findmyway

I have a tendancy to pick addicts to have relationships with and I know that it stems from my family history, my mother is a drug addict/alcoholic, as was my stepfather. My own father passed away when I was a baby, so I have no other "family."
I hate having an addict for a mother. HATE.
I am the responsible one..the rescuer. I have taken care of my mom my whole life. Finally when I had my own kids- I cut her off. Unless shes contacted me because she needs something. Its just that it is really lonely not having any mother father anyone in my life and it makes me really angry. My mom was adopted, (my biological grandparents died in the 80s- both were also drug addicted).
Just wondering if anyone else can relate? I find myself trying to explain all the time why I have no relatives..its embarrasing. And after how ANGRY I am at her...I go and get involved with an addict. I could kick myself.
I am really uneducated in being a child of and alcoholic/addict parent- after reading the links at the top of the forum I was shocked at how well those facts described me, now how do I go about "fixing" me?????

Insulated

oh dear. yes my D-ABF was in a very similiar non family. His mother was in foster homes, alcoholic, anorexic, drugs, failed marriage. He was always making excuses for her and blah blah blah. She left his father when he was a baby, and the man still hasn't come forward, not even to his sons funeral. The stepfather wasn't anything but a gangsta and drank, did drugs, thug life. The half brother? In prison. My guys mother died. He had no one. He'd had three kids with two women in the course of 14 years, but those relationships didn't exists either. So, no mom, no dad, half brother in prison. Yep, I was it. His aunt and great grandparents and cousins live in another part of the country, but are very very very distant and didn't send acknowledgement at holidays or things like that. So, essentially he was an orphan. He complained all the time and it was a pitywhore kind of thing. He wasn't embarrassed. Just felt jipped, robbed, void of something. I believe it was at the center of his addiction. Not really knowing where he fit.

GingerM

My relationship with my mother is all but non-existent. I interact with her in the same way I'd interact with someone in line at the grocery store - civil, but that's it.

My relationship with my father is tenuous. He's threatened to never speak to me more times than I can count.

My relationship with my sister is strained and becoming moreso on seemingly a daily basis. She still believes that everything is my parents' fault and she has no control over who she is or how she behaves. As I move further into recovery, I leave her further behind.

I have one uncle who I met once when I was 3 and has not spoken to my family since. Another uncle who I haven't spoken to since his mother died nearly 20 years ago. An Aunt who I haven't spoken to since the same funeral. 2 cousins who live in the state who I haven't spoken to since before that funeral.

My biological family is so full of fissures and cracks, its amazing to me that it's still held together as well as it has.

You are not alone in this. In fact, you would be surprised at just how many people like you there are in the world - they just don't talk about it much.