coop07

hey everyone im new to the site. i stumbled upon this while i was searching something on google. im a 19 year old girl and my fathers a practicing alcoholic. hes been to jail for domestic violence against me (my brother called the police) and his drinking just keeps getting worse. he actually is unemployed right now because he has no interest in working, just drinking. his drinking never really affected me until now. Im scared that when i turn 21 im gonna turn to alcohol. I get so mad when he's drunk and i start to care about nothing. It's so hard because at times i wish he'd just die but in reality ill be so devastated when he dies, and i dont know why??? i think it's because i really want to see him overcome this but im not sure...any ideas??
he also lately has been getting so drunk that he can't even stand up...i don't think hes drinking more so i dont know why this is happening???...could something be wrong with his liver that is causing him to get drunk off less???

I'm just looking for some answers and any advice you have would be great! Id also love to help anyone i can so feel free to talk to me!

a side note on my dad is...he pretty much drinks a half pint or full pint of vodka a day..this has been going on for 5 years.

dothi

There is a good chance that your father's liver is hurting from all the booze, and can't keep up all the time anymore. I've seen it in my own dad. He still tries to drink like he's 17, but when he does, he's completely hungover for two days. His body can't keep up anymore. You have every right to feel upset about this. You are absolutely right - his drinking is taking a toll on his body.

I noticed in another post you mention you'll feel like you'll be more upset if your father dies than you mom. I hear what you're saying (I used to wonder the same with my mom). It's as though the whole family wouldn't know what to do without your dad. One effect of alcoholism is that it centers all the focus of the family on the alcoholic. You are all, in your own ways, buffering the stress of your dad's behavior. You are so used to giving all your attention to him and mending his ways, that you don't know how to care for yourself anymore. You don't necessarily realize what making *you* happy would look like because you've rarely practiced it. You might not even know what caring about mom would look like because you've rarely see it done.

Have you read the 13 characteristics of an ACoA (sticky post at the top of the forum)? There are actually a few great resources out there for helping debug the effects of an alcoholic in your life. If you're interested, I'd even recommend a pretty good book (at least, it was for me).

Feel free to post more. IMO posting stories for others to read is the most helpful aspect of this forum.

coop07

thanks so much for responding. i definently think your right...and the bad part is that my mom is the ones whos hurting the most, yet me and all my siblings are focused on him..ugh! so frusterating..oh well! i honestly don't even know what makes me happy anymore...being with my friends ia fun and all...but im constantly worrying about whats going on at home and or am being interuppted because i have to go pick him up cuz hes drunk and what not. im a generally happy person and my friends that know about everything can't believe how "normal" i am..and people that don't know think my familys perfect, but im afraid that its beginning to affect me or will in the future.

yes i read the 13 characteristics...and they are so true!

id love to hear any recommendations you have! whats the book called?

thanks so much!

dothi

Hey coop! It's called "The Complete ACOA Sourcebook: Adult Children of Alcoholics at Home, at Work and in Love" by Janet Woititz and Robert Ackerman. See if your local library has it. It covers many solid aspects of growing up with alcoholism, including the roles we fall into in our effort to control the alcoholic. It even touches on the differences between how boys and girls react to alcoholic moms/dads. I found it refreshing and validating to read, even if only to know that on a professional academic level these effects are recognized. It doesn't provide any guidance as to how to undo the damage; all it does is help you recognize it.