Has anyone done the 5th step?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
I have
I'd say get a sponsor and start at Step One
Step Four is the step with the writing
There are helpful workbooks but nothing takes the place of working with an actual sponsor or a therapist with experience in the Twelve Steps
Taking yourself through the twelve steps is like writing your own book about piloting a plane without ever having taken a lesson, the twelve steps reveal things about you that you literally can't see on your own, you need a guide or you will miss the benefits.
Good Luck.
I'd say get a sponsor and start at Step One
Step Four is the step with the writing
There are helpful workbooks but nothing takes the place of working with an actual sponsor or a therapist with experience in the Twelve Steps
Taking yourself through the twelve steps is like writing your own book about piloting a plane without ever having taken a lesson, the twelve steps reveal things about you that you literally can't see on your own, you need a guide or you will miss the benefits.
Good Luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
http://silkworth.net/zips/4thStep.zip
Downloads & mp3's from silkworth.net
Let me know if that is what you are looking for, Joe and Charley from AA made the first and most effective formats that I know of
I am resentful at:
The Cause:
and then finding out columns three and four with your sponsor
affects my:
What is my part:
For right now just write who you are resentful at and why, later on you will write your fears and sexual history
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
No worries
Let me know by PM if you have further questions
Just FYI step 8 is "made a list of persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all"
Step four is the personal inventory
step five is sharing it with another human being (and God)
Let me know by PM if you have further questions
Just FYI step 8 is "made a list of persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all"
Step four is the personal inventory
step five is sharing it with another human being (and God)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 177
Thanks Dothi. I do know the harms I have done; however, I wanted to make sure I get everything down and thought there would be a good way to make sure I didn't forget anything or something I am oblivious to.
I've done several runs thru all the steps. I _hate_ starting out, but it feels _so_ good when I'm done.
How I begin to write is first I write down everything that is causing me _pain_. For example, I wrote down that that divorcing my ex wife was painful, and that I didn't want to take off the wedding ring. Ever.
Then I write down the _specific_ situations where the pain is worst. Which was taking off the wedding ring and having to admit it was over.
Next is listing who is involved in that situation. And that was _everybody_. Everybody who would know my marriage had failed. And that would know that _I_ was a failure as a husband.
Then I write down what character defects are impacted by that pain, which for me was "pride".
And at the moment, when I "connected the dots" from the wedding ring to people knowing to me being a failure to "pride" I realized _why_ I was in such deep pain.
Not because my marriage ended, that was just a small part. The intensity of the pain was caused because I was afraid that I had become a failure as a husband and become like my alcohlic father. _that_ was the root cause of my pain. As well as the root cause of why I stuck it out far too long, and why I seek out unhealthy relationships.
What I get out of these "inventories" is I unravel the tangled motivations that drive me to do unhealthy behaviors. Once I can work that out, the whole insanity just evaporates. The day I shared that inventory with my sponsor is the day I realized that I am _not_ like my father. Not in the slightest. He never cared that he was a drunk and a failure, whearas I have spent my entire life trying to be a good man and improve myself.
That's the magic of recovery, not only does it stop the self-destructive behaviors, it makes their power vanish.
That ring? I gave it to the Salvation Army. I figure they need the money and some young couple can use it for their own start in life.
Mike
How I begin to write is first I write down everything that is causing me _pain_. For example, I wrote down that that divorcing my ex wife was painful, and that I didn't want to take off the wedding ring. Ever.
Then I write down the _specific_ situations where the pain is worst. Which was taking off the wedding ring and having to admit it was over.
Next is listing who is involved in that situation. And that was _everybody_. Everybody who would know my marriage had failed. And that would know that _I_ was a failure as a husband.
Then I write down what character defects are impacted by that pain, which for me was "pride".
And at the moment, when I "connected the dots" from the wedding ring to people knowing to me being a failure to "pride" I realized _why_ I was in such deep pain.
Not because my marriage ended, that was just a small part. The intensity of the pain was caused because I was afraid that I had become a failure as a husband and become like my alcohlic father. _that_ was the root cause of my pain. As well as the root cause of why I stuck it out far too long, and why I seek out unhealthy relationships.
What I get out of these "inventories" is I unravel the tangled motivations that drive me to do unhealthy behaviors. Once I can work that out, the whole insanity just evaporates. The day I shared that inventory with my sponsor is the day I realized that I am _not_ like my father. Not in the slightest. He never cared that he was a drunk and a failure, whearas I have spent my entire life trying to be a good man and improve myself.
That's the magic of recovery, not only does it stop the self-destructive behaviors, it makes their power vanish.
That ring? I gave it to the Salvation Army. I figure they need the money and some young couple can use it for their own start in life.
Mike
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