Marigolds

Worthyoflove's post about alcoholics jealousy has helped me make so much sense out of my IL's behavior, and explains so much.

One of the things FIL has always said to my H was now that he was married into a "professional" family my H has to "watch himself." Watch himself for what, I have no idea!

I never understood why my FIL was like that, our families are from very similar backgrounds, my dad just works in an office. I never thought it was a big deal, and my dad is very, very humble. I could never figure out why FIL would be so mean to him. My dad is pretty much loved by our entire community. (Oddly enough FIL seems scared of my mom - lol!)

Now I see that FIL is always on guard looking out for people that might possibly think they're better than FIL. Oh my gosh, this makes so much sense!

I almost feel sorry for FIL.

My poor H, he managed to get away from them and do pretty well with his life, and he can't figure out why they'll never be happy with him.

I wonder what the healthiest way is to deal with the jealousy. Not share anything personal with them?

utopia

what is FIL?

leelee5675

FIL = Father-in-Law

Goldberry

That's a good question Marigold, I wish I knew the right answer. I do think not sharing certain things that you think will cause a tinge of jealousy would be the right thing to do. Like not saying if you bought something or went out to dinner or whatever if you think that would cause a problem. If it's not that important,skip it. Of course if they ask, you just tell the truth quickly and hurry on to another issue. I don't know, that might be hard on the spur of the moment unless you think about it first before you talk to them. What might you talk about that hasn't started a problem? Stick to more of that. I've noticed that if I bring up something my husband has done around the house or outside, he is very handy, my mom is kind of silent and will say "that's nice" and try to change the subject. Later she might criticize me or him for something about the past. It's weird. So I basically don't tell her anymore about certain things that will make her envious. My dad has never been very handy around the house and sits around more. He's also a lot older too and doesn't feel well most of the time. But she gets angry when he just sits around and does nothing. Sometimes I won't tell her that we went somewhere or did something together because they don't do much together except argue. It's hard to tell. Sometimes I can share and my mom gives me wonderful advice or she seems really happy for me. I guess when she has been drinking or she's in a depressed mood it can be a different story. So I have learned not to call her after a certain hr. We shouldn't have to walk on eggshells with our parents. We want them to know what's happening in our lives and share the good and bad with them without being judged but it isn't always easy. Hopefully someone else will give us another suggestion. Take care and hang in there and your husband too. It seems like his father is a hard man. Can't show love easily, no praises etc... My dad's a bit like that too. It's hard for him to show acceptance and unconditional love. May God give your husband the insight to see that it's his father's own jealousy and inadequacies that hold him in bondage. Keep showing love. It's the best remedy. And it sounds like your parents are a good example of what unconditonal love and acceptance is for you all. That's great. Hang on to that.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath. But a harsh word stirs up anger". Proverbs 15:1