Mom's financial 'crisis'....sorry, not my problem
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Mom's financial 'crisis'....sorry, not my problem
I've been doing pretty well at holding onto my boundaries with mom and sister regarding the constant phone calls and demands on my time. Got another panic-mode phone call on Wednesday...
Well, my mom has an anniuty that she and my dad purchased originally 12 years ago. He had inherited 50K from my great-aunt, and they went to a "financial advisor" to "do something with it". They did something with it all right...
They bought an annuity from said 'advisor' that was based 98% in stocks...agressive stocks...I'm sure you know how well that worked out...Mind you, my dad never invested in anything until this point. He never had the money. So he didn't have a clue.
It actually matured in 2000, and rather than look into it and perhaps change it, they just resigned the same stupid agreement. Then dad died 8 months later. He was already ill in January (cancer) when they did this, but rather than leave it in his name so she would get the death benefit, they put it in her name.
I have a REAL financial advisor that helped me through my divorce settlement, and I took mom and sister to see him in June of this year. He told us that she could move her funds from the aggressive portfolio to a conservative one, less than 5% stocks, with a phone call. A FREAKING PHONE CALL!!!!
She lives with my sister in another city, and they took all the paperwork with them in order to make this call. They never did. I asked my sister and my mother several times about it and they always said they would 'do it later'.
Fast forward to this past Wednesday. My sister calls in an absolute panic because that annuity is now worth 23K. She is raving about the guy that sold it to mom, the financial crisis, President Bush, you name it.
Mom is hysterical. I hear the same words I heard throughout my childhood, "what will I ever do...".
Then they both swallowed some benzos to 'calm down' because they were 'in shock'. (Which is a bit different from my childhood because at that time it was alcohol...)
Sister wants me to "do something about it NOW."
I calmly told her that there is nothing I can do, I had taken them to see my advisor and he told them what the wise thing to do was and that I can't help it if they didn't do it. I refuse to get involved.
I hate it for my mother, but this one is on them...
Well, my mom has an anniuty that she and my dad purchased originally 12 years ago. He had inherited 50K from my great-aunt, and they went to a "financial advisor" to "do something with it". They did something with it all right...
They bought an annuity from said 'advisor' that was based 98% in stocks...agressive stocks...I'm sure you know how well that worked out...Mind you, my dad never invested in anything until this point. He never had the money. So he didn't have a clue.
It actually matured in 2000, and rather than look into it and perhaps change it, they just resigned the same stupid agreement. Then dad died 8 months later. He was already ill in January (cancer) when they did this, but rather than leave it in his name so she would get the death benefit, they put it in her name.
I have a REAL financial advisor that helped me through my divorce settlement, and I took mom and sister to see him in June of this year. He told us that she could move her funds from the aggressive portfolio to a conservative one, less than 5% stocks, with a phone call. A FREAKING PHONE CALL!!!!
She lives with my sister in another city, and they took all the paperwork with them in order to make this call. They never did. I asked my sister and my mother several times about it and they always said they would 'do it later'.
Fast forward to this past Wednesday. My sister calls in an absolute panic because that annuity is now worth 23K. She is raving about the guy that sold it to mom, the financial crisis, President Bush, you name it.
Mom is hysterical. I hear the same words I heard throughout my childhood, "what will I ever do...".
Then they both swallowed some benzos to 'calm down' because they were 'in shock'. (Which is a bit different from my childhood because at that time it was alcohol...)
Sister wants me to "do something about it NOW."
I calmly told her that there is nothing I can do, I had taken them to see my advisor and he told them what the wise thing to do was and that I can't help it if they didn't do it. I refuse to get involved.
I hate it for my mother, but this one is on them...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Jen))
My dad just recently realized my stepmom has a "problem" with pain pills...after she was arrested last month for trying to fill a fraudulent prescription. He jumped all over ME for not telling him she had a problem. I told him I HAD told him and he chose to be in denial.
Last week, she got her prescription refilled (she has chronic pain) and he is back in denial. After asking a few questions, and seeing that he has no interest in seeing that she is not "cured" and still has a problem, I simply told him that he'd better not DARE get mad at me, again, if things went bad again.
I have detached from the situation, even though I live in the same house. You and I have done what we can do, they don't want to take our advice, but when things don't work out, they want us to fix it. Well, we don't have to do that. I've had to learn things from MY consequences, and I think it's about time our parents do the same, don't you?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My dad just recently realized my stepmom has a "problem" with pain pills...after she was arrested last month for trying to fill a fraudulent prescription. He jumped all over ME for not telling him she had a problem. I told him I HAD told him and he chose to be in denial.
Last week, she got her prescription refilled (she has chronic pain) and he is back in denial. After asking a few questions, and seeing that he has no interest in seeing that she is not "cured" and still has a problem, I simply told him that he'd better not DARE get mad at me, again, if things went bad again.
I have detached from the situation, even though I live in the same house. You and I have done what we can do, they don't want to take our advice, but when things don't work out, they want us to fix it. Well, we don't have to do that. I've had to learn things from MY consequences, and I think it's about time our parents do the same, don't you?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Good job, duet. Stinks for your mom, but we are (almost) all losing money in this market, so she should fit right in with the rest of us.
If she'd listened to you, she would not be in this situation.
And just what do they think you're going to be able to do about it? You can't get her money back. Is there some Duet Stimulus Package that I don't know about? (if so, how do I get in on it too? do I need to bring a corporate jet?
)
Way to go,
GL
If she'd listened to you, she would not be in this situation.
And just what do they think you're going to be able to do about it? You can't get her money back. Is there some Duet Stimulus Package that I don't know about? (if so, how do I get in on it too? do I need to bring a corporate jet?
) Way to go,
GL
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
And just what do they think you're going to be able to do about it? You can't get her money back. Is there some Duet Stimulus Package that I don't know about? (if so, how do I get in on it too? do I need to bring a corporate jet? )
Way to go,
GL
) Way to go,
GL
Seriously, though, they wanted me to call my advisor and ask him again what to do (he talked to them as a favor to me the first time, free of charge). Sister wanted me to call him, call her back, call him back, etc, etc,. Basically jump in the middle of a mess they made.
I told them no, that they had his number because he gave them a business card and that if they wanted his advice then they needed to pay him like I do. Or go to somebody in the town they live in...
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
((Jen))
...they don't want to take our advice, but when things don't work out, they want us to fix it. Well, we don't have to do that. I've had to learn things from MY consequences, and I think it's about time our parents do the same, don't you?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
...they don't want to take our advice, but when things don't work out, they want us to fix it. Well, we don't have to do that. I've had to learn things from MY consequences, and I think it's about time our parents do the same, don't you?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by duet_4-8
Well, my mom has an anniuty that she and my dad purchased originally 12 years ago. He had inherited 50K from my great-aunt, and they went to a "financial advisor" to "do something with it". They did something with it all right... Fast forward to this past Wednesday. My sister calls in an absolute panic because that annuity is now worth 23K. She is raving about the guy that sold it to mom, the financial crisis, President Bush, you name it.
Besides that -- I hate to say this, but we're really not talking about a huge amount of money here, in terms of something you could retire on. Starting with $50,000 and losing $27,000 of it is unfortunate, but $50,000 would only get you by a year or two at the most, anyway -- it's not anywhere near what you need to retire comfortably. Which is another way of saying that losing that amount of money is not going to make the difference between comfortable retirement and eating cat food out of a tin can.
Not your doing, not your problem.
T (a business school grad who is, nonetheless, not wealthy)
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