Melisku

Of whom we live with.
i'm new here and am hoping for some insite and advice.

My husband has been in the military for most of his adult life and recently finished his contract and got out. With the economy being as bad as it is he had a hard time finding a job so we ended up having to move in with his mother. Because he hasnt been "home" in years he really had no idea how bad his mother had gotten or maybe because he grew up with it he didnt see it as being a problem. I on the other hand thankfully had a really good childhood so the things she says and does really gets to me. Oh I'll also mention that we have a 10 month old as well. She is a high functioning alcoholic who also works to get away from things. I'd say 2 out of the days a week she is ok to live with... Other days I try not to have conversations with her cause I know it will end up with me doing or saying something wrong to her and she will get mad and runs to my husband.

I'm sorry if that didnt make sense.

I am terrified of what my daughter sees and hears from her....I see what she has done to my husband and I dont want that for her....I also seem to be her punching bag, the one to blame for all her problems. I have panic attacks when she goes near my child but my husband seems fine with it cause to him her behavior is normal.

I don't really know what my question is...we have at least another year of living with her and I need to beable to be happy and I don't want our marriage to hurt because of her.

GingerM

It sounds to me like what you're saying is that you were plunged into an environment that you have no idea how to cope with and no tools for dealing with. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I think your best bet at this time is to look up Al-Anon online, see if there's a meeting you can attend regularly. Ask them for literature and tips. Make sure to tell them that you've never dealt with this before.

To keep your sanity, you will need to disengage from your MIL. You'll need to set very definitive boundaries and you will have to defend those boundaries with an iron will. She will not listen to reason, she will not behave rationally - that is the nature of alcoholics. Al-Anon can give you the tools.

If you don't want to tell anyone where you're going, say you joined a book club that meets once a week (and keep a book handy) to meet new people.

Even just reading the information that AlAnon provides may be useful to you. Without having more specific incidents to address, I think this is the most helpful advice I can give you. When you go to the meeting, ask for a sponsor and make sure they understand that you've never lived with or dealt with an alcoholic and you have no how to start doing so now.

I also recommend that you read the 'sticky' at the top of this forum entitled "Bill of Rights for ACoAs" That may help you also. The real issue here is that you don't understand the mindset of the alcoholic, and therefore can make no sense of the behavior because the behavior makes no sense (part of understanding them).

I wish you luck.

Melisku

Thank you! thats exactly what I was trying to get at.