Lost
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1
Lost
Hey everyone,
By the time I was 16 my Mother's alcoholism was full force. I would play cat and mouse w/ her, her hiding the bottles and me finding them and dumping them out. My Mother would drink vodka and/or mouthwash non stop for about 2-3 months until she was so sick she either injured herself or physically could not buy more. Then she would enter detox. My Father would bring me to the detox centers so I could see how bad it was, this was to prevent me from becoming the same way. My Mother would remain sober for a few weeks then start all over again.
I chose to live with her when my Father asked her to leave. I cleaned up the vomit/****/etc on a daily basis. My father liked me living there so someone could keep an eye on her. Finally in 2007 ( I was 23, My Mom just turned 50) I could not take it anymore and I left, w/out looking back. A few months later, no one had heard from her so my father asked me to check up on her. I found her dead in her house. Its still hard not to blame myself.
I moved in with my brother about 9 months ago. I was excited to move in until I discovered that he has a drinking problem similar to my Mothers. I have decided to stop drinking all together for fear of becoming the same way. I know I need to get out of this environment but I am afraid to leave my brother. I am lost.
By the time I was 16 my Mother's alcoholism was full force. I would play cat and mouse w/ her, her hiding the bottles and me finding them and dumping them out. My Mother would drink vodka and/or mouthwash non stop for about 2-3 months until she was so sick she either injured herself or physically could not buy more. Then she would enter detox. My Father would bring me to the detox centers so I could see how bad it was, this was to prevent me from becoming the same way. My Mother would remain sober for a few weeks then start all over again.
I chose to live with her when my Father asked her to leave. I cleaned up the vomit/****/etc on a daily basis. My father liked me living there so someone could keep an eye on her. Finally in 2007 ( I was 23, My Mom just turned 50) I could not take it anymore and I left, w/out looking back. A few months later, no one had heard from her so my father asked me to check up on her. I found her dead in her house. Its still hard not to blame myself.
I moved in with my brother about 9 months ago. I was excited to move in until I discovered that he has a drinking problem similar to my Mothers. I have decided to stop drinking all together for fear of becoming the same way. I know I need to get out of this environment but I am afraid to leave my brother. I am lost.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
ane,
I am so sorry to hear about all the pain you have been through. I want to welcome you to the forum and hope you'll hang around.
Everyone in your life has probably told you "it's not your fault". They're right.
We can never understand why or how alcohol or drugs has such a hold on the addict.
People can and do quit every single day. People who were at the worse possible moment in their life have quit and never drank again.
It's a choice they make for themselves. Nothing on earth we could do will ever make them stop drinking. Nothing.
Why are you afraid to leave your brother? Is it because you fear taking care of yourself, or do you fear that he will become the same as your mother, and you feel you must take care of him?
I am so sorry to hear about all the pain you have been through. I want to welcome you to the forum and hope you'll hang around.
Everyone in your life has probably told you "it's not your fault". They're right.
We can never understand why or how alcohol or drugs has such a hold on the addict.
People can and do quit every single day. People who were at the worse possible moment in their life have quit and never drank again.
It's a choice they make for themselves. Nothing on earth we could do will ever make them stop drinking. Nothing.
Why are you afraid to leave your brother? Is it because you fear taking care of yourself, or do you fear that he will become the same as your mother, and you feel you must take care of him?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
Posts: 402
Hey anepiphany, welcome to the forum! It sounds like you've had a pretty rough time (and I'm sure that's a gross understatement).
What I don't understand was why was this your job to begin with? It sounds like you were trying to stop a tidal wave with a bucket! What about you? When was your chance to do something other than frantically try and hold this wave back. I hope you can see that your mom was making her choice every day. There's nothing you could have done to change her mind. That was a choice she and she alone had to make. That every adult is responsible for their own decisions and the consequences of those choices - NOT someone else.
I can certainly understand you blaming yourself. That was a terrible, terrible position to be put in (checking in on your mom). Your father could have at least stepped up instead of, again, leaving everything to you. How are you feeling about all of this? Have you talked to anyone about it?
When you have some time, check out the stickies at the top of the forum. The next best step you can take now is to educate yourself. Please feel free to continue posting here.
What I don't understand was why was this your job to begin with? It sounds like you were trying to stop a tidal wave with a bucket! What about you? When was your chance to do something other than frantically try and hold this wave back. I hope you can see that your mom was making her choice every day. There's nothing you could have done to change her mind. That was a choice she and she alone had to make. That every adult is responsible for their own decisions and the consequences of those choices - NOT someone else.
I can certainly understand you blaming yourself. That was a terrible, terrible position to be put in (checking in on your mom). Your father could have at least stepped up instead of, again, leaving everything to you. How are you feeling about all of this? Have you talked to anyone about it?
When you have some time, check out the stickies at the top of the forum. The next best step you can take now is to educate yourself. Please feel free to continue posting here.
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