worthyoflove

Through recovery I have learned that my time is just as valuable as someone else's, so I started limiting my time with some people. I've had to keep my distance to gain some clarity. I went to a neighborhood concert tonight and ran into someone I haven't seen in years. She and I talked for a while, then when I was leaving she suggested I come over to spend time with her. I started crying right in front of her and haven't stopped. Never realized how lonely I felt. Recovery is hard stuff.

GiveLove

I forget who it was who once said, "When we start feeling our feelings again, it's like thawing out a frozen limb - it hurts like heck."

Welcome back to life, worthyoflove. I hope this the first of many reconnections for you. You deserve a life rich with friends and joy

dothi

Sounds to me like a nice, clean sign of recovery. Until we enter recovery, we are in denial of how isolated we've become in the cycle of dysfunction.

I've found that since I really actually entered recovery as an ACoA, I've had a very difficult time learning to relate to people and form new friendships. My new-forming identity is in flux, making it challenging to believe in who I am now compared to who I used to be. That's why it's hard for many ACoAs to recover - it's almost like going through kindergarten all over again, and developing the skills for dealing with people completely anew. It is challenging. That's what makes it so tempting for some ACoAs to concede and give in to old patterns again.

If it's any comfort, you're not alone in feeling the intense loneliness. All the old [dysfunctional] comforts you used to have are now stripped away. You'll need to learn new comforts, new habits, and gradually a new identity. IMO this is definitely part of the recovery process - hang in there!

worthyoflove

Thank you GiveLove.

Dothi: It is a very difficult process. I never realized how much I suppressed my feelings. It is very odd to realize how much I have changed. Sometimes I don't recognize my new self. I'm hanging on, but it is very difficult at times. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel normal.

GiveLove

Hi worthy,

What would 'normal' look like to you? I love Barbara Sher's exercise where you journal about your future ideal day, from the time you open your eyes 'til the time your head hits the pillow: what your bed feels like, what you eat for breakfast, what kind of work you're doing, what your neighborhood looks like, how many friends you want to have, what kind of relationships you have.....every detail you can come up with.

I realized a long time ago that I never felt "right" because I had no idea what "right" was supposed to look like, or what I wanted it to look like. I know that one little exercise has stuck with me now for a couple of decades, and I still think about it every day and take tiny little steps toward it. I never had parents that cared about me, so I had to find a way to make my own dreams come true

Hang in there. You will not feel like this forever.

worthyoflove

GiveLove,

Thank you so much for this. I will journal tonight. Thank you for guiding me. I feel very grateful for your posts and support. Wow! Thank you, thank you! It's nice to meet people who are supportive.

WOL