New to recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: ireland
Posts: 16
New to recovery
Hello everyone.
My mame is sarah. I am a 27 yrs single mum of a beautiful 8 year old girl.I just wanted to introduce myself. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and dysfunctional family.
I have recentally discovered , I am codependent after year of abuse both verbal and sexual at the hand of my father and brother, I am very much alone in dealing with this as I cant speak to my family about this because they are not willing to see our family as having any faults,they are not even aware how much awareness I have gained into my childhood ,but have done great work so far on myself to get this great awarness.
With been codependent I have not managed to retain any friends throu out my life , mainly because they couldnt put up with how I treated them, which is fair enough.
I suppose I am really looking for postive support, in dealing with my issues, as I feel I have been a second chance at life ,with this awareness.
I know I need to attend support groups for codependents but with been a single mum on my own , I have noone that could look after my little girl , at the time they are held in my area.
If anyone have any advice they can offer my I would really appricate it . also if any one knows of online support groups for codependent that would be a great help to get my start in dealing with it, until I can come up with A way to attend meeting in my area
Thank you for taking the time to read this
Warmest Regards
Sarah
My mame is sarah. I am a 27 yrs single mum of a beautiful 8 year old girl.I just wanted to introduce myself. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and dysfunctional family.
I have recentally discovered , I am codependent after year of abuse both verbal and sexual at the hand of my father and brother, I am very much alone in dealing with this as I cant speak to my family about this because they are not willing to see our family as having any faults,they are not even aware how much awareness I have gained into my childhood ,but have done great work so far on myself to get this great awarness.
With been codependent I have not managed to retain any friends throu out my life , mainly because they couldnt put up with how I treated them, which is fair enough.
I suppose I am really looking for postive support, in dealing with my issues, as I feel I have been a second chance at life ,with this awareness.
I know I need to attend support groups for codependents but with been a single mum on my own , I have noone that could look after my little girl , at the time they are held in my area.
If anyone have any advice they can offer my I would really appricate it . also if any one knows of online support groups for codependent that would be a great help to get my start in dealing with it, until I can come up with A way to attend meeting in my area
Thank you for taking the time to read this
Warmest Regards
Sarah
AKA 'grewupinabarn'
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 471
Welcome to SR Sarah.
You will find great support here. You want to be better - you show that by coming here and by looking into meetings.
I really applaud you for making a better childhood for your daughter than you had for yourself.
I am not sure what alanon meetings are like on your side of the pond, but here some meetings will allow a child. I have been to a few where the child sits in a corner (or separate room) and reads or plays, or sits at the table and listens. (Some of these children were remarkably well behaved for an average american kid.) That may/may not apply well to you but it may be worth trying to call a contact number or going to a meeting 10-15 minutes early to ask (make it clear that you will only attend if the group has no objections to a child).
Good luck and keep posting.
You will find great support here. You want to be better - you show that by coming here and by looking into meetings.
I really applaud you for making a better childhood for your daughter than you had for yourself.
I am not sure what alanon meetings are like on your side of the pond, but here some meetings will allow a child. I have been to a few where the child sits in a corner (or separate room) and reads or plays, or sits at the table and listens. (Some of these children were remarkably well behaved for an average american kid.) That may/may not apply well to you but it may be worth trying to call a contact number or going to a meeting 10-15 minutes early to ask (make it clear that you will only attend if the group has no objections to a child).
Good luck and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello Sarah, and welcome to SoberRecovery 
We have two full forums for co-dependents right "next door" here at SoberRecovery. They are the "Friends and Families" forums where you are most welcome. Along with this Adult Children forum you have 3 forums for your "recovery shopping"
I suggest you phone the meetings in your area and see which of them allow children. As GrewUp said, here in the US most welcome children and provide for them.
Take a little time to browse thru the "sticky" posts on the various forums. There's a lot of great information there to get you started.
I'm glad you decided to join us. Welcome again
Mike
We have two full forums for co-dependents right "next door" here at SoberRecovery. They are the "Friends and Families" forums where you are most welcome. Along with this Adult Children forum you have 3 forums for your "recovery shopping"
I suggest you phone the meetings in your area and see which of them allow children. As GrewUp said, here in the US most welcome children and provide for them.
Take a little time to browse thru the "sticky" posts on the various forums. There's a lot of great information there to get you started.
I'm glad you decided to join us. Welcome again
Mike
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Welcome Sara, I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to let you know that there are plenty of people working their way through the recovery process. Each takes their own path, but all have the same destination in mind.
I consider myself fairly advanced in my recovery, but there are still triggers that catch me off guard or days when I backslide into old habits. I just want to let you know that you're not alone and everyone here can relate to where you're coming from.
Good for you for wanting to do something about it!
I consider myself fairly advanced in my recovery, but there are still triggers that catch me off guard or days when I backslide into old habits. I just want to let you know that you're not alone and everyone here can relate to where you're coming from.
Good for you for wanting to do something about it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Livingroom
Posts: 323
Welcome to SR!!! This site has been extremely helpful and is apart of my recovery program. I'm just starting to see just how much of a CoDie I truly am. This is painful but at the same time it's a aaahhhh moment. Now that I'm aware of the issue I can start to do something about it. Sounds like your well on your way to your recovery journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Welcome, Sarah! I'm glad you found us.
The beauty of here is that we're all at different places along the journey. I've been where you are now, Mike's been where I am now....etc.....we're all strung out along this long path called Healing, but it's comforting to know that we can all use this place to share ideas, thoughts, support, and insights.
Hugs,
GL
The beauty of here is that we're all at different places along the journey. I've been where you are now, Mike's been where I am now....etc.....we're all strung out along this long path called Healing, but it's comforting to know that we can all use this place to share ideas, thoughts, support, and insights.
Hugs,
GL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: ireland
Posts: 16
Hello Again to all.
Thank you all for the kind words and advice, I am really greatful for finding this community, as I was actually begining to think I am not getting any better or moving forward in anyway , but from reading great stories of courage, here its has giving me great joy to know I am on the Road to inner happpiness.
Best Wishes to all for the future
Sarah x x x
Thank you all for the kind words and advice, I am really greatful for finding this community, as I was actually begining to think I am not getting any better or moving forward in anyway , but from reading great stories of courage, here its has giving me great joy to know I am on the Road to inner happpiness.
Best Wishes to all for the future
Sarah x x x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: ireland
Posts: 16
Hi (Grewupinabarn)
Yes I went to my first CODA meeting 2 weeks ago , I asked my sister to mind for me although she taught I was reading into our families past too much but she said she will help me out with minding my daughter as best she can, which will be great. I didnt attend last weeks meeting , I was just tired after work and wanted to have a early night so I hope to get back on track again this week.
Sarah
Yes I went to my first CODA meeting 2 weeks ago , I asked my sister to mind for me although she taught I was reading into our families past too much but she said she will help me out with minding my daughter as best she can, which will be great. I didnt attend last weeks meeting , I was just tired after work and wanted to have a early night so I hope to get back on track again this week.
Sarah
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 13
Welcome, Sarah!
Good job taking courage to post. If I could offer anything, it would be to make sure to take time for you (always a challenge as a parent) to really feel the rage, hurt you need to feel towards your family so you can have a clear sense of how to relate to them. It took me years to come to grips with how I'd been abused emotionally and realize it was really OK not to have relationship with certain people, or rel. only in certain parameters- and that I wasn't the bad guy for stepping away. I still have to work on this regularly.
Best to you,
Psalm
Good job taking courage to post. If I could offer anything, it would be to make sure to take time for you (always a challenge as a parent) to really feel the rage, hurt you need to feel towards your family so you can have a clear sense of how to relate to them. It took me years to come to grips with how I'd been abused emotionally and realize it was really OK not to have relationship with certain people, or rel. only in certain parameters- and that I wasn't the bad guy for stepping away. I still have to work on this regularly.
Best to you,
Psalm
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