Relapse
Rebecca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 9
Relapse
I am a cocaine addict. I have been in N/A and A/A since last May '08. I found this site by accident by following a link.
I was/am in bad shape due to relapse last week today I have 10 days clean again.
This is my 3rd relapse (the relapses were brief but deadly). I am kinda starting over again but am at Step 2. I was at Step 4, but I am waiting on presenting my 4th Step to my sponsor until the insanity is under control. That's funny because I am not in control over the drug and its effects are horrible on my mind and body.
I am in an anxious mood, and have panic attacks and morning anxiety that is killer to deal with. I have been bipolar for 20 years and know better than to relapse for 27 hours straight with no sleep. So, the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of right now are completely out of control.
I was doing well with 2 months straight and then I started to play with my sobriety and contact the person who gets me cocaine and who was in my life for the past 5 years.
I started using last February '08. I went into the hospital on May 26th '08 and got clean.
I am now in N/A and A/A. I have a sponsor and supports, so this upcoming time will be very rocky but I want to be clean and I want to use the steps to recover.
Thanks for listening,
beccaflight9 (Rebecca)
I was/am in bad shape due to relapse last week today I have 10 days clean again.
This is my 3rd relapse (the relapses were brief but deadly). I am kinda starting over again but am at Step 2. I was at Step 4, but I am waiting on presenting my 4th Step to my sponsor until the insanity is under control. That's funny because I am not in control over the drug and its effects are horrible on my mind and body.
I am in an anxious mood, and have panic attacks and morning anxiety that is killer to deal with. I have been bipolar for 20 years and know better than to relapse for 27 hours straight with no sleep. So, the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of right now are completely out of control.
I was doing well with 2 months straight and then I started to play with my sobriety and contact the person who gets me cocaine and who was in my life for the past 5 years.
I started using last February '08. I went into the hospital on May 26th '08 and got clean.
I am now in N/A and A/A. I have a sponsor and supports, so this upcoming time will be very rocky but I want to be clean and I want to use the steps to recover.
Thanks for listening,
beccaflight9 (Rebecca)
bluebird78
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Posts: 16
You're very brave for coming back and thanks for sharing! You'll learn from your relapse, and I think it will make you stronger and wiser in the end. Try not to beat yourself up for it - you're doing what you can, and here you are, taking steps to get healthy again. Whether it takes two times, or twenty times - you're getting better!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 39
Congrats on Your 10 days!! That is a big deal!! Congrats on wanting to be clean too!! That is when it all started working for Me... When I decided, that I wanted to get clean, Just For Me, and only for Me!! I have the Same drug of choice... And let Me assure You, that the longer that you are abstinent, from it, the easier it is to Not Want to Pick Up!!! Go to lots of meetings... Find Meetings that You Enjoy... Hook in with People, and Make Friends, in the Program!! I've been clean for 16 months now, and I never thought that this was even Possible!!
It's very possible!! And it really does Get Much Easier, with time!!
Good Luck... and Stay Strong!! You Can Do This!!
~Rob~
It's very possible!! And it really does Get Much Easier, with time!!
Good Luck... and Stay Strong!! You Can Do This!!
~Rob~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Elmwood Park, NJ
Posts: 14
Welcome Back, Rebecca!
Relapse is not a requirement, but it is also part of my path. I had 10 months clean and was very active in the NA Fellowship when I was in a car accident. At the emergency room I told them no pain killers because I am in recovery. The next day I was in quite a bit of pain from severe whiplash and what I later found out to have was two herniated discs. I went back to the E.R. and got a prescription. I talked to my sponsor & support group about it and took it for a day and a half as prescribed and then threw them out. Less than a month later I had the MRI that confirmed the herniated discs and got another prescription. This time I took my will back and thought I could handle these pills all on my own. It did not take long for me to spiral back into active addiction. I kept my commitments and continued to talk to my sponsor daily. The guilt and shame I felt was overwhelming and it really could have killed me. What really got me was celebrating a year clean high. I felt like such a fraud and that fed into my addiction. I thought I could stop on my own and just continue with my recovery. I was powerless over it and things got real bad real quick.
I am grateful to say that my Higher Power stepped in and I was arrested - yes, I am grateful for this. I could not stop on my own and had to be stopped. I went to a wonderful treatment facility that emphasized 12 Step Recovery and have been clean since.
I have followed the suggestions: Avoid people. places, and things that I used with or at (did I mention I hooked up with an ex that I used with shortly after my relapse - hm, not bright), get and use a sponsor (I am fully honest with her and trust she only has my best interests in mind), get a home group, come early and stay late, use the phone (I have a wonderful support network that work for me when I use them!), 90 meetings in 90 days, Don't Use, and Keep Coming Back!
I also have surrendered and KNOW I am powerless over my addiction. I am having back surgery next month and have a plan in place with the help of my sponsor and support group. I CANNOT do this alone! I can't, WE can!
I certainly know the pain, guilt and shame in coming back. However, I was quickly reminded that the shame is in NOT coming back!
I truly wish you the best on your journey of recovery!
Mary Helen
Relapse is not a requirement, but it is also part of my path. I had 10 months clean and was very active in the NA Fellowship when I was in a car accident. At the emergency room I told them no pain killers because I am in recovery. The next day I was in quite a bit of pain from severe whiplash and what I later found out to have was two herniated discs. I went back to the E.R. and got a prescription. I talked to my sponsor & support group about it and took it for a day and a half as prescribed and then threw them out. Less than a month later I had the MRI that confirmed the herniated discs and got another prescription. This time I took my will back and thought I could handle these pills all on my own. It did not take long for me to spiral back into active addiction. I kept my commitments and continued to talk to my sponsor daily. The guilt and shame I felt was overwhelming and it really could have killed me. What really got me was celebrating a year clean high. I felt like such a fraud and that fed into my addiction. I thought I could stop on my own and just continue with my recovery. I was powerless over it and things got real bad real quick.
I am grateful to say that my Higher Power stepped in and I was arrested - yes, I am grateful for this. I could not stop on my own and had to be stopped. I went to a wonderful treatment facility that emphasized 12 Step Recovery and have been clean since.
I have followed the suggestions: Avoid people. places, and things that I used with or at (did I mention I hooked up with an ex that I used with shortly after my relapse - hm, not bright), get and use a sponsor (I am fully honest with her and trust she only has my best interests in mind), get a home group, come early and stay late, use the phone (I have a wonderful support network that work for me when I use them!), 90 meetings in 90 days, Don't Use, and Keep Coming Back!
I also have surrendered and KNOW I am powerless over my addiction. I am having back surgery next month and have a plan in place with the help of my sponsor and support group. I CANNOT do this alone! I can't, WE can!
I certainly know the pain, guilt and shame in coming back. However, I was quickly reminded that the shame is in NOT coming back!
I truly wish you the best on your journey of recovery!
Mary Helen
Striving to be a better Man!
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by beccaflight9 
I am a cocaine addict. I have been in N/A and A/A since last May '08. I found this site by accident by following a link.
I was/am in bad shape due to relapse last week today I have 10 days clean again.
This is my 3rd relapse (the relapses were brief but deadly). I am kinda starting over again but am at Step 2. I was at Step 4, but I am waiting on presenting my 4th Step to my sponsor until the insanity is under control. That's funny because I am not in control over the drug and its effects are horrible on my mind and body.
I am in an anxious mood, and have panic attacks and morning anxiety that is killer to deal with. I have been bipolar for 20 years and know better than to relapse for 27 hours straight with no sleep. So, the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of right now are completely out of control.
I was doing well with 2 months straight and then I started to play with my sobriety and contact the person who gets me cocaine and who was in my life for the past 5 years.
I started using last February '08. I went into the hospital on May 26th '08 and got clean.
I am now in N/A and A/A. I have a sponsor and supports, so this upcoming time will be very rocky but I want to be clean and I want to use the steps to recover.
Thanks for listening,
beccaflight9 (Rebecca)
I was/am in bad shape due to relapse last week today I have 10 days clean again.
This is my 3rd relapse (the relapses were brief but deadly). I am kinda starting over again but am at Step 2. I was at Step 4, but I am waiting on presenting my 4th Step to my sponsor until the insanity is under control. That's funny because I am not in control over the drug and its effects are horrible on my mind and body.
I am in an anxious mood, and have panic attacks and morning anxiety that is killer to deal with. I have been bipolar for 20 years and know better than to relapse for 27 hours straight with no sleep. So, the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of right now are completely out of control.
I was doing well with 2 months straight and then I started to play with my sobriety and contact the person who gets me cocaine and who was in my life for the past 5 years.
I started using last February '08. I went into the hospital on May 26th '08 and got clean.
I am now in N/A and A/A. I have a sponsor and supports, so this upcoming time will be very rocky but I want to be clean and I want to use the steps to recover.
Thanks for listening,
beccaflight9 (Rebecca)
Blackstrat6
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Heywood,Gtr.Manchester
Posts: 242
Pull the arrow out!
Hi Rebecca, look at you! You are doing very well, we are all so proud of you, brilliant.
A little story which may help you ,' After giving a lecture on Buddhist principles, the Dalai Lama was repeatedly questioned by a zealous student on matters of fine detail. He, in his usual manner responded calmly and politely , deflecting the questions with courtesy and kindnees, the student persisted.
Eventually the Dalai Lama, frustrated by the students constant persistance done with complete disregard for all others said,"Look! Ifan assasin fires an arrow into your chest you do not stop to admire the quality of the arrow, admiring the shaft , its markings, the feathers on the flight. You first pull it out!"
Do not worry to much about the detail, the 12 steps are only 'Suggested' steps, when and how far you take them is a matter for you, it matters more, a day at a time, an hour at a time if necessary that you, not anybody else, this is a selfish programme remember that YOU recover, not me, not your sponser or anybody else, you. So pull out the arrow, worry about the rest later .
Take care, Mike W.
A little story which may help you ,' After giving a lecture on Buddhist principles, the Dalai Lama was repeatedly questioned by a zealous student on matters of fine detail. He, in his usual manner responded calmly and politely , deflecting the questions with courtesy and kindnees, the student persisted.
Eventually the Dalai Lama, frustrated by the students constant persistance done with complete disregard for all others said,"Look! Ifan assasin fires an arrow into your chest you do not stop to admire the quality of the arrow, admiring the shaft , its markings, the feathers on the flight. You first pull it out!"
Do not worry to much about the detail, the 12 steps are only 'Suggested' steps, when and how far you take them is a matter for you, it matters more, a day at a time, an hour at a time if necessary that you, not anybody else, this is a selfish programme remember that YOU recover, not me, not your sponser or anybody else, you. So pull out the arrow, worry about the rest later .
Take care, Mike W.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
blackstrat6....Welcome to SR....
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Please do come over to our Newcomers Forum
start your own thread and let us know your concerns.
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and who are winning over their addictions.
Click on the link/line below to find our Newcomers
Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Thanks for joining us....we are here
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This thread is almost a ear old.
Please do come over to our Newcomers Forum
start your own thread and let us know your concerns.
We have many SR members who are both Bi-Polar
and who are winning over their addictions.
Click on the link/line below to find our Newcomers
Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Thanks for joining us....we are here
to support your efforts....
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