Finally taking a step forward

Old 09-15-2008, 08:43 AM
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Finally taking a step forward

I've been doing well with everything in Al Anon, but today I actually moved forward in another way.

My mom has been in my life constantly as has her addiction. I tried to move out at one point and that failed thanks to the current economic climate so I've been back here with her for a few years, as have my two children and husband.

I graduated college and I have a job and things are going okay. We're still here, though, and she's relying on us to keep her in her home and her car.

She's going to trial tomorrow to change her plea to guilty for theft of drugs and hopefully she won't go to jail. Or maybe hopefully she will. I'm not at all sure how I feel about that.

Anyway, today I applied for two jobs that are eight hours away. If I leave she will most likely lose her house and her car. She could easily live with my grandmother, though, so it's not like I'm leaving her to be homeless or anything.

But this house is my home, too. Letting go of my past to embrace the future should be a no brainer, but it hurts. I want everyone to be happy and okay and I'm wondering how I can feel good if she doesn't. And does it really matter? She never seemed to care how I felt when she was making herself happy.

Anyhow, thanks for listening.

Ria
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Old 09-15-2008, 09:55 AM
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Thumbs up Family Home.....

Hi Ria,

I finally had to evict my Brother from our family home of fifty years because he was involved in alcohol & drugs. He was not keeping the house taxes up to date, utilities paid & had no home owner's insurance.

We were left the home together in our Dad's will and what a mess it turned out to be. My Brother had people renting the bedrooms that used drugs also.

I hadn't been there for three years because I couldn't get ahold of my Brother so found out all of this when I went to get help to clean out the house.

We live an eight hour drive from the coast where the house was. It was so overwhelming to me when I got there and saw the mess...it looked like some of the crack houses I have seen on tv in the inside of the house. I was there five days and the cops & FBI had been there looking for my Brother & a renter. When I saw these guys talking with the contractor I had a feeling that they were undercover cops of somekind but couldn't believe it that they were FBI officers.

I finally found my Brother through a friend of his that had him living with him to detox off of methametaphine & alcohol. I hired a contractor to do the job of cleaning out the house and lo & behold someone walked in and wanted to buy the house as is...and fix it up themselves.

I felt my husband and I were in harms way until the house was insured or sold due to the fact I was half owner and if someone died or was killed in that environment we could be held liable.

I had been paying the property taxes for six years with the late fee tacked on because my Brother didn't do it. Now my Brother is still with his sober friend and his oldest son is taking part in his Dad's care.

I still believe something good can come out of something bad. My Brother just had a heart attack so is like a volcano waiting to explode. His son took him to a doc & he told my Brother he had to stop drinking if he wanted to live longer.

My circumstances are much different than yours but simular with your Mom. If she can go live with her Mom it would be good...but if not, you will end up paying all of the household expenses besides your own...if she is unable to do the upkeep of everything that comes with taking care of a home.

I wish you the best of luck. :ghug3

kelsh
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Old 09-15-2008, 08:26 PM
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Thank you for sharing your situation with me. It isn't easy to take care of ourselves and do what is best for us all the time, is it? I can honestly say it's a struggle that keeps knocking me down.

Currently, she can pay nothing. I know eventually she'll be able to stand on her own two feet, but in the meantime we'll lose the house.

But maybe it's time to let go. My husband tells me that it's time to create OUR family home and leave the past where it belongs. He's a smart guy. hehehe
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