CoDieNOmore

Back ground... Day 7 no smoking and waiting for new depression meds to kick in. I feel like I need to tell you what is going on before I share my feelings..
I am feeling hurt, angry, insecure, so forth and so on....
BF's ex decided to play a game this past weekend... He fell right in to it and it really upsetting me. At first I thought I was upset with her.... But I was really upset that he just fell in it..... Then I was really upset that I was soooo upset.

I can go on and on about the details but it all comes back to my lack of trust in him... ( some back ground is in my last whine post )

My sponsor told me that there relationship is none of my business... I'm not there. trying 2 get there but very hard... There relationship (wether it's good, bad or whatever) brings up hurt, insecurity, and anger.

I'm having a hard time saying everything that is going on because Kendra is my real name. I was so excited about this site and told bf all about it.
Somethings I just need to work through before I bring it to him... And I'm also learning that I don't have to tell him EVERYTHING. At first I did not communicate any hard things... Then I went to over communicating. He has even asked me, "what have you been doing in recovery all this time?". What I heard was,.... WOW you really have not worked a program and you are sicker then I thought...

Then he will say sorry for something.... My response is, "It's ok, if I was not such a people pleaser I would have not let it happen." This is true but I feel the need to make the whole issue MY issue... I'm I making any since?

CoDieNOmore

Thanks for your reply. I have noticed that my emotions settle down when I just share with you all whats going on inside of me.

CoDieNOmore

I gave up crack in my early 20's. I'm always glad to hear that some else has been able to let that go.... When ever I would feel a hard to deal with emotion coming on I would stuff it with the help of a cig... Well I have been stuffing way to much and smoking EVEN more. I even have a 21 mg patch on and it's still hard.
Did I ever tell you anvilhead, that it was one of your comments you made to me that made me decided to GO to a meeting??? Thanks for that!!

CoDieNOmore

I do think I will give journeying a try. That way I'm not always puking up all my emotions on this board....

guiab

Better here than on yourself!
Seriously, journaling is wonderful for bringing clarity to one's thoughts. The paper becomes sort of an extension of the brain, slowing down all those thoughts so you can untangle them and see what is what.
This board can be an extension too. We are all working together to straighten our lives out and that really only happens when we talk honestly and openly. I have had so many 'wow- that is it exactly' moments from people who just put forth what was on their mind.

CoDieNOmore

I'm glad to report that my emotions are more on a even kelt (sp) today...
You guys are great!!!

GiveLove

Yay, Kendra. Someone here - I think it's Ann, our wonderful Mod -- always says that the difference between a good day and a bad day is often....24 hours Glad you're back on smooth sailing again.

Have you considered changing your name here? So you can feel freer to post what you want?

just a thought.

CoDieNOmore

Funny you should ask that..... My post provoked a heated conversation last night with my bf. It was our first fight. I was able to express my anger, hurt, and insecurity to him. (not just everyone else) And guess what??? It was ok to do that. I even was able to listen to his feelings without trying or thinking I could fix them. He and I were able to work it out. If my post becomes a issue again I will change my user name. Is that an easy thing to do or do you 2 delete your profile and start over??

GiveLove

Some community members have done both - it depends on how urgent the need is to "not be found."

One in particular had to delete her profile and all her posts several times over, and start again, because her then-AH kept searching hard for her using clues from her posts, and then making her life miserable.

Others find it sufficient to just change their name.

So if & when that time comes, just drop a line to one of the mods (you can find them at the bottom of the main ACoA forum, on the bottom right) explain your situation, and they'll fix you right up.

Glad it provoked a useful confrontation!!!!! Sometimes it works that way too

CoDieNOmore

I run from confrontation almost at ALL cost. It was very helpful to stand my ground but also be able to hear him too... It workout in a positive way..

Thanks for the info... I hope I don't have to go that route but it's good to have the information.