504179

My mom has been an on-and-off recovering alcoholic for about 10 years and has recently gotten worse in the past 6 months. This fall I've finally gone to college and with my little brother still at home. He's about 16 and just short of driving age. Although I know he can handle himself for the most part, I still want to know what to do to help him out. It's just him and my mom. She says she''s trying, but I honestly don't know what to do.

Rowan

Hi and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Is there anyone who lives close to your mom and brother who can keep an eye on them?

I'm glad that your brother is old enough to be self-sufficient, although I understand why you might find it difficult not to be there with him. Is your mom a functioning alcoholic or is she unable to care for herself or others when drinking?

I would make sure your brother has a list of emergency numbers handy in the event mom is intoxicated and he needs any sort of help. Other than that, I don't know what to suggest. Others will be along to offer their own experience.

Take care.

Aesakitty

I would suggest helping him find a place to go if/when his home becomes overwhelming. This does not have to be long term, but having a place to escape to might be a relief. I know that would have helped me when I was his age. Maybe family members near by would help?

GiveLove

Welcome to SR! I grew up with active alcoholics too. When I was 15-16, my sisters helped me out hugely by

• being there when I need to talk/vent/decompress,
• teaching me about alcoholism, so I knew it wasn't my fault
• giving me safe haven when things got really dangerous at home, even though I had to take a bus to get to them
• helping me find my own place (shared house) when I reached the age where I could

With that, I was able to survive my last years of living at home. Mostly, just knowing he has a supporter and an escape route will help your bro. If he has access to a computer, you can also point him to this site if you think it will help him to not feel the insanity so acutely. Good luck!!

Peter

stay in touch with him as much as possible.

guiab

504179
First, congratulations on getting into college.
You have 2 goals: the first is to focus on your self and your coursework, and the second is to keep your brother safe. I think Rowan's suggestions are great. Help your brother build his own safety net and you will have some peace of mind. And keep in touch. But you should not feel guilty for focusing on your self and school - you know how much it costs.
Both of you could benefit from alateen and alanon. Your school may have some counseling for students coming from alcoholic homes. I had alcoholic parents all through high school and college years and I - oh so dumb - never took advantage of any counseling. AND it was free.

dolce7dolore

It's funny because I forget what threads I've started and almost thought this one was mine. Sounds like we're the exact same age range--last year I left for college and my brother, age 16, was left at home there with my mom. I'm not sure what advice I have to give since I'm in pretty much the same situation, but if nothing more, just know that you and your brother are not alone. I usually try to reach out to my brother and just let him know that I'm there for him. He's always kept his feelings locked away for the most part, but we joke about things here and there and try to stay positive.