Essay "Under the Influence"
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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Essay "Under the Influence"
You know those moments when you think you're doing great, but then you see or read something and it splits you open, exposing all those soft areas again?
Last night I read the essay "Under the Influence" by Scott Russell Sanders (not the book) and fairly well lost it when I got to this passage about his father:
If you ever have a chance to read this essay somewhere (it may be on the web somewhere), it is as perfect a description of a "hero" role ACOA childhood as I have ever read. It's not cheery, but it is honest, and will become part of my toolbox from now on.
Not crying from reopening the wounds...but just knowing someone out there really "gets it" and has survived.
Hugs to all
GL
Last night I read the essay "Under the Influence" by Scott Russell Sanders (not the book) and fairly well lost it when I got to this passage about his father:
I lie there hating him, loving him, fearing him, knowing I have failed him. I tell myself he drinks to ease an ache that gnaws at his belly, an ache I must have caused by disappointing him somehow, a murderous ache I should be able to relieve by doing all my chores, earning A's in school, winning baseball games... He would not hide the green bottles in his tool box, would not sneak off to the barn with a lump under his coat, would not fall asleep in the daylight, would not roar and fume, would not drink himself to death, if only I were perfect.
Not crying from reopening the wounds...but just knowing someone out there really "gets it" and has survived.
Hugs to all
GL
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there GL 
Thank you for sharing that passage. It is deeply moving and powerful. Been there, felt that.
We have a little saying in my meets over here; I may not be perfect enough for a lot of people, but I'm perfect enough for God.
GL, you have a deep, giving heart. It is abundandtly clear to me that you are perfect enough for God, as he has blessed you with so many gifts. Having _you_ in my recovery is one of the gifts He has given me.
thank you for sharing that little bit of your recovery with me.
Mike
Thank you for sharing that passage. It is deeply moving and powerful. Been there, felt that.
We have a little saying in my meets over here; I may not be perfect enough for a lot of people, but I'm perfect enough for God.
GL, you have a deep, giving heart. It is abundandtly clear to me that you are perfect enough for God, as he has blessed you with so many gifts. Having _you_ in my recovery is one of the gifts He has given me.
thank you for sharing that little bit of your recovery with me.
Mike
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
((( Mike )))
Still very tender inside today - crying at odd moments - but I think it is good. That soft, open heart for all who have suffered...who continue to suffer...and the faith that we can all get better.
Still very tender inside today - crying at odd moments - but I think it is good. That soft, open heart for all who have suffered...who continue to suffer...and the faith that we can all get better.
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