CoDieNOmore

I broke up with SABF for many reasons but the last straw was the dishonesty by omission. And I have found out about even more lies in less the 24 hours from other online communities. I know it was a long time coming but OMG I'm in some pain. I could not sleep, I feel sick........ Going through withdrawal from it all and all I want right now is to fix the pain. In the past that would have meant believing in his lies and I would just put my head in the sand. I have been working on detaching from the situation for awhile now. Talking to God like crazy... Going to meetings..... Did my first written first step for CoDA.....
The tapes of all the things I chose not to look at keeps playing over and over in my head. I was really stuck on STUPID.
Not answering my phone calls...
Disappearing for large amounts of time...
The unwillingness to talk about real stuff...
Always coming up with lame excuses....
Just the normal run of the mill stuff when someone is in active addiction.. Even tho he is a sex addict... A addict is a addict no matter the drug of choice and the patterns are the same. And I was addicted to him...
I'm truly hurting right now and need some feedback.
Thanks......

Live

Kendra,

When I first came to this site, I was a total wreck.
I had spent years with a promiscous, abusive, alcoholic man...
and still wanted him and couldn't figure out how bad it would have to get,
how far down I would have to go to have enough.
I am not going to share right now what it took...
but what I did then was to use this site to check in each day and count my days of sobriety, meaning no contact.
That accountability got me through.
Please lean on us and use this site for whatever help it can provide you.
It was hard, it took counseling and time for me to get past it,
and, in truth, ending it was inevitable no matter which one of us did it...
but it was the best thing and the most important thing that needed to happen in my life...it hurt for a long time....today, it's a great gift that I wish I had the strength to accept much sooner than I did.

GiveLove

((( Kendra )))

I'm sorry you're hurting.

You are doing the right thing, but I know how much it hurts.

There's no feedback I could give you besides:

• Continue doing what you're doing, even if the withdrawal hurts.
• Keep your mind and body busy with things that bring you joy. Exhaust yourself if you have to.
• Let yourself be angry, and take it out on inanimate objects if it helps.
• Keep talking. Post a dozen times here if you need to....we're listening.
• Take tender care of yourself right now, as though you were sick (you are): eat lightly, drink lots of water, take a B-vitamin and lots of calcium to help with stress, get out into the fresh air and light, keep your body moving. Keep washing those toxins out of your body, bit by bit.(Yes, he is a toxin)
• Know that you are loved, and that this "surgery" to rid yourself of him may hurt, but it is just as important as your other cancer surgery. Your relationship with him was killing you. We are glad you've chosen life.

:ghug3

CoDieNOmore

Thanks Givelove, Liveweyerd, and Anvilhead...
I went to my father's grave site today. It's a year to the day of his passing. My son went with me and we had a nice time. We went to Denny's for lunch. My dad and I went there once. I'm running on only a few hours sleep and I'm truly feeling run down but I need to stay up till 9 so I can sleep through the night. I'm feeling numb, with periods of sadness and anger.
I get stuck on his comment that he did not want to put up with my drama anymore anyway..... He has been seeing his ex... On top of all the other acting out crap...
I want him to know that his lies are coming out and that I'm not crazy... Well not to crazy. LOL I just want him to own his ****..... And I don't know why I'm holding on to that. I did not reply to his crappy email. I did respond to a message he sent through another site.... but I just asked him to just please find it in his heart to just let it go... Then I blocked him. This was about 11pm. His ex is already sending comments on his page... Using the site to let me know whats going on between them. I have not gone back to his page and I have not contacted him. And he has left me alone. I'm truly grateful for that. I'm really angry about all the crap I put up with. Reliving my past sexual trauma to satisfy his relentless addiction. I have really put myself in harms way in the name of love..... Or what I thought was love. Now I just feel truly broken and I have so many pieces to pick up.

GiveLove

So you have pieces to pick up.......it will still be okay.

In fact, you will become a beautiful collage of a woman, a tapestry of all your experiences, your pain, your victories, your kindness. People like that - to me - are FAR more beautiful than those pristine little alabaster statues of people who have never had to overcome adversity.

You will be okay, K. One day at a time, alright? Try to get lots and lots of rest, and stay away from those ugly people. Yuck.

CoDieNOmore

I'm up again and unable to sleep. Usally when I'm in pain I can sleep for days but now I just can't seem to stay asleep.
I still have had NO contact and it does seem to get easier.

Lenore

I'm glad it's getting easier for you I really admire your strength! Your post was really tough for me to read, because it could have been me I was reading about.

You may not feel it now while things are so raw, but I think you are so brave for taking yourself out of such a harmful relationship.

I really am wishing you all the best and hope things get much easier for you very soon.

xx

CoDieNOmore

I hide a slip.. I finished a year long cancer treatment and text him to let him know. I was just sooooo happy.. I told everyone. We had a good conversation and thats the worst. I could feel my head slowly starting to go back in the sand. I'm soooooo glad he lives in another city.

GingerM

This may never happen. YOU are the one who needs to recognize the bad apple as being bad, whether the apple recognizes it or owns it or not.

As for your slip, a slip is okay, get back on the horse and continue down YOUR path - not the path he was laying before you.

It often helped me to think about what I'd already lived through when I got to feeling like I just couldn't survive this. Usually the "this" was not nearly as bad as things I'd already lived through, so it would drive home the point that I could survive the "this" that was going on at the time.

Be true to yourself and you can do it!