RPW

Hi,

As an ACoA, I'm looking to get as much information on the subject as possible. What I would like is for the people that use this forum to contribute with suggestions regarding books, articles and webpages that could give me a deeper understanding of this huge topic.

I'm not overly ecstatic with the whole "hugs" and softly, softly culture -this is my own personal preference; I'm not a huge fan of sharing (a typical ACoA thing, I'm told)-, whilst, if I'm being honest, the 12 step approach leaves me a little cold. What I would prefer are texts or books, written by psychologists or other such professionals, that you may consider indispensable to an ACoA. I'm not looking for life-changing literature, rather texts that will help me to examine my past, present and future from other viewpoints.

I'm fairly new to all this, so any help will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for your time, and best of luck on your recovery.

GiveLove

RPW,

In light of your clarifications about what you do and do not need, I'm not certain what we can provide that a Google search would not do equally well.

BUT if it is personal experiences you would like shared, I can tell you that Janet Woititz's books, especially Struggle for Intimacy, benefitted me a great deal in my early efforts toward healing. For me (also a left-brain learner) she provided a good balance between compassion and action. Her ACOA Sourcebook helped with alternate resources as well.

However, the most helpful tools I received were from a counselor who specialized in working with adult children of alcoholics. They were tailored to me, and took into account my personal beliefs, wishes, and resistance. You may want to explore that avenue as well.

Good luck, whatever path you choose.

RPW

Givelove,

Thanks. I was looking at JW's books last night, and they have been on my wishlist since then, I was looking in particular at "Adult Children of Alcoholics".

Also, the reason for my original question was because Google is so huge, I got a bit lost trying to find something other than the 13 most common Characteristics of an ACoA; so I thought that maybe someone here could help?!?

I'm currently working in a abroad, and I don't speak the language well enough to enable me to go a counsellor, or meetings. I would like to share my experiences, but doing so in an open forum is not something I would feel comfortable doing.

Thanks again!

GiveLove

Excellent. If there are any specific questions or wonderings that you think others could help with, RPW, please always feel free to post them here. I think this particular forum has a good mix of inner and outer work (feelings AND actions), both of which are needed in order to work through the obstacles of being ACOA, in my humble opinion. Glad you found us.

DesertEyes

Hi there RPW, and pleased to "meet" you

One of my favs is "From Survival to Recovery"

Amazon.com: From Survival to Recovery: Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home (9780910034975): Al-Anon Family Group Head Inc: Books

Mike

RPW

Thanks Mike. That's another on the list. Please to meet you also.

Generally, what I'm looking for is advice regarding getting over a few of the characteristics that ACoA have. I've identified a number of them that I think are having detrimental effects on my relationships with people, and I would like to work on.

This is all very new to me, so any advice would be great.

GiveLove

Hi RPW,

Are you able to articulate for us where you're having the most trouble? If you are comfortable talking about it, we may be able to point you toward specific conversations we've had around relationships, intimacy, conflict, the workplace, etc. I often turn back to them when I feel my ACOA tendencies rearing their (extremely) ugly heads.

The great thing about this forum is the ability to post, "This is what happens when I...." and out of the woodwork come people who have experienced the same thing -- and who have worked through it in different ways. A real treasure for me.

RPW

Hi Givelove,

Well, I've started on this little quest at the behest of my girlfriend, as she sees quite a bit in me that should be a little more relaxed, or just "lighter", I suppose.

Anyway, I began looking about, and quite a bit of what I was reading seemed, to me, to ring true. The things that struck me close to the bone were the constant seriousness or lack of emotion, the super-responsibility, the lying or excuse making and the intimacy issues. As well as some other issues regarding my alcoholic parent.

This is the starting point from which I would like to tackle these problems. I've now got targets - which I ignored before - and I would like to address them constructively.

I hope that this answers your questions.

All the best

GiveLove

You're doing a great job, RPW. Do you agree with your girlfriend, or are you just doing this to appease her? I can say that I fit your list to a "T" when I first started seeking help for myself. Reading, writing, journaling, learning, counseling, connection -- these small things added up over time and helped transform me. I went from the person my childhood had created (the "default" me), to the person I wanted to be instead

RPW

Hi Givelove,

Yup, I agree with my girlfriend. She's not talked me into thinking the way I do, rather it's the seeking help is what she's pushing at. Which I can understand completely.

Hopefully I can achieve what you have. I have a goal for myself now, rather than just reacting to circumstances...