining and getting on his pants.
I say I don't want to catch it. I make him understand that I DO NOT WANT TO CATCH IT. He claims he's been to the doc and got an antibiotic shot for it.

The problem comes when everyone else in the building finds out he's got this staph.

Now, all of a sudden, she blows up on me for treating the poor thing so "bad". She tells me her dad has had it for years and if I treated the employee like that, I would probably treat her dad that way too. She even calls her dad and has this loud conversation about how staph is not contagious unless you touch the person's sore.

I sat there stunned. Expressionless with the exception of eyebrows that drew together at my nose.

So now she's "protecting him".
What ever, I think to myself, but this blow up really upset me. No one would ever know it because I showed no emotion.
I told her that I do not care. I do not want to catch it. She is welcome to her opinion.

Now I don't want this "friendly" relationship with her, only a completely professional one. But, this is difficult. How do you just tell someone that you no longer wish to listen to another complaint about the guy she's now sticking up for?

I wanted to smoke so bad after that. I quit 8 months ago. I was even visualizing having a really smooth Manhattan martini with that smoke. Like that would help!!
But seriously, I am feeling like I need booze. I know I won't actually drink, or smoke. I just hate being in this position.

Don't get me started about how yet another employee has it in BAD for the staph guy. She and her hate him.
Now this little twist.

How should I respond to all this BS? How should I treat this woman I thought was my "friend"?

I don't feel any animosity toward her, just confusion and slight anger that she would suddenly turn on me like this.

And I won't mention how my mother is really trying to get me to let her move in.

I am feeling very alone.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.

roxiestone

You do not have to respond to her in any way. You do not have to explain anything to her. You do not have to do or say anything to cause drama. You get to just be done. Not in a snitty way, just in a done way. You can walk away, change the subject when it's not about work. That's all.

You cannot change the situation, nor can you change how she feels or acts. But you can control the drama YOU bring.

I'm sorry this has happened.

barb dwyer

Wascally -

You don't 'have' to do anything to respond to her - YOU are the boss!

What I picked up on in this was that it's probably brought up 'old Wabbit' defense energy.
Dunno why I didn't just call it a 'trigger' but ... what the hell.
I know when something gets MY adrenaline going -
That's when I start thinking of a drink to 'calm the nerve.'

And you didn't pick up either.

What a GOOD bunny!!!:ghug3

*I* wouldn't want to catch a staff infectioneither.
And were he in MY department - I'd be getting some information about
protecting other employees in my area and charge who might become
exposed, as well.
Not so much for the staph, but for this little thing called 'MRSA'...
nasty little hitchhiker, that stuff.

Because I'm not a healthcare worker.
I don't have to be.

ANYHOW-

I think you're owed an apology -
one that is every bit as public as the outburst.
And that's what I'd say to her if she starts being 'friendly'.

Sucking up to me because I'm the boss is one thing.

Bottom line:

"Friends" don't talk to me that way.
You... did.
So: you are obviously not a friend.

Funny- same thing with me, hon:

If you're my 'friend'...I will let you get away with an outburst like that.

If you're an associate at work - !?!?!?
A SUBORDINATE on top of it?!?!?!

I'd be in your doodoo with both feet.
Cold. Clean kill.
I'm ruthless in business situations, though.

I'm trying to let you know through all this ramble...
I do the same thing, hon.
i've had to teach myself what i will,
and what I will not allow from 'friends'.

because I learned that -
I was mistaking hurtful manipulative users
with what a 'friend' was supposed to be.
Like I'd mistaken pain and fear and indifference
for love.
It's what we learn at home, isn't it?


Just another aspect where we
let the dependency dictate
what surrounds us
and what we attract and cultivate in our relationships.

suki44883

I agree with those who said you do not have to respond in any way. You already said that you two don't socialize outside of work, so it shouldn't be that big a deal. Sometimes, just knowing that someone isn't what they pretended to be is enough. It's not necessary to let them know we know. I think Roxie hit the nail on the head.

tromboneliness

I don't have a great deal to say about the ACA aspects, but...

My mother died of a MRSA infection, and as far as I'm concerned, the employee should be told that he is not to set foot in the office until the infection is gone. Too bad about his self-esteem or whatever.

T

DesertEyes

Hey there Wabbit, have a ((( hug )))

You sure have a lot of different stuff piling up on you all at the same time

I dunno about you, but anything involving "trust" with another person, whether it be personal or work, brings up a whole bunch of ACoA "triggers" for me. What works for me is to set up my boundaries and _prevent_ the issues from coming up.

Specifically, I don't make friends at work. Never. Ever. For exactly the situation you are in. I make my friends outside of work, and I make that clear in words and actions. When I stick to that boundary, I have _no_ problems at work, whether as a boss or as an employee. A few times I have let my boundary down, and it's always been a mess.

As far as the guys' infection; having once been a boss my suggestion is to just follow the rules. If you work for a big company call up the HR department and let them figure it out. If not then have the guy get a "release" from his doctor stating that he is okay to be at work.

How should you treat the woman? The way any boss treats any employee that's creating drama and chaos. Call the employee into your office and give them a verbal warning for disrupting the work place and making medical diagnosis without a physicians license. Then you write down in her file that you have her that verbal warning.

You mention that you are feeling very alone. Well yeah, with all this stuff going on of course you're going to be feeling that. So what advice do you give the rest of us when one of _us_ is feeling alone and ganged up on? You tell us to get out of the house, to find a meeting, to go to the park, treat ourselves special, perhaps a bubble bath.

Personally, I think it's _awesome_ that you didn't smoke or drink over this. That is fantastic recovery there

The way I see it, I am doing for me and my "inner child" what my toxic parents never got around to doing. A little validation, a little recognition, a touch of TLC, and I feel a whole lot better. Whadya think?

Mike

Wascally Wabbit

Thank you everyone. I appreciate every single reply.
Today I was pensive, quiet and reserved. The coworker was pleasant.
I have made up my mind NEVER to be "friends" with anyone at work ever again.
I have also learned from the replies that:
1. Have a boundary. I don't know why I let such an important thing slip.
2. Never make friends with coworkers, they will eventually stab you in the back.

If there's anything else you can think of, please post!!
Thanks again.