LaDita

I have never been to a ACOA meeting before and I've always wanted to check one out. I'm curious what they're like and if they are like A.A. meetings at all.

tromboneliness

The meeting I go to is intense. I've been going for about 6 months, but the group has been in existence for many years. Once the ACA Big Book came out, they decided to take the bull by the horns -- read the book cover to cover. Right now, we're a little more than halfway through.

I'm an Al-Anon, not an AA, altho' I've been to the occasional open AA meeting from time to time. What's different about ACA is that -- at least in my meeting -- it does not let you weasel out of working the program. Instead of the wishy-washy "take what you like and leave the rest" that's typical of Al-Anon, ACA (ACOA, if you prefer) says, in effect, "This is the sh*t you need to work on, if you want to get better. You can ignore it, but if you do, you will not make progress. You can face this stuff now, or you can face it later -- but there's no avoiding it." Or at least that's the message I take away from the Big Book, and my meeting, every week.

That is exactly what I need, at this point in my program (13 years in Al-Anon, and I still go weekly, but sometimes I feel as though I'm not getting anywhere, and I still feel very bad about myself at times).

Some of the AA's who go to Al-Anon describe the latter as the "graduate program" for AA. I'm not qualified to say if that's true or not -- but in my estimation, ACA is the graduate program for Al-Anon. It forces you to step it up.

T

guiab

I had been considering an ACOA meeting but the closest is held once a week about an hour away from where I live.
But if the meetings are run in the manner described by Trombonliness, then I am definitely going. Yes, there is indisputably s*** I have to work on.

LaDita

So then ACOA meetings are operated the same way Twelve-Step meetings are?
I guess I don't understand.

tromboneliness

That description only goes for the particular meeting I described -- it's the only ACoA meeting I've been to, but they say the other one in town isn't like that; it's more free-form, like your average Al-Anon meeting. In this group, though, when the Big Book came out, a decision was made to make the meeting more structured, instead of just having people randomly sharing about whatever they felt like talking about. I like it, but as I say, it's pretty intense.

T

guiab

I attended an ACOA meeting last night (the one that was over an hour away). It was similar to alanon meetings in that we read from a selected chapter of an alanon book, with each person taking a turn at reading followed by reflections or comments. The only difference is that there was less talk about how one is reacting to current situations involving drinking (in the family, as in alanon) and more about how one is learning to heal through everyday events and struggles. I felt comfortable hearing these stories as my current situation does not involve a drinking problem on anyone's part, but a fair amount of stress and the old thinking habits that are making for more problems.
One attendee remarked that there used to be more ACOA meetings 10 years ago, but attendance fell and the meetings disappeared. Apparently, the meetings had degenerated into 'whine-fests' and there was little 12-step activity or any healing/progress. Just as well.
I was reading some history of AA today and there was one unhappy comment on the current status of the group compared to years past. the comment observed that there was more of an emphasis on personal responsibility back then and too much 'emotional dumping' (not my words) in the current situation. I can see how the more disciplined approach of the meeting described by Tromboneliness can be more appealing and helpful.

Wascally Wabbit

Personally, for me, I found ACOA much more helpful than Alanon.
The meetings were awesome and fulfilling.
Good luck!

takintyme

Where can I find a meeting list

Thanks

coyote21

Try this: Meetings - Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

wicked

Okay, but I crave structure. I want structure. I need structure.
I am in AA, but the loosy goosy take what you want is getting old.
I have been sober for fourteen years, but there are things I dont know that I should and I need someone who knows to tell me.

I joined the Army at 29 years old, (a halfassed attempt to solicit some praise from my father) but I also love the regulations, rules, structure, the whole thing.

I can understand bringing out the book and saying,

This is what we all do, and we are gonna do it now.

coyote21

Me too. We don't have an ACOA meeting in my town. But, we do have a fourth Al-anon meeting at our church, that isn't doing so well. At our next group conscious meeting I may suggest turning it into an ACOA.

I need it, and the above mentioned stuff is pretty true for me too. An AcOA BB meeting sounds pretty good.

Care to elaborate on your meeting a little more Tromboneliness?

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Floss

For a while now, I've known that I need ACoA. I find I drag my feet to Al-Anon and do find it too wishy washy for me. I also found myself thinking that I want a program that address my issues as an ACoA. I'm over learning how to 'detach' from the A's in my life. I actually want to stop focussing on them all together and 'fix' me. Surprisingly, I found myself relating to AA meetings a lot better than I did at Al-Anon. No doubt because I have the 'spiritual malady' too. There are no ACoA meetings in my area and I'm thinking about starting one myself next year. I need some heavy duty, structured meetings and I'm ordering the big red book...bring on the hard work I say!

tromboneliness

Sure. Basically, the way my meeting works is that after the introductory spiel (similar to that of an Al-Anon or AA meeting), we open the Big Book to wherever we left off last week, and go around the room, each person reading a paragraph. We usually read 2-4 pages, until we hit a section break, then close the book and start the sharing part of the meeting.

We read the Big Book cover-to-cover, until we hit Part III, which is mostly about how to organize and run a group -- once we get to the end of Part II, we go back to the beginning. We've done this a couple of times now, a few pages a week, and it seems to work pretty well.

There is some stuff in the Big Book that's very intense, and maybe a little more specific than necessary, in terms of describing some of the things that can happen in a dysfunctional family. Partly as a result of that, and partly just because the meeting itself is pretty heavy-duty, we go out to a coffeehouse for a "meeting after the meeting" to decompress and socialize. Not a bad idea!

T