New & In Need of Some Support

Old 06-21-2009, 04:09 PM
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New & In Need of Some Support

Where to begin?

Hello everyone,

I am new to the forum and I have just freshly come out from under the denial I have been living in: My mom is an addict. I'm 23 years old and really confused, guilty..and well more confusion. I have just accepted the fact that my mother is an opiate abuser after having been addicted to codiene for the last 23+ years. I guess I am confused because I feel like I have been living this crazy life that has been presented as "normal" this whole time. I feel like I am just waking up out of a life-long sickness and can see everything now with a new set of eyes. And I am more upset because I don't even have my mother to discuss it with...instead she does not want to hear it.
The last few years my mom has been in and out of the hospital with a "mysterious illness"....which was always frustrating because I knew it was from the bottle of Tylenol 1's she downs daily...however, her and her boyfriend would have the doctors runs 100's of test threating it might be cancer or some other life threating mystery illness. Well, I am not playing this game anymore. The truth is she goes into the hospital because she has diarreah, sweats and vomits to the point she her stomach bleeds....otherwise known as a withdrawl....the hospital with then make her "sicknees" go away with a morphine drip and within a few weeks she is sent back home and we repeat this cycle. The last time, 2 weeks ago, that she was released form the hospital they sent her home with fentanyl patches (another opiate based drug - and one she weaned herself off of a while ago having been addicted to them). I don't want her taking these patches again but she swears when she runs out that she won't be taking anything anymore. Well, I know flat out this is not true....because she will die if she just stops taking her pills....and I know she won't deal with the sickness. So, me being tired of this cycle and wanting to step out of the denial, confronted her other I believe she is a drug addict and she needs to stop taking the fentanyl patches right now. Well she just lost her marbles and I have not spoken to her since. She even had her boyfriend contact me and he told me to just leave her alone. I know when I am doing is right, but I feel like I am fighting alone.
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Old 06-21-2009, 04:48 PM
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Welcome to SR, DeVon.

Unfortunately, you very well may be fighting alone. My question is...is it really your fight? You mother is an adult and is going to make her own decisions and there's really not much you can do about it. I know it's so hard to watch someone we love going down a bad road, but you have to take care of yourself and let her decide how she is going to live her own life.

Stay strong and take care of yourself and if that means no contact for a while, then that's probably what you should do. It will drive you crazy watching someone you love destroy themselves. Give up your front row seat to the drama and take care of yourself. (((HUGS)))
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Old 06-21-2009, 04:54 PM
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DeVon...we also have a "Friends and Family of Substance Abusers" forum where you might want to post your message. It gets a bit more traffic than this one and you will probably get more feedback.

Here's the link...

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 06-21-2009, 05:18 PM
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Welcome to SR DeVon! Glad you made it!

I feel your pain. Watching someone who is so obviously sick consciously choose to stay sick is heartbreaking. Unfortuantely, your mom is the only one who can make the choice to get better. As hard as it is to accept, you don't have the power to fix her.

The good news is you can take steps to fix yourself. And realizing you've been in denial about your mom's addictions is a very big step! Many children of alcoholics and addicts never get that far. So hey, you've got something to be grateful for today.
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Old 06-23-2009, 03:08 PM
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I recommend suki's link too. There's a lot of action on that board.
Have you tried just one alanon meeting?
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Old 07-02-2009, 05:54 PM
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Welcome. I'm kinda new since I'm rarely here.

Yesterday I talked to my mom and said something I shouldn't have about her life. I was trying to control it basically because I "knew" I was right and she was wrong.

But it isn't my problem and your mom's drug habit isn't your problem.

I told my mom how I felt and then told her it was her choice if she did anything about it, but I really didn't care. And I don't.

I don't think my answer is necessarily the way things should go with you, but right now it's how my situation is going. I'm JUST starting to figure things out, though. I hope you and I both make some progress in becoming healthy adults.
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