mY father died from Alcohol

Old 10-16-2008, 03:59 PM
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mY father died from Alcohol

Hi I am currently a memeber of friends and family of substance abusers. My Fiance is a coke addict thought its not a daily occurance its been enough over the past 6 years that Ive realized he has an addiction. My life currently is in shambles and I have no clue what to do. I guess I am visiting my past on these boards.
My father was an alcoholic. He drank beer almost 24/7. When he would get up at 5am for work what would he do? Crack open a beer and that continued all day till he went to bed. I had to deal with him vomitting from drinking while walking home from street fairs. The embarresment at my dance recital b/c my dad couldnt go 2 hours w/o a drink he'd have a cooler in the car to escape to. I would get hit. Screamed at in front of friends and literally getting in bewteen my screaming parents.. Constant visits from CPS..and even got hit in the head with a sledge hammer by him and him accusing me of making it up.....very lovely childhood. Then when I was 12 he went into the hospital I never had a 12th bday party not that I cared. He came home and had chrrosis of the liver...he had to stop drinking and I was so filled with hope that life would be different...yea def different. I remember waking up the morning of my 6th grade dance to my dad BELLOWING for my mom. I had to wake her up (she slept on the couch) and I ran back to my room only coming out in enough time to see them wheeling my dad out on a stretcher in a coma. I peeked into his bedroom there was Blood everywhere.....Thats the last time I saw him. Days later the night of my elementry graduation he died. That was 16 years ago and now typing my story has me in tears. I loved my father and understood his addiction what I dont understand is why in the HELL would I get myself in the same situation only with a different drug addiction? Now Im the mom to a 10 month old and have vowed not let him grow up like I did. Only wished it didnt hurt so much....I feel the walls going uup and my time with the man i love trhe father of my child is coming to an end. I am in so much pain and feel so alone...and I feel like b/c of my experiance in childhood has made me stuck in this situation that I am currently in. IW ish I could say life was much better after he died but it was worse. I wish he could have beaten his addiction than maybe my life would have been different
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Old 10-16-2008, 04:24 PM
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Jeeze! You have been through a lot! I am so sorry. You didn't deserve a childhood like that. Good for you for trying to protect your child from going through the pain that you went through. My prayers are with you.
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Old 10-16-2008, 05:05 PM
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Klutz,
You have had such a hard childhood. Remember - your dad's behavior and addiction were under the control of alcohol. You were close and sad witness to it, and some of the sadness and despair over the memories comes from a lingering feeling that one could have done something. You were a kid.
Unfortunately we are often attracted to addicts. You have to remember that your fiance's addiction is beyond your control. You can be open to talking to him about the addiction - make it clear that it hurts you but that it is his choice. Your own sanity is at stake, and your child's welfare. I am not suggesting you leave him but you need to establish boundaries. You can, repeat can, control your life. But you can't control others. I pray you will find a way out of the shambles. And I get a sense that you will.
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Old 10-16-2008, 05:29 PM
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Thanks for the kind words. I am trying daily to cope with this. Not sure how Im doing but I guess since Im still standing...its all good. BEing achild of an alcholic or any adicton is I want to say hard but hat just doesnt do enough justice to what myslef anf ohers have gone throuh. I guess Im justlooking forfriends and suppor. My fiances addiion has been hard to ome to grips wth. He says he knows he has a problem and hes stoppig can person stop ith out help?? I doub it but keep praying he will stop. BUt I know he wont and it leaves me so empty and hurt I talk openly to him. I tell him I WILL take his son away. I dont let him lie to me and I guess I just take the bruntof everything to the point where I am drained in my heart soul and spirit. His problem is always on the forefront of my mind. I just dont know where to go. I have a feeling this is a great place to start. I dont want to leave him but when push comes to shove Im going to do what I have to do for my son...I dont wantit to go there but it seems lke that is where he is headng and I have to get off this roller coaster...jus a question of when..and will I keep killing myself with hope?
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Old 10-16-2008, 06:09 PM
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Hi klutz,
I can really relate to how you feel. That feeling of being drained in your heart and soul. I don't feel like that now, but once did. Please come here and post as much as you need to and read others stories. It is such a healing place to come to and so important to have somewhere to come to with your pain. I am so sorry for the pain you have suffered, but I am glad you have found this place. It helped me so much, I'm sure you will find the same help and healing.
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Old 10-16-2008, 08:43 PM
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Hey klutz, those are terrible memories to be left with. I sure hope you don't feel like you failed your dad. I think as ACoAs many of us never shake that feeling of responsibility - like we somehow failed to save them from themselves. It sounds like the situation with your fiance could be drudging up a lot of unresolved feelings. Like bluerskies said, post as much as you need to. Just talking about these feelings can really help to process these feelings. You're not alone here!
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Old 10-19-2008, 09:08 AM
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Hey, klutz, and I doubt you are that at all, I too had a really amazingly bad childhood and for a long time blamed myself for everything. I also got involved with addicts, because it was programmed into me that that was NORMAL. it was what I grew up with -- the doubt, the chaos, the constant jangled emotions -- and so being with someone who didn't have any problems didn't feel normal or interesting to me.

Sad, huh?

Keep participating in friends & family - they are such a good group of people, and can give you lots of ideas. And here, well, there are lots of people who were raised in the same kind of lousy atmosphere and so you'lll realize you're not alone. We're all in this together, getting better.
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