takincareome

A quick recap: Things came to a head between codie mom and me when I refused to give her more money so she could continue to make bad financial choices. Things haven't been the same since -- which isn't a bad thing at all. But things have been tense. Some of you knew I was freaking out about telling her DH and I are heading to Europe later this month, seeing as how that would mean I am a selfish and ungrateful daughter who has enough money to jaunt around Europe and can't even help her own mother. In her eyes, anyway.

I talked to her yesterday -- our phone conversations are few and far between these days, which is fine. At one point we talked very nearly every day. She got a job, finally, hallelujah. But I started noticing something during our talk. There is no, "How are you? How is DH? What are you up to? How's work?" Nothing like that. She doesn't talk TO me, she talks AT me. And it's Me Me Me Me Me.

I happened to mention I was on the way to the Dr. (routine stuff) and she asked what for, but didn't spend much time discussing it. Oh, and she DID say, not-quite-snidely, "Your trip to Europe sure does sound nice." Yes, I replied, it will be very nice and we're excited about it. I do confess that I felt compelled to point out what a good deal we got on it, which isn't any of her business. I'm angry at myself for that because I don't have to justify ANY of this to her.

But I'm just still annoyed with her after the conversation. I'm wondering if she has always been this self-centered and I just never saw it with my ACOA goggles on (thanks dothi). I'm thinking the answer is probably yes.

Iwanttoheal

I don't think you should be angry at yourself - remember progress not perfection. Looks to me as if you are progressing just nicely - awareness of how we are interacting is a very big step in the right direction,

IWTHxxx

dothi

Just like any insane person, don't take it personally if you can help it. My codie mom is also so tunnel-visioned on the drama AF generates that her ability to notice anything else is pretty much vestigial now. You can almost hear those rusty gears clicking when she woodenly remembers to ask, "so how are things?" after a fluidly-smooth rant about the latest dysfunctional-behavior-based dramatic scoop.

If it still upsets you to talk to her, it's a sign that your expectations for your relationship are still too high. Take it easy on yourself. You're still coming to terms and grieving with the mom you don't have.