Please welcome Healingkate
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1
Please welcome Healingkate
It looks like this forum has been active in a while- but I am going to post anyway.
My husband is in recovery for codependency and I am looking for some support. This is all new to me- but I have learned quickly that being a man who sturggles with this is very hard in our society. Certainly he is not the only one out there-- but it means that all of the complications of "gender" and shame are part of this for us.
Just last week we signed a morgage- and he did not reveal to me some very important information about his job ( or lack thereof) for the fall. He is a teacher and does not have a contract for the fall. He says this is a result of codependency.... He didn't want to tell me for fear of my dissapointment. But- in the meantime- we signed a morgage and I did not have that info!!!!! I am about ready to leave. It feels deceptive.
What would you all suggest? I want to be supportive-- but I just don't understand that kind of choice.
Help!
Healingkate
My husband is in recovery for codependency and I am looking for some support. This is all new to me- but I have learned quickly that being a man who sturggles with this is very hard in our society. Certainly he is not the only one out there-- but it means that all of the complications of "gender" and shame are part of this for us.
Just last week we signed a morgage- and he did not reveal to me some very important information about his job ( or lack thereof) for the fall. He is a teacher and does not have a contract for the fall. He says this is a result of codependency.... He didn't want to tell me for fear of my dissapointment. But- in the meantime- we signed a morgage and I did not have that info!!!!! I am about ready to leave. It feels deceptive.
What would you all suggest? I want to be supportive-- but I just don't understand that kind of choice.
Help!
Healingkate
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Hey Terry,
I was a terrible codie. It was my way of trying to control everything so that I wouldn't have to suffer any more heartache. I found out the hard way that I really can't control anyone but myself and that I had to let everything and everyone else "go".
Most codies really want to do GOOD and be the best they can be.
As an ACOA, I believe it was all about covering up for the A, taking care of the A who couldnt take care of themselves. It thrust a ton of responsibility on a child who was not mature enough to understand anything.
Keep coming back. Your eyes will be opened the more you hang out and read others stories.
I was a terrible codie. It was my way of trying to control everything so that I wouldn't have to suffer any more heartache. I found out the hard way that I really can't control anyone but myself and that I had to let everything and everyone else "go".
Most codies really want to do GOOD and be the best they can be.
As an ACOA, I believe it was all about covering up for the A, taking care of the A who couldnt take care of themselves. It thrust a ton of responsibility on a child who was not mature enough to understand anything.
Keep coming back. Your eyes will be opened the more you hang out and read others stories.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Find out if there are in Codependents Anonymous meetings in your area (preferrably one your husband wont be attending) and go to a few open meetings if they are available. You could also try researching as much as you can about the subject online.
Explaining codependency and the complex behaviour associated with it can be difficult. I wish you the best of luck.
Explaining codependency and the complex behaviour associated with it can be difficult. I wish you the best of luck.
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